MY RED LACE UNDERWEAR
I stood in awe, as I turned on my bedroom light; he jumped up from the bed baring his nakedness, while running out of my bedroom. This time he would not be able to make any excuses, there was no way out of it. He was caught… Finally!
I was extremely hurt and started yelling at him, while looking for her “You have no God damn respect, why would you do this in my bedroom, when you have yours and all the privacy in the world. I do not intrude on you or your space, why are you infringing on mine?”I shouted after Shelton my twenty year old son. He was solid, with broad shoulders and a wide chest, his body stood out like ancient armor; he was short, his dark skin smooth, and quite a handsome young man. His hobbies of Martial Arts and Football, kept him fit and he visited the gym on a daily basis. I was proud of Shelton, in reality he never caused problems or heartache but his recent behavior had become a bit of a concern for me.
It had happened previously, about a month ago. I came home early from work and caught him in my bed, the door was open and as I approached I heard the commotion. Although the lights were off, I knew what was taking place. I stood there for a couple seconds trying to come to terms with the situation, and the best approach to dealing with it. However, not being able to handle it at that time, especially since he was unaware of my presence, I decided to leave quietly. I went to the mall, allowing him his privacy; I did not want to embarrass him. Later that day, after practicing my speech in the car on my way home, I was confident that I was prepared to discuss the situation with him but when I did, he denied it. Shelton refused to admit the truth. I exposed his lies and he pretended that it never happened. He became annoyed saying that he had never brought anyone over to the house. I was confused by his lies and annoyance but after further thought I came to the conclusion that Shelton was probably embarrassed, shy even and definitely not ready for me to meet her, so I left it alone and let it go.
His father and I raised him well, we did the best we could with the little we had, and now that he was gone I prided myself in doing my very best for Shelton, the way Walter would have wanted it. Academics were not his forte, but he had always been great with his hands, “an extremely gifted one” his teacher told me at one time. I felt proud and still do. Developing his skills in pottery was my idea, so I created his workshop in the garage after Walter died. It was an attempt to get closer to him, to understand him since he was withdrawn at times. I knew that losing his dad, at the tender age of twelve had contributed to his introvert behavior. Loosing Walter was difficult for us both and I too needed the distraction, thus pottery became our way of bonding.
On many occasions Shelton lingered around my room, even the bathroom while I showered. I feel as though he had tried taking up the role of “man of the house”, to which he was. He ensured that all was well with me and everything around our home. A few times he walked in on me while I was changing my clothes, but I thought nothing of it. He is my son, my most precious and cherished gift. I enjoyed Sunday evenings when I took my relaxing baths; he usually brought my favorite bottle of wine and we drank it together, while I lay in the tub and him on the floor. I missed Walter a great deal, and no one could ever replace him. He was a good husband and father, even in death he had taken care of us, his Insurance Policy maintained our lifestyle.
Tonight however I had to make this right, his behavior was unacceptable and he needed to stop using my room for his activities. I looked around the room calling out to her; I knew that I had been distracted by Shelton’s running off and as a result, she obviously used the opportunity to hide or get dressed, since she was nowhere in sight. I changed my tone then said “its okay my dear, come on out all is well.” I called out to her again since there was no response, “come on out, don’t be embarrassed, I would like to meet you.” However to my dismay I heard nothing and no one appeared. I noticed my bathroom door ajar and walked towards it still calling out, but this time saying “Hello! Hello!” I knocked and still got no response. I pushed the door open and was greeted by an empty bathroom. I looked around the room, no clothing was lying around and the window was blocked with burglar proof, so she could not have gone through there. I briskly walked over to the closet, and pulled the door open, no one was there either. I didn’t understand “where could she be?” I turned and looked at the bed, a smile formed on my face as I slowly walked over. I got down on all fours my head brushed against the carpet as I pulled up the sheets to be met face to face with my neat line of church shoes. I was surprised again, no one was there, “where’s the girl?” I asked myself. I bent down again and looked, but no girl. “Where in the world could she have gone?” As I sat up and rested my head against the bed, I looked up and noticed that the bed was still quite tidy. That’s when I saw it, my shoulders dropped and my mouth fell open in utter shock. I steered at it in absolute disbelief, this couldn’t be. It all came together; everything, his behavior, his irritation, his lies, were now exposed. My heart sank; I buried my head in my hands at its sight. Looking up I gazed at it, reaching for it, and then picking it up. Yes, it was mine. My pillow lay idly on my side of the bed, the side I had slept on for many years, even after Walter passed. It was very disturbing to see it; my red lace underwear had embodied the pillow, its corners sticking out like legs. It dropped from my hands, as his wetness had stained them. Another level of consciousness evolved, as heartbreak engulfed me; tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks as I wondered where I went wrong.