Not to be Loved

I can’t say I forgive them,

that has long since been done.

I don’t have the capacity

to hold hate or to hold a grudge.

I loved them each completely,

each and every one,

and I will love them always,

truly until my life is done.

Not because I’m lost in the past.

Not because they gave me reason or cause.

Not because I can’t move on with my life.

Not because I’m obsessing or lost.

I love them for a reason simple,

one so simple you won't understand.

I love them despite the wreckage they caused,

because love is who I am.

Love is not something I give,

Love is not something I have.

Love is not something I do.

Love is just who I am.

So I can’t forgive them,

for no hard feelings have I kept.

I’ve reached a point of understanding,

so I offer this instead.

I can now absolve them,

as a priest of confessed sins.

I can wash them clean as snow,

remove the guilt from them.

Not that I think they feel it,

that they feel guilt or any remorse.

Their high horse ever steady,

their ego is par for course.

They rewrote their history,

the script they flipped long ago,

to a narrative they can live with.

The truth was free to go.

Yet they are absolved of guilt,

because no options did they have.

They could not love me even if they tried,

because love is who I am.

I am in truth unlovable,

for those inside of my world.

Those outside will nay say,

tell me I’m the most worthy of girls.

But I am unlovable,

and I don’t mean that negatively.

I am love, it’s who I am,

it’s the air that exhales from me.

Just like you can’t make water wet,

or give warmth to the sun.

You can’t love me simply because,

I. Am. Love.