In the Autumn

What's that sound?

The sound of dried leaves scraping along the road in the fall

Why does sadness hit you like a punch in the stomach?

I know why

It's emptiness

Reliving the same days

Over and over again

I float down the road like a ghost

Looking for his old body

For his old home

A small town in new England

A small town that slowly became a city

You can never go back

I know these trees

Full of gold

Shimmering leaves that shake and rattle

They call to me in a million voices

The haunting glory of the voice of G-d

Shrill, bizarre

Taunting teasing

Riding the line between abject terror…and curiosity

Beckoning me…closer

I know this light

Warm and cold

I know this smell

The smell of decay

How the dead call me home

In whispers down wooded roads

I run down those streets

Calling my father’s name

Looking for my mother

Whitetail deer

Fleeing into the woods

Squirrels that scratch and claw about the branches

The groan and creak of trees swaying in the moaning wind

As tears streak down my face

You can’t go back

You can never go back

I am the wind

Is that what dreams are?

Remembering what it will be like to be a ghost

Remembering the future

I’m struggling to describe a realm outside of time..

Parents tell stories to their children about me

Tapping on the window

Nipping their little noses

There’s a pot of hot chocolate on the stove

Can I have marshmallow fluff in it please?

I’m moving down a hallway

Glimmering linoleum tiles

I can hear children talking, shouting, giggling

A teacher who tells them to hush

The smell of pencils and eraser rubber

I’m chewing on a pencil…the satisfying crush

The feel of books in my hands

The smell of boiled hot dogs in the cafeteria

Of vegetables soaked in hot water for hours

Chocolate milk in paper cartons

Grilled cheese sandwiches that are bright yellow

Crunchy, crispy, greasy…that isn’t cheese

But it’s delicious

More magic than food

This weekend we’re going apple picking

Can I pick a pumpkin?

Is that stuffing? I can smell the celery in it.

Can I please have some cranberry sauce?

I want a new book please

Can we go to the library today?

That one! The one about bats.

Leave me in my room

With the door closed

I can press my hands to the cold window glass

I can feel my bare feet on the cool hardwood floors

I don’t know what heaven is

Hell neither

But this place outside of time and space

You can leave me here

A warm mug of apple cider in your hand

I painted it for you at school

Don’t you like it?

I’m going now

The door has closed behind me

It’s so cold outside

Please can I come back in?