You, The Great and the Case of the Curious Time-Traveler
8 am Sunday, November 1st, 2015 in some small town in rural Michigan:
A detective and a police chief stand beside you staring at the empty pedestal where the largest, most precious diamond in the Midtown Museum once stood.
“I don’t get it,” the detective says. “We know this has to be the work of Ima Crimino. Why can’t you guys just arrest her?"
“This seems like a cookie-cutter case for her but Crimino’s alibis are just too tight,” the police chief says.
“She’d have to be a time traveler to have done all that stuff so quickly, though,” you say. “Or have teleportation powers or something.”
“I know,” the detective sighs. “She went from the North Quarter to Southside, the Eastern District, and Westland, then somehow back here in Midtown at this very museum, though each section of town has at least thirty minutes of travel time between them.”
“Fifteen in no traffic, but still,” the police chief interjects.
“These receipts. They’re proof, though. I guess we can’t question it,” the detective says, looking down.
“Are you sure it wasn’t another person using her name and credit card?” you ask.
“Nope,” the police chief assures you, “Her face was caught on camera at all the self-checkouts, and we tested each machine for her fingerprints. These receipts were found in the glovebox of her vehicle which was left in the museum parking lot, yet she and the diamond are nowhere to be seen.”
“I have to wonder, why are all these stores open past midnight?” you ask.
“Around the holiday season, they want to make sure everyone can buy gifts at any time of day,” the police chief chuckles. “A few people like to shop at night when there’s hardly anyone else out on the road.”
“Our town is weird, okay? Don’t judge us,” the detective says, a bit offended. “It’s all self-checkout machines at this time anyways, so there are no employees complaining about working late. They can spend time with their families.”
“Really?” you scrunch your nose. “Doesn’t that mean you see a lot of thefts?”
“Sometimes, but most people around here are honest,” the police chief says.
“Apparently Crimino’s not honest, so why wouldn’t a thief like that just steal the stuff? Why did she go through the process of actually purchasing the items?” you can’t help but wonder aloud. "And why did she skip back and forth like that? Is she usually this forgetful? And she's surely wasting a lot of gas--"
“We’re getting beside the point," the detective impatiently interrupts you. "Let’s check over the evidence again,”
Laying out the receipts in chronological order, they try to piece together the timeline in their heads:
North Quarter Sporting Goods
12:59 am Heavy-Duty Backpack
Eastern District Hardware
1:11 am Glass Cutter
North Quarter Sporting Goods
1:13 am Climbing Rope and Harness
Eastern District Hardware
1:14 am Double-Ended Pick Set
North Quarter Sporting Goods
1:15 am Black Hiking Boots
Eastern District Hardware
1:16 am Bright Flashlight
Westland Clothing
1:31 am Black Jumpsuit
Southside Gas Station
1:32 am Strawberry Snack Cake
Westland Clothing
1:35 am Black Gloves
Southside Gas Station
1:39 am 10 Gallons of Gas
Westland Clothing
1:44 am Black Balaclava
Southside Gas Station
1:55 am Root Beer Soda Pop
Then, you take a look at the Midtown Museum's security footage:
2:00 am A figure arrives, wearing a black jumpsuit, gloves, hiking boots, and balaclava. They use a climbing rope and harness to scale the building, a glass cutter to get into the window, a bright flashlight to see in the dark, a double-ended pick set to pick the lock on the diamond case, and a backpack to carry it away. No fingerprints were found, but traces of Strawberry Snack Cake were found on the window and sticky Root Beer was found on the pedestal.
“Our perp was wearing the stuff on the receipts. Isn’t that proof enough that it was Crimino?” you ask.
“Unfortunately not,” the police chief breathes. “It could be a coincidence, or another person might be trying to set her up. Either way, we need solid evidence to prove that it is possible for her to have gotten to the museum so quickly after leaving the last store. It would have taken her at least fifteen minutes, so that last receipt makes her innocent.”
You frown at these bumbling fools and shake your head. Their logic is so flawed, and they aren’t paying any attention to the details that actually matter. What really happened here?
Spoilers below...
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If it was really so impossible to jump all over town so fast, why was it hard for the police and detective to reason that something had to be amiss? If Crimino somehow leapt from the North Quarter to the Eastern District in mere minutes, what was to say she could not have simply appeared at the museum? Shouldn’t they be trying to figure out the HOW instead of the IF?
Refraining to bring up these facts, you calm your temper and clear your throat, reminding the pair that Daylight Savings Time just ended this morning. Then, you rearrange the receipts in the correct order and begin to explain yourself:
North Quarter Sporting Goods
12:59 am Heavy-Duty Backpack
1:13 am Climbing Rope and Harness
1:15 am Black Hiking Boots
Drives for about 15 minutes into the next section of town.
Southside Gas Station
1:32 am Strawberry Snack Cake
1:39 am 10 Gallons of Gas
1:55 am Root Beer Soda Pop
Drives for about 15 minutes into the next section of town but, since Daylight Savings Time is ending, the clocks fall back which causes the timestamps to change from 2 am back to 1 am again.
Eastern District Hardware
1:11 am Glass Cutter
1:14 am Double-Ended Pick Set
1:16 am Bright Flashlight
Drives for about 15 minutes into the next section of town.
Westland Clothing
1:31 am Black Jumpsuit
1:35 am Black Gloves
1:44 am Black Balaclava
Drives for about 15 minutes into the next section of town and, since this is now considered the actual hour, time does not reset and 2 am is finally officially here.
Then, you direct their attention to the Midtown Museum (security footage) again:
2:00 am A figure arrives, wearing a black jumpsuit, gloves, hiking boots, and balaclava. They use a climbing rope and harness to scale the building, a glass cutter to get into the window, a bright flashlight to see in the dark, a double-ended pick set to pick the lock on the diamond case, and a backpack to carry it away. No fingerprints were found, but traces of Strawberry Snack Cake were found on the window and sticky Root Beer was found on the pedestal.
“Now, it all makes sense!” the detective exclaims. “How do we ever solve cases without you?”
“You don’t,” you mutter under your breath before turning and walking away. Dealing with these nincompoops is exhausting. You’re well deserving of a Strawberry Snack Cake and an ice-cold can of Root Beer right about now…