We’re cruising into 2021, leaving what looked like the most epic joyride of the century behind, unknowing of what’s ahead. The unpaved past that held the most incidents and pain to many, has somewhat cleared as the journey forward is hopeful. Relief hangs thick in the atmosphere as we propell forward. The significance of the fireworks that dazzled above came with a bountiful explosion of fuck you 2020!

Negativity perceives us, the traumatic 2020 won’t leave us, our human perspective jarred and the positive impact of the past won't surface since we will not take the time to even ponder on the good that still exists from 2020. We see it on all social media, Netflix has brought Death to 2020 and though we are in 2021, we ponder on the year we claim to hold so much bitterness and hatred towards.

Who do we blame? God? The Devil? What about ourselves? Yes I said it ourselves, No, I’m not drunk. It’s the value in the opportunities we receive, that sometimes we do not take advantage of and the normal human behavior is to cast blame. We tend to dwell on our suffering although it takes more energy and effort to worry and stress over things we do not have the ability to change, than use these unforseen circumstances as avenues to reflect, learn, think, plan and create opportunities to live, just live.

This circle, or cyle is called life and through every generation there are stories, hiccups, death, and other terrible things that occurred. Our ancestors have been through so much with less. We the people of 2021 are fortunate to have these new experiences under our belt. 2020 should have brought about reform of some kind, family oriented, encourgament to live life to the fullest since tomorrow is not promised, when things change, we do too and adapt, even lend a helping hand when we can. 2020 brought back the humanity we lacked, it’s almost as though 2020 was a reset button that was pressed, a gear that was changed on this jorney of life. Though to each the effect of it was different, there are lessons to be learnt.

Dont say fuck off to 2020, be encouraged, be appreciative that you survived it and now, gauge this new year with a positive mindset, living every day as they come, being in the moment and knowing that 2020 is in your rear view.

The ignorance of some people is really disheartening. Some folks actually believe the outcry over the murder of Shannon Banfield at a store on Charlotte Street in Port of Spain last week stemmed from her pretty face, complexion and job status.

It has nothing to do with that. Shannon Banfield went into a household store on Charlotte Street and ended up dead, her body found decaying in the store, stuffed behind boxes, on the top floor warehouse days later.

This is outrageous. How can we focus on who she was, or what she looked like? We should not care if it was a tourist visiting our country or someone begging for a donation.

A young woman walked off the streets at daylight into a store along with other shoppers and workers, and will never see her loved ones again.

The horror she would have gone through is unthinkable; bear in mind there was no robbery; there was no crazed gunman or anything accidental like a fire.

Another young woman is dead, another life snuffed out. This has happened to a young woman who had nothing to hide, since she spoke with her mother earlier informing her of her whereabouts and her plans for that afternoon. No one deserves that such an awful fate; what her family is going through is no less than hell.

How could we, as citizens of Trinidad and Tobago, make statements like what I’ve seen on social media stating, “If it was a black girl from Laventille, the nation would not react this way’’?

This could have been anyone. What is our country coming to?

You have the audacity to talk about face, complexion and job status?

Shame on you!

My hands are unclean

My clothes are shabby

You pass me on the streets

Not even a penny

You frown your face

and turn your head

I go unnoticed and when i eat

It's from the garbage heap

I am judged and ignored

And when I beg frowned upon

I guess you've never been hungry

Or punished by poverty

The fact that you are what you eat

Comes from the source

Who definitely sees us

lying on street corners

Yet you simply pass by

In your fancy heels; fancy suits

Passing me here on Charlotte street

Where is humanity?

Where is the so called love?

Where is sweet T & T?

In times gone by,

I didn’t understand the hype

I didn’t realize

He weren’t my type

It’s not thin and tall,

Nor muscular and strong

Neither was it handsome or smart

Or taking long romantic walks in the park

But what I asked for I did receive

When God made Eve for Adam

With that same breath

He made us two

Destined to be...happy

We’ve Exceeded expectations

Fought many battles holding hands

Indescribable is how you make me feel

Till this day, we will forever be

The couple that was meant to be

You’re the blessing,

That broke all my curses

The comfort that relieved all my pain

My friend, my teacher, my lover

We have grown up together

We’ve celebrated many

Far more than eyes can see

Loss & hurt immeasurably

Not always plain to see

You found a way to my heart

And we have found a way to be

We’re now one.

