Ping 1

When the 'ping' of the alarm sounded Sgt. Gronkowski didn't immediately react; he was supposedly watching the radar monitor for evidence of Soviet ICBMs or other unusual events but he was contemplating a hamburger which had just arrived and was deciding exactly where to take the first bite. Such decisions are not to be hurried. A poor choice and his hand or worse,his pants, would be covered in ketchup. the captain wouldn’t be pleased and he could end up on report. Why, he wondered, hadn't someone devised a doughnut shaped burger so that the sauce could be confined to the centre. Come to that, why hadn't they devised a burger that didn't need the dislocating jaw of an anaconda to take a bite? Why hadn't they devised the beef sandwich?

Having made his decision and taken a bite and the alarm having become more insistent he turned his attention to the screen before him, chewing slowly (Sgt. Gronkowski was a multi-tasker which was why he’d been promoted). What he saw was a 'trace' showing the path of an object detected by the long range radar. Sgt.Gronkowski stopped chewing and stabbed a key on his keyboard. The screen changed to show an extension of the actual trace both backward and forward in time thus showing the estimated origin of the object and its predicted destination. A further keypress produced the statement that the object originated from outside the Earth's atmosphere and could be either a meteorite or a missile launched into Earth orbit. The direction of travel suggested no likely source on the Earth's surface so the probability was that the object was extraterrestrial in origin. For confirmation Gronkowski pressed yet another key to restore the trace. This showed the object rapidly losing altitude with an estimated 'landfall' in mid-Pacific. Gronkowski re-commenced chewing and returned his attention

momentarily to his burger to plan his next assault. When next he glanced at the screen the trace had disappeared and a keypunch showed the object to have landed as predicted. Gronkowski entered a note on the sighting 'Meteorite' and turned to the more urgent problem of his hunger.

In Mexico the same alarm went totally unremarked. It was Siesta!

So it was that the craft escaped notice and drifted across Central America to the Caribbean before turning north towards Europe. Keeping to mid-Atlantic the craft attracted little attention since it thereby avoided territorial airspace. When it began to approach British airspace it was challenged to identify itself. It failed to respond to several such challenges and so an interceptor aircraft was scrambled to investigate. The pilot eventually reported sighting the strange craft but could obtain no response; 'buzzing' had no effect, the craft maintaining a steady course and speed. He requested permission to destroy the craft. The consternation produced by this request resulted in such a delay that when authority was finally granted the craft was touching down at Heathrow airport. In fact, having no undercarriage it ‘came to earth’ rather than ‘touched down’, then skidded along the tarmac in a shower of sparks and finally came to rest close to the perimeter fence.

For the last part of its journey it was pursued by two fire tenders which immediately swamped the craft in a blanket of foam. There being no sign of movement from the craft and lacking signs of fire or explosion the firemen eventually cleared the foam with water hoses.

At this point Security (in an armoured personnel carrier) screeched to a stop alongside the craft and a number of heavily armed men in flak jackets surrounded the craft falling to the ground. assuming menacing attitudes and pointing their weapons toward the craft. Nothing happened!; the men relaxed, lit cigarettes and began to chat amongst themselves. So it was that they didn't notice the appearance of a fine crack in the skin of the craft which presently could be identified as a door. When the door crashed onto the tarmac it caused considerable surprise and alarm but nothing more happened other than the sudden appearance of a small figure dressed in ill-fitting top hat and tails. He held nothing more menacing than a silver-topped cane. The clothes appeared to have been made for a much larger person.

Nevertheless the security men immediately adopted defensive positions - prone on the ground with weapons pointed in the general direction of the door.

'Oh please don't stand on ceremony', said the small figure, 'All this fuss is quite unnecessary. I merely wish to speak to the Prime Minister, I'm afraid I don't have an appointment. Could you organize that for me, please?'

Abashed,the security men scrambled to their feet and one of their number hastily spoke into a two-way radio. Shortly thereafter an immigration official arrived.

'Can I see your passport please? What's the purpose of your visit, business or pleasure, do you have a valid visa?'

When he didn’t receive an acceptable response the official placed the ‘visitor’ under arrest and took him to the terminal building where he was closely confined as an illegal immigrant. No-one thought to ask whence he came, how he

came or how he spoke English, even if with rather antiquated intonation.

The sole information they could extract was that he wished to see the Prime Minister as quickly as possible. Thus it was that the reason for the visit was given and his demand met.

He explained to the PM that his forefather had been assigned the task of investigating the activity of a German naval vessel which had appeared in the North Sea and was suspected of carrying out trials of a submersible. Disguised as a weather ship tasked with meteorological data gathering. they appeared close to the German craft.

The German captain was seated conspicuously in the stern, smoking a meerschaum pipe and apparently fishing. Meanwhile a crewmember lurked about the deck nonchalantly watching what the new arrival was doing and occasionally disappearing from view but using a hand-held periscope keeping them under investigation from behind deck fittings.

To appear to be innocently engaged they released a weather balloon which to their astonishment immediately disappeared! They of course suspected the Germans as being responsible and promptly released a second balloon whilst keeping a close eye on the Germans. This balloon disappeared in like manner and when a third also disappeared they decided they had better report this strange occurrence without delay and so made off at speed for London.

On arrival a hasty conference concluded that they had stumbled upon a hole in the atmosphere and the presence of a German vessel in the area made it imperative that some action should be taken without delay.

Accordingly it was decided to kit out a manned balloon to confirm the presence of this ‘hole’, and so it was that in the greatest secrecy, at the dead of night, a balloon was equipped with a thermos flask of tea, a packet of Rich Tea biscuits and a wheel of Cheddar cheese in case of emergencies. So equipped Sir Peter Skott and his man ,Basil ventured forth. Jettisoning all ballast the balloon rose and rose - and rose, ever accelerating and finally popped through the hole in the atmosphere like a champagne cork escaping its bottle.

Having escaped Earth’s gravitational pull they began to fall and Mars, being at this time below Earth they were eventually captured by Mars's gravitation and so eventually arrived there.

Mars having rather weak gravity they landed with a gentle bump and without damage to the balloon’s wicker basket. Clambering out and gazing around Sir Peter saw a desolate landscape scattered with what seemed to be toy windmills endlessly twirling in the breeze. Unconcerned, Sir Peter reached into the wicker basket of the balloon, extracted a Union Jack flag and pushed it into the ground and proclaimed this territory as being now part of the British Empire!

At this point a nearby rock face hissed aside revealing a small hairy figure dressed in a small pill-box hat and a uniform. Sir Peter was so surprised that he lost his grip on his monocle which floated gently down to his waist.

Ever polite, Sir Peter addressed the ‘dwarf’: “Good evening, my man!”

The dwarf responded:” Going down! Are you coming? It gets chilly up here at this time of day. ” Waving them to join him Sir Peter and Basil did as requested.

Sir Peter said “ I say, my man, could you take me to see your leader?”

“Going down!” responded the dwarf. “Dash it!”, exclaimed Sir Peter, “These Americans seem to get everywhere!”

“I shouldn’t worry, sir” murmured Basil “They’re probably tourists!

To be continued……