i guess nobody ever really has the life they want

I feel as though

for a very long period of time

I was fighting against my own life.

my best friend would always say to me

"everything happens for a reason"

and maybe it was my stubbornness

or maybe it was the fact that that

was probably just her excuse to hurt me

but for so long I refused to believe it.

because what was the reason for an 11

year old girl to be used by a boy

so he could get to her best friend.

what was the reason for

a 12 year old girl to get bullied

because she weighed more than the pretty girls

what was the reason for

a loving 13 year old girl

who poured her entire soul into someone

to get emotionally abused for over a year

because all she wanted was to be loved

but for so long I was fighting

and for so long I was tired of losing

against me.

it's like that saying

"you get what you get

and you don't throw a fit"

and I guess I had to learn

to accept my misfortunes

and my wrong turns

accepts my aches

tears

and bruises

and understand that this is my life

why fight if you could learn to love.