You are my love...

The cheer to my successes

The comfort to my pain

My better half

And the heart of my dreams

Love Is ... Inevitably, You and Me

Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror and before judging the pimple on your face, the darkness of your lips, the size of your eyes, the texture of your hair, the marks on your skin, too much or too little breasts, your tummy, skinny or too thick thighs, no butt etc. I could go on and on, simply look at yourself in the mirror and smile, while you’re smiling think about all the positive and good things in your life, everything that is good think about it and smile a little more, appreciate what you’ve been blessed with. It will become easier to do as you practice it more and more. I say look into a mirror, because you don’t want to associate the way you feel with who you are, so look at yourself and your reflection will remind you. If you do not like what you see and can change it, know that you hold the power to do so.

We spend too much time criticizing ourselves and others, we may plaster on a smile and create a strong woman parade to the world but sometimes on the inside we feel rotten, it may not surface everyday but when it comes we get funky and difficult to deal with, we lash out in many ways. At times we are nasty to others at work, especially to other women who look like they have it all together. Then there are times we feel as though we need a man to make us feel better, which by the way is far from what we need. The truth however is that we need to love ourselves first, inside and out, embracing and loving who we are without needing anyone to tell us they love us, or that we look good. When we hear it, it should be the icing on the cake, not the flour to make the cake.

Know that it will take one step at a time then one day at a time to become that empowered woman. When you get to the place of reformation, where you feel better and stronger within yourself, a bad day will be coming, because our lives aren’t fairy-tales things change and unfortunate things do happen, remember though, that no situation remains the same and we must whether the storm and strengthen ourselves but not by making others feel awful. When that day or moment comes, take a step back and search yourself, check your attitude and shake it off.

Be your own kind of beautiful and celebrate being a woman!

Listen up women...It is time we stop criticizing each other, stop looking for faults and being a nuisance in another woman's life. We should be encouraging, help each other out. So the younger sister in church may not be as classy as you, or the neighbours daughter dresses and looks a bit vulgar, don't look at them and judge, there are so many reasons why women dress the way we do and most times we judge by what we see.

There is so much more going on under the skin of a woman, in her head, behind her smiles. We all have our problems and judging, and turning up your nose, and sometimes the hard long stares makes it so much more difficult in making another woman feel good about herself.

Have you ever gotten dressed up, makeup well done, hair is gorgeous, before you leave the house you are on top of the world because you're looking good and you know it, then you hit the streets, or enter the event and the stares you get from other women have you wondering if you have mess on you or something, you quickly start glancing down at yourself, wondering if something changed from the time you looked into the mirror to that grand entrance?

Well that is what some women do, but it needs to stop, pay a complement to a sister, so her dress his really short and her butt is outside, compliment her hair, or makeup and say " girl, don't bend down everyone can see your kingdom, but you look lovely". In other words help her out don't kill her confidence, we all know how we do it. I too sometimes slip up and judge, but when we do it? It’s when we don't feel good about ourselves or when we are having a bad day. It's hard to pay a compliment when you don't feel good inside.

Try this...Pay a compliment to a woman today and at least to one every day, let’s try to build and create love for each other.

Let’s celebrate all women, every kind of woman, because sometimes the situation you're handed causes you to be... even if it's for 1 day... a woman you may not be too proud of, but there might be in your time of need another woman to pick you up.

Be your own kind of beautiful and celebrate being a woman!

Time and time again,

We've heard them say "black lives matter"

Time and time again,

Who do we blame?

Where are we, in this time of struggle and pain,

We all bleed the same.

Skin, hair, nails are we the human race?

Cut your veins,

Squeeze your face,

Insanity drives this world to unhappiness.

If black lives really matter, 

It would matter to us the most,

But day in day out,

We're selling each other out.

