Fading Friendships

I'm scared to lose my friends;

Always have been, always will be.

But something has changed recently.

A realization, that maybe it's not my friends who will leave me,

But that I might leave my friends.

And that scares me even more.

I don't want to lose my friends,

But lately, I haven't been connecting with one of my oldest friends.

She's been with me through thick and thin,

For the past ten years and counting.

And I don't want to lose her.

But each interaction, each conversation,

I feel like I'm getting further and further away from her.

We've always been very different from one another,

A fact that I used to respect, cherish even.

She exposed me to a whole new world,

One I wouldn't have been aware of without her.

But at what point do differences tear apart a relationship?

We seem to argue over the simplest things,

Can't come to an agreement, just agree to disagree.

We've had different experiences,

So I can't blame her for not understanding my perspective at times.

But lately it feels like I can't even share my opinion

Without her getting defensive, ready to fight me.

We're both too stubborn for our own good,

Her even more so.

And honestly, I'm getting tired of it now.

Tired of the arguing, the battling.

I hate that we're so different from each other now.

The fact that we've both changed, but in different directions.

The things that used to hold us together are fading,

And I start to wonder,

"What's the point of us anymore?"

Is it desperation that keeps us connected now,

A longing for the past and what used to be?

Or hope that we can reconnect,

When all signs are pointing to the negative?

I don't want to leave,

To lose connection with her,

But I'm scared that the thought has even crossed my mind.

That I might not want to continue this friendship with her,

That some day, I might decide that it's not worth it anymore;

A tragedy that's been in progress over the span of ten years,

Is there a happy ending to our story together?