The Weight of Three Words
Hands in pockets. God, why is this so hard? She's just standing there waiting, always waiting. So patient. How does she do it? I can't even look at her eyes. No, pockets are safer. Keep my hands still, stop fidgeting. Just say it already, you coward! But what if... what if... No, stop that. She's still waiting. Say something, anything! "I uh..." Smooth, real smooth, idiot. She knows you're no good at this stuff. Just spit it out. Deep breath. Okay, here goes nothing. "I love you." Oh god, I said it. I actually said it. Why isn't she saying anything? Her eyes, they're so big right now. Did I mess up? Should I not have... No, it's okay. She's smiling. That's good, right? Yes, it's good. She knows. Of course she knows. She always knows everything about me before I do. How does she do that? Doesn't matter now. It's out there. Can't take it back. Don't want to take it back, actually. Feels kinda good, like something loosening in my chest. Been holding that in for so long, too long. "I know," she says, and suddenly I can breathe again. When did I stop breathing? Doesn't matter now. Everything's okay. We're okay. I'm okay. This is okay.