It's time for this sickness and shame,

To change the game,

Of how we view and treat other,

Only then will black lives really matter,

When we stop killing each other.

Don't you see what's happening?

All naturals and prints are on street corners,

blacks are no longer lying dormant.

We're proud of who we are and how far we've come,

Imagine Barack Obama is in the white house.

Our heads are lifted and our songs we hum,

As we all march to the beat of the drum.

Mother earth, 

Our home called Africa,

We are awake and will no longer suffer.

Don't you think they see it too?

Why else will they be killing you?

Go back to your roots,

Research and you'll conclude,

The world has come thus far,

Because Black Lives Do Matter.

I hear whispers, but don't see who's whispering,

Deep panting and heavy breathing,

My fear of the dark has become crippling.

I have discovered that something resides here

Here in the darkness,

It's under my skin

At the back of my neck

This sleeplessness is upsetting.

The eerie chill crawls up my spine

An unsettling pain resides in my chest

My stomach groans from restlessness

It's scratching on the walls, whispering my name...

My hands are sweaty and I’m shaking,

There is an eerie familiarity

I'm losing touch with reality

This life beyond the darkness,

Is not plain to see

Whoever’s there

What do you want from me?

I stood in awe, as I turned on my bedroom light; he jumped up from the bed baring his nakedness, while running out of my bedroom. This time he would not be able to make any excuses, there was no way out of it. He was caught… Finally!

I was extremely hurt and started yelling at him, while looking for her “You have no God damn respect, why would you do this in my bedroom, when you have yours and all the privacy in the world. I do not intrude on you or your space, why are you infringing on mine?”I shouted after Shelton my twenty year old son. He was solid, with broad shoulders and a wide chest, his body stood out like ancient armor; he was short, his dark skin smooth, and quite a handsome young man. His hobbies of Martial Arts and Football, kept him fit and he visited the gym on a daily basis. I was proud of Shelton, in reality he never caused problems or heartache but his recent behavior had become a bit of a concern for me.

It had happened previously, about a month ago. I came home early from work and caught him in my bed, the door was open and as I approached I heard the commotion. Although the lights were off, I knew what was taking place. I stood there for a couple seconds trying to come to terms with the situation, and the best approach to dealing with it. However, not being able to handle it at that time, especially since he was unaware of my presence, I decided to leave quietly. I went to the mall, allowing him his privacy; I did not want to embarrass him. Later that day, after practicing my speech in the car on my way home, I was confident that I was prepared to discuss the situation with him but when I did, he denied it. Shelton refused to admit the truth. I exposed his lies and he pretended that it never happened. He became annoyed saying that he had never brought anyone over to the house. I was confused by his lies and annoyance but after further thought I came to the conclusion that Shelton was probably embarrassed, shy even and definitely not ready for me to meet her, so I left it alone and let it go.

His father and I raised him well, we did the best we could with the little we had, and now that he was gone I prided myself in doing my very best for Shelton, the way Walter would have wanted it. Academics were not his forte, but he had always been great with his hands, “an extremely gifted one” his teacher told me at one time. I felt proud and still do. Developing his skills in pottery was my idea, so I created his workshop in the garage after Walter died. It was an attempt to get closer to him, to understand him since he was withdrawn at times. I knew that losing his dad, at the tender age of twelve had contributed to his introvert behavior. Loosing Walter was difficult for us both and I too needed the distraction, thus pottery became our way of bonding.

On many occasions Shelton lingered around my room, even the bathroom while I showered. I feel as though he had tried taking up the role of “man of the house”, to which he was. He ensured that all was well with me and everything around our home. A few times he walked in on me while I was changing my clothes, but I thought nothing of it. He is my son, my most precious and cherished gift. I enjoyed Sunday evenings when I took my relaxing baths; he usually brought my favorite bottle of wine and we drank it together, while I lay in the tub and him on the floor. I missed Walter a great deal, and no one could ever replace him. He was a good husband and father, even in death he had taken care of us, his Insurance Policy maintained our lifestyle.

