2010:love and spit

The doom lights on and I'm too drunk to drive

But 20 minutes ago we were breaking the lock to a bathroom stall

And you were bucking like a wild

Stallion

Fighting anyone that touched you

That wasnt me

Which made me smile and made me scared

It's my fucking car you say and proceed to spit in the floorboard.

But the innocence of your face

Tempers my emotions

And I watch

In awe of your face

Even drunk it bares the perfection

Of a roman precision.

You're eyes have always been too

Much to turn away

The sadness,  the tragic happiness

Thats always fleeting

I adjust the seat from 5'2

To the comfort of 5'6" and

I light a smoke

you're spitting and maybe its

The liqour, maybe its the Guiness

But I'm smiling as you

Continue your drunken dialogue

With yourself

But then you turn to me

In confusion and eyes clouded

With intoxication and shame

And Fear

Your voice is clear

It's strong.if only for a moment

As you sputter the words

I don't know. I don't of I'm a lesbian

I don't what. But...

There's a pause.

It's deafening and I brace myself

For the fall

We've been fucking for weeks and

It's you and me and shadows

Thoughts rushing.

I need a drink. The pause in your

Words stalled

Hours and minutes and seconds

Gone to the race of my pulse

But... you say I love you. I think I'm in love with you.

And I smile as you drunkenly spit in my direction

I'm nodding and awkward happy nod

And threatening you and your inevitable spitting tirade

But I make the 45 minute drive...

Happy. Happier than I have ever been

And so very very scared.

But you pass out on my shoulder

And I'm ignoring the phone call to your husband

inevitable that I'll leave you there

With him

On the single happiest night of

My life.