Without that difference

You're in the background of every thought, and I frame every picture in my mind so that you're in it. I do it without realising. But when I know you're gone, I have to correct every daydream by painfully erasing you from it. My decision making process is shattered as I find that all my plans automatically try to revolve around you and now have no point of balance. My internal monologue has somehow become an imagined dialogue between us, and I cannot suppress the echoes of your voice in my mind. I want to share every new idea with you because you are a part of them all. I shape every occurrence into an anecdote, carefully crafted for you. And now I know that I can never give you these creations. My emotions are just a reflection of you and with you gone they are formless. I had begun to define myself using the language of who you are and without that vocabulary my identity is a nebulous inequality. You were the answer to every question and now every inner turmoil remains unresolved. All these changes had begun to happen without me noticing, and only once I was forced to begin the task of reconstructing the pathways in my mind so that their destination is not always you, did I realise the extent of the difference you made. And without that difference I'm at a loss.