Tonight however I had to make this right, his behavior was unacceptable and he needed to stop using my room for his activities. I looked around the room calling out to her; I knew that I had been distracted by Shelton’s running off and as a result, she obviously used the opportunity to hide or get dressed, since she was nowhere in sight. I changed my tone then said “its okay my dear, come on out all is well.” I called out to her again since there was no response, “come on out, don’t be embarrassed, I would like to meet you.” However to my dismay I heard nothing and no one appeared. I noticed my bathroom door ajar and walked towards it still calling out, but this time saying “Hello! Hello!” I knocked and still got no response. I pushed the door open and was greeted by an empty bathroom. I looked around the room, no clothing was lying around and the window was blocked with burglar proof, so she could not have gone through there. I briskly walked over to the closet, and pulled the door open, no one was there either. I didn’t understand “where could she be?” I turned and looked at the bed, a smile formed on my face as I slowly walked over. I got down on all fours my head brushed against the carpet as I pulled up the sheets to be met face to face with my neat line of church shoes. I was surprised again, no one was there, “where’s the girl?” I asked myself. I bent down again and looked, but no girl. “Where in the world could she have gone?” As I sat up and rested my head against the bed, I looked up and noticed that the bed was still quite tidy. That’s when I saw it, my shoulders dropped and my mouth fell open in utter shock. I steered at it in absolute disbelief, this couldn’t be. It all came together; everything, his behavior, his irritation, his lies, were now exposed. My heart sank; I buried my head in my hands at its sight. Looking up I gazed at it, reaching for it, and then picking it up. Yes, it was mine. My pillow lay idly on my side of the bed, the side I had slept on for many years, even after Walter passed. It was very disturbing to see it; my red lace underwear had embodied the pillow, its corners sticking out like legs. It dropped from my hands, as his wetness had stained them. Another level of consciousness evolved, as heartbreak engulfed me; tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks as I wondered where I went wrong.

After having a few drinks with my buddies, I walked into our hotel room expecting you to be asleep; after all you had a lengthy day and by the evidence of bags I observed in the room earlier, shopping had taken up the majority of it. The room we shared was not particularly fancy, but it did contain an astounding white porcelain tub for two, enclosed by clear tempered glass. This phenomenal bathroom stood in the middle of the room. I staggered into the room and was surprised by the lights being on. The two queen sized beds were on the same side of the room a mere distance between them. Night stands separated the beds and there was enough walking span around them but the space itself was quite small. The yellow walls held a clock and a pair of landscape paintings. Our room overlooked the pool, however the lights from outside did not radiate all the way through the windows since the bamboo blinds were drawn. As my gaze lingered on your bed I was utterly astounded to see your nakedness lying on the blue satin sheets. Your perfectly rounded ass exposed, your black thong peeking through. I was captivated, I stood in silence as my eyes traced every inch of your curves. I wondered for a moment if the proper gesture would be to sheath you, however the closeness that had to be involved would bring about another sort of temptation, so I left you alone. This entire experience was mind blowing, confusion overwhelmed me. I wanted so badly to embrace your bareness and ravish every inch of your smooth perfection. I felt myself grow hard and as I placed my hands on my crotch I couldn’t help but squeeze away the desires I felt at that moment. My eyes remained fixed on you, your bare skin alluring, your position vulgar and inviting as you lay on your stomach with your hips elevated, your right leg spread out and up to your stomach, as your left leg dangled off the edge of the bed. This was torture! I licked my lips frequently; it was as though I tasted your sweetness in every tongue stroke. I placed my hands onto my head, then over my face willing the image away, but you didn’t move a muscle. Instead I could see the slight rise and fall of your body as you lay there gently breathing, enjoying your slumber.

