It’s always been me anyway
To others I call it a nightmare out loud, but it's more of a daydream. People skirt around the issue when one of us gets hurt, they don't say the words I read in their eyes, "What would happen if she dies? What would you do?" She and I came to the world together, but as the saying goes, we will die alone. Who will go first? The people-pleaser in me seems self-sacrificing, but true-me, real-me, genuine-me, they all give her up for the taking. If I die first she'll mess it up. She'll wear my existence like a cloak and feed from it. If it were me, I'd make it as if she never was. If she died first, people would remember her as past.
It wouldn't be hard, she has never been well-liked anyway and she liked to blame it on me as if I weren't working my ass off to be likable. She resented my hard work and called it hypocritical. She prides herself in being 'her', but hates me for being the favorite. If I died first she would inherit all the love others feel for me and she hasn't earned it. She doesn't deserve it. If she died, I would inherit expectations of carrying on and boy, would I carry on.
I used to feel I needed forgiveness for this, but I don't care for redemption anymore.