The saddest words

Hiraeth. The home that I need. The home that is supposed to be safe. A home I can only find in my head, a place I cannot go but I want desperately. Some place, where I can never be, what I can never see, what I will never smell, Unfelt, and forever away. A home that isn't even a home.

Nostalgia. I yearning so deep in my soul, it hurts. A curse forever embedded. The smell of blood that brings back horrors. The smell of cologne or perfume that makes you want to cry. The old scents of books, the worlds we can never relive or have. The sound of shoes squeaking, remembering when they would have ran to me, but now they cannot.

Hope. Something that I cannot get rid of. There will always be a flicker, but hope means it's not there. You hope he would be yours. You hope they will live through it. Hope, a new torcher of it's own because it gives you something to hold onto tightly just to rip it away in the most painful way.

Might. He might have lived. They might have made it. A place where there could have ended differently. Might. A word that means there could have been a different outcome, meaning that it's coming out as a blame on one person. They might have made it if only, only I had done something different.

Forgotten. To never have another person whisper to you, or hold you. To come to a home that no longer remembers anything when you remember. The pain of realizing you were never important enough to be remembered.

Wished. I wished it was different. A wish is made when there is only hope, no logical sense or real chance. A wish that cannot come true, because wishes don't exist.

God. The only person who has watched over every death, held all of the human kind. The only person who mourns the loss of every life because they saw all. They knew all, they met all, they were all. And still there can be no stop to death.

Almost. They were almost there, he almost lived, I almost saved it. It almost finished. He was almost born. She was almost redeemed. He was almost forgiven. She was almost loved. He was almost not alone.

Last. Alone, desolate. Broken, but moving on because they are the last. The dwindling fear, the hope that last did not just mean one. A lonely number, a lonely status. She was the last to see them. It was the last sunrise. The last chance. The last life. The last piece.