I took the lights off, and then slowly and carefully moved closer to your bed, then at hands reach I stopped, and sat on mine. I looked away filling my mind with everything and anything avoiding the thoughts of you. It worked for a while; with you sleeping I undressed and got under the covers, my erection bursting through my boxers. I felt ashamed, and willed myself to sleep but it did not work. The buzz I felt kept me uneasy, irritable as I lay in bed angled in your direction, looking directly at you. I couldn’t help it any longer, I had fought as hard as I could and while I never took notice of you in this way prior to tonight, your sexy bare skin had me fantasizing, wanting you. I was repulsed by my actions but my weakness grew stronger. I released my thoughts, and allowed the feeling of being inside you to take control of my mind and body, as I lay looking at you, my penis in hand; I masturbated… I knew the entire act was erroneous however I was truly unable to escape it.

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I was hoping you came into the room when you did; I purposefully exposed myself, eager for you to have me. I’ve felt this way about you for the past couple years, but I was disappointed. I’ve wanted you for so long and when you told me you were going to have some drinks with the guys, I knew it would be the perfect time to seduce you. You would blame it on the alcohol and I would have had you. I could never look into your eyes and express my feelings, I was brought up with the principle of knowing my place as a woman, and it was definitely not to make the first move where men were concerned. I didn’t need you looking at me as though I was desperate, because I was not. I completely understood your hesitation but I had also seen you looking at me.

I distinctively remembered last summer, it was the first time you saw me in my tight, denim shorts, the ones with the black paws printed on the back pockets with the tiny hem, which rested just under my butt cheeks. I had worn them at Shem’s beach party; my girlfriends had all told me that the shorts were so tight my pegs were showing. I could not have relayed to them that I knew, and that I wanted it to show since I was trying to get your attention. The seam of the pants was rubbing against my clit, and it had created a unique and breath-taking sensation which I welcomed. While I looked at you in the distance, I fantasized that the feeling was essentially you satisfying me. When we interacted I felt sexy; I wanted you then and even more so as time has-been, my longing for you has significantly increased.

As adults the decision depends on us, our desires, and our secrets, they would forever remain concealed; the attraction and passion I know we share should be explored. You had the perfect opportunity but you chose to evade the obvious by masturbating…why? I was awake; I knew you looked at me while you touched yourself. I heard your moans and your heavy breathing. I saw you climax and I wanted so badly to turn over, open my legs and give myself to you, but I could not bring myself to doing it, not then. I was not sure of how you would react with me, seeing you under those circumstances. Consequently, I chose to lay silent while I enjoyed your random act of passion. I fantasized and the moistness between my legs increased, as I subtly enjoyed the moment with you. I only wished we were able to share it together, however I would never give up; I cannot, because my craving for you is insatiable.

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When I woke up I did not immediately recall my sins of the night before, not until I saw you. I was nauseated by my body’s impulsive reaction to you, this was heart wrenching. You wore a white sheer see through nightgown; I could see the black thong, the one I was crippled to last night as you moved about the room. My eyes covertly followed your every move as the nightmare came to life. I was lying in bed hoping you would not recognize that I was awake but you did, and as you walked over to me, I felt the guilt, heavy, weighing down on me. I sat up, closed my eyes for just a moment, and took in a deep breath while trying to recover my strength, and to win control of the overpowering lust and perversion that I was battling. I had to overcome this quandary, and so with the best intention I stood up, ready to face the day.

You brought me breakfast and we sat together, the blinds were opened and we casually talked about the day ahead. I was able to stay focused throughout our meal, but I continually kept my eyes out the window as I looked at the staff on the pool deck, I would slightly glance back at you while avoiding eye contact. When our meal came to an end and the day followed its due course, it became easier. I had been able to look at you and have a conversation without any distractions. After all, I am quite convinced that I had way too much alcohol last night, and my hang over this morning had definitely contributed to the unfortunate happenings. My most recent, peculiar behaviour was in the past, and I was delighted to move forward, leaving it behind, my secrets never to be told and hopefully to hastily forget.

With my sudden burst of confidence, I got dressed and headed to the pool. I was not a conceded individual but I knew my physique caused an attraction with the ladies. I was 5’ 9”with a slender muscular built, an ethnic mix of African and Caucasian gave me an eye-catching appearance. I had a straight nose, a sharp jaw line with hazel brown eyes and golden brown curly hair. My tanned complexion was luminous in the sunlight, as I walked around the pool. The black trunks I wore hugged every part of my midsection, with the towel over my right shoulder it brushed against the brown curly hairs on my chest. I felt excellent as I took in a deep breath; I exhaled slowly then pulled the shades down off my head and unto my face. I sat on the edge of the pool and dangled my feet in the water as I enjoyed the fresh air, beautiful weather and ambiance at the hotel.

