“I’m just doing laundry Shells”

2013

The nausea subsides with the high

Too far gone to bring you home.

You cut your eyes towards

My blank stare

And you walk out the door

Your jaw set. Your eyes course

The voice of someone I don't know

Resonates through the closing door.

I'm numb to your rejection and

Humbled by your touch

Trapped somewhere between love

And self hate

And I know you're with him and I know

That you're scared

But I'm so confused about how I ended

Up here.

The back burner girl.

To a half assed punk and I'm bottomed out

I'm not myself. The fog so thick

I cannot find my way home

Paths are filled with briars

And tar and suddenly I'm

The rabbit that's stuck.

Why can't you leave me alone

And let me make my decisions

I don't need your heart.

Just need something

Someone to say its ok

I'm not sure

I'll not thinking clear

And you punch the door

Throw the dog inside

Leave me standing

Bare and tear drenched

I don't cry. Bitch you do now

I am nothing and I am no one

Everything special about me

Leaves with you.

And so I take the handful of

Antidepressants and prayer

To any God that cares

That I sleep

But I don't. I stay awake

Worrying about you

Your confusion and how hard

This must be to be someone

You aren't every single day