Christmas time

This time of year is always so bright and cheery, filled with lots of food, good friends, and happy memories. At least for most people. For me, it's different. Seeing so much food brings angst upon me, I worry about every little thing I'm going to eat and how it will affect me. Not only that, but with only half a family, there's always feeling that someone is missing, but it's ok cause I haven't known that other half too well. My dad decided he didn't want a family with us and that's fine, but I can't help but feel I'm missing out when my friends all talk about their holidays festivities. And though there are some good memories brought up I can't help but remember every single thing that's ever gone wrong in my life. The smiles on my family's faces make me smile but it isn't genuine I feel it's weight whenever I put it on. I have thoughts that they would just be much better off without me and that if I'm going to die, to get it over with. But I can't. Something is keeping me here. And it's awful. But it's only two weeks. Two weeks off from school, and then all these feelings will be back again next year...