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We only have two more days at this hotel. I will never have the opportunity to be this close to you again, not without anyone else in our presence. Sharing a room with you and sleeping so close to you at night. This was marvelous, I will certainly never get over it; frustration would take control if it does not happen before we leave. I must bring myself to express the feelings I hide, because my love for you is overwhelmingly passionate. Words cannot express how much I love you or explain the depths of my desires, the erotic fantasies and hunger I hold for you are endless. When I am next to you and our skin touch, even if it’s for a brief moment, the warmth and smoothness of your skin causes an agitation within me. My legs jitters in anticipation, the enthusiasm boils as my body reacts to your faint gestures. I can tell that you are attempting to ignore this, why won’t you allow it? To permit the unspoken love and erotic desires to take its natural course; you must be willing to unleash the reservations that dwell within you.

I won’t tell a soul, I promise… make love to me!

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I saw you in the distance, attractive and enticing in your floral bikini, I stared at you through the lens of my shades. Relieved that I was wearing them, and to be honest this was the very first time I really looked at you. I started from your curly tresses that bounced about your shoulders when you walked; I looked at your beautiful face bright with youth and cheer, as the little dimples in your cheeks deepened when you smile. I was oblivious to how attractive you were, your caramel toned skin was so appealing, your lusciously pink lips curved perfectly and you had the smallest hands and feet. Your curves stood out as I continued staring at you, after a while I wanted to look away but couldn’t. I hid behind the darkness of the shades, taking in your sexiness with every stride and motion of your body. I took the towel off my shoulder, and placed it on my lap to conceal my erection. I continued tracing you with my eyes, as you got closer to me, my heart raced, the thoughts that terrorized me grew stronger than ever. Your hips swerved to and fro your thick legs and full hips engulfed me as you sat next to me. You placed your hands on mine and smiled, I smiled back, dirty thoughts appeared in my mind, and I hung my head in shame.

My sense of pride had been shattered; my self control questioned whatever was wrong with me? I was deeply confused. I was still admiring your curvy physique and your silky skin as you sat next to me. The words you spoke at that time meant nothing; all I could do, was focus on the aroma that came from your presence. There was a twinkle in your eyes and I wondered if it was a sign of some sort. I paid attention to the way you held my hand, then the way, in which you lay your head on my shoulder as you continued talking about the subject, I was unable to corroborate. I looked down at you resting on me, your breasts stood out full and firm, you looked stunning with your legs touching mine; there was extra warmth that I grew passionately attached to and in that moment, I forgot who we were and I took pleasure in comforting you. I passed my hands down the length of your arms and the heat rose under them but was broken by your reaction to my silence. You looked up at me and smiled your infectious smile causing me to automatically smile back, as I sensed our connection. Beads of sweat ran down my head as the reality settled in once again, and the fairy-tale rode away with the daylight. I could not understand or explain this…what do I do? I knew this was absurd, and I could not confide in anyone.

I knew that I was a great father and husband, Sheila told me so all the time. If I stepped out of line at this point, my good name would be smeared. I would lose everything, the embarrassment would be immeasurable. I remained focused on what was important. My family came first, keeping them together was important. I could not hurt Sheila by giving in to this. You would not get to me; I would leave here tomorrow, never to utter a word to anyone about this ridiculous and tempting scenario. It was not my intention to share the room with you, but due to the mix up with the reservations, and the only other option being, looking for another hotel, I succumbed to it; since we got in at 3am the hassle of another hotel was too much . This however, was definitely a mistake, what was I thinking?

