to him

I doubt that he's reading this but in the chances that he might be. hi. hello. are you doing okay? how's your mom? your sister? I know you don't talk to your dad much... I'm sorry for that by the way. 

I just wanted to say thank you to the first boy who made me feel like a complete girl - butterflies in my stomach fool of a girl. to him I say thank you for the first time we met. where I thought your friends were cute and you were only interested in the trinkets on the table that separated us. 

thank you for letting me steal all of your shirts because apparently I have none I would rather be wearing. 

thank you for letting me teach you that summer nights in a desert still gets cold and you should always keep a sweater in the trunk of your car. Spongebob and polka dot throw blankets simply aren't enough for star gazing in a home away from home. 

thank you for teaching me I have nothing to be ashamed of. because each morning I woke up with a birds nest on my head and raccoon eyes and terrible morning breath I took comfort in knowing you are just as bad. but you still caressed my thigh at the exact place your hands needed to be. you pulled me to your side of the bed leaving exactly two thirds of the bed empty but that one third felt infinite. I want to thank you for being the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes on the most exciting Tuesday filled with color seminars and calculus. 

thanks for trusting me to drive your car when you know I can barely drive my own automatic let alone a manual. 

thanks for putting the same effort I gave back. because I've never truly felt what it was like to be equals with someone who cares as much as I do. 

thank you for giving me a chance. for letting me give you a chance.

I just wanted to thank you for the countless memories and endless goodbye kisses.  

thanks to you I can't think of 1:18 am the same. nor 2:26 am. because at 3:49 am everything changed. it wasn't until 4:18 am that I realized I'm still falling for you regardless of what happened while I lay alone in a hotel bed. but the real kicker is when it's 12:54 pm and 104 degrees out and the sun is shining and I have a clear head and I realized falling gave me bruises. 

so thank you. thank you for being the best mistake I've ever made.