Well, Mary...

I hope to enjoy it. The bad times will come, they always have, they always do, but there's too many prettier things to focus on. Rain never lasts forever, right?

Have you ever stared at the sky long enough that you start to smile and marvel at how wonderfully bizarre it looks? I feel a smile itching at my lips when birds pass me by, when I have to duck under a tree reaching out to pat me on the head, when I hear someone laughing themselves to exhaustion even in a video.

Speaking of videos, quite the cool, relatively new medium for art, isn't it? Films are so very pretty to watch at times. So devastating in good ways. They will break your heart and build it anew in two short hours. I've seen so many beautiful things made by beautiful people and I do feel blessed and grateful to be here with you once in a while.

I savour those moments. I could say there's a certain career I'm aiming for or a girl I hope to one day marry. Truth is, I'm not sure exactly what job I'll have or how long it'll last before I try something else entirely, nor am I sure if I'll have the chance to ever date a woman since I'm too scared to try in this homophobic little country of mine... 200 million little.

What I do know is that there are pretty little things. There are butterflies and the smell of baked goods and good cooking. There's all sorts of sensory experiences and haunting creative endeavors by the constantly-searching people of this strange world.

We scour the earth for what will consume us with joy and passion, forgetting that right here and now, there is beauty even then. It's so easy to forget. Tonight, I'm thankful for the feeling of my little brother's foot against my side and the fan saving me from sweating up buckets. I'm grateful for the breaths I can take with no harm or hassle and the way my phone shines at me though my loneliness, reminding me that even if the empty void that lives somewhere within me is aiming to consume me some days instead of staying peaceful and quiet, I can always find an alternative to fill my existence with colour, even for a little while. I have before.

Just got to look.