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I realize that you have put some distance between us; you’re not drinking anymore. You have been spending most of your time on the computer. It’s our last night here; we leave at 7 in the morning, so this must end tonight since for me it’s now or never. I have mustered up all the courage and confidence needed to go against my upbringing and make the first move. A glass of coconut rum on the rocks, had aided in giving me the confidence for my task at hand. I was ready for you, longed for you, and as my heart raced, I wondered if you would embarrass me or turn me away. I sat quietly in anticipation, as I hoped that this would not change our relationship negatively, I did not want to make things awkward between us. Instead, I wanted to delight in you and our forbidden love and passionate desires.

My plan was thrown into action when you walked through the door; I took up my robe and headed to take a shower. I knew you could see me, after all the bathroom stood in the middle of the room, enclosed by clear glass, which frosted up once the hot water was turned on. So I took a cold shower, an extremely long one. I glanced in your direction at intervals and saw you sitting on your bed with your back to me. I tried to enjoy my shower but the longing and eagerness was getting the better of me. I fantasized about you satisfying my deepest desires, I closed my eyes and felt your hands on me, pleasuring me, caressing me, fondling, kissing, gosh!… I needed you. I opened my eyes and felt the impatience and craving take control. I stood in the tub, dried myself with the towel then dropped it to the floor, and walked out naked. With a single intention, I walked over to you.

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I felt it, tonight was like no other, I tried keeping myself busy, I refrained from alcohol because it obviously clouded my judgement. Tonight there was nothing in my system but you. There was an electric jolt in the room, as I walked in I felt it. The little voice in my head said “don’t stay in this room tonight” but I did not comply. I saw you go into the bathroom and instead of leaving the room like I usually did; I went straight to my bed. I was enticed; I looked at you at phases, each time I was fortunate you weren’t turned my way. My mouth fell open when you turned around with your eyes shut; I gazed at you touching yourself, my eyes tracing every stroke your hands made. You were remarkable; it made me want you instantaneously.

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It was now or never, my confident stride across the room was incredible, I felt so in control in that moment. That’s why I walked up to you; the expression on your face when you looked around was exactly what I was hoping for. I saw shock and desire, both at the same time. I placed my finger on your lips, because you didn’t need to say anything. You turned around, your body now facing mine, as you sat on the bed with me standing in front of you. I straddled you, my finger still on your lips, as you look at me questioning my next move. I removed my finger from your lips and adjusted myself on top of you. My knees were apart from each other, with you between my nakedness. My face now inches from yours; I knew then that you were mine. I felt you hard underneath me, and I knew you could no longer resist. I moved in closer to you, allowing our lips to touch… and then, I closed my eyes and heard your breathing intensify, as you kissed me deeply. I expected it, the passion rose, fireworks went off. The heat rose and our bodies became wet from the lustrous, forbidden desires and in unison we climaxed. I had won! I was entirely fulfilled by our lovemaking. It was much more than I had hoped for or imagined.

As I lay in your arms I looked at you, the love that I felt could no longer be contained within me, it’s then I had said “I love you Peter, my lover, my friend, MY FATHER!!!” you did not respond but the hold you had around my neck, as I lay in your arms tightened and it caught me by surprise. This was serious, I couldn’t breathe, and I gasped for air and fought as hard as I could. You kept squeezing. I couldn’t understand it. You were hurting me after we had made passionate love and then… I was no more.

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I knew you were up to something; I should have listened to the voice in my head. That voice had always guided me precisely. However my mistake tonight had to be corrected. It was your intention to devise my end; why else would you have given yourself to me in this way, and after everything, said that! You needn’t remind me of who I was. I could not allow this; the weakness I felt with you, for you, was terrifying. You had broken me down, and would have destroyed everything I worked hard for. I needed to protect what was important. So my dear, I won!

I carried my head high, and beamed with pride as I folded you in the tub. This is where you would stay; I got dressed and drove down to the hardware in the neighboring town. I got all my supplies and hurried back to the room with hours to spare before check out. I liquefied your body; you meant nothing to me anymore. I sat there looking at where you once lay, my emotions were dead. My spirits were low, and a dreadful look was now plastered on my face, as the recollection of it all came rushing back. I sat in wonder as I uttered “Stacy…my daughter…you’re gone!”