one day, i will stroll the streets of italy with your hand in mine. we will stop and admire every flower’s petals curving out to grace the world of its presence, laugh about the vastness of world, dance under lamposts and stars, and i can’t wait until you press my back against the cobblestone walls of a ruined church and kiss me like you’ve been meaning to your whole life.

dalliance

(n)

; A brief love affair.

you see, he's the type of addiction that rips your soul open. always craving for his open heart, the innocence. you are always burning and hurting without him knowing the damage he's inflicting everyday.

he smiles my way, never at me, but it leaves me aching all the same.

his soft heart cannot bear the darkness of this place.

i long to hear his lips forming the vowels of my name.

an augmented reality that leaves me aching for days.

what sort of infatuation leaves the soul wide open

the burn his smile leaves in every darkened moment

the feeling i experience staring out in the ocean

cannot ever compare to the words he'd spoken

the memories of summer remains to be the only thing he'd impart

of the constellations we promised on seems so far apart

he never picked up the splattered pieces of my heart

the pain i feel i can only call art

still he smiles and it never cease to leave me breathless

picturing the warmth in his eyes, i lie awake, restless

though the weight of his words feel like home

i am not surprised when i end up alone.

It's not love, but if he needs me to stay up all night with him, I will.

these nights I lie awake with the thought of him on my mind

the way he smiles, the way his warm, brown eyes would light up, how he looks when he has his guard down. his vulnerability is an endearing quality i found myself captivated by.

and i don't know why.

If he tells me to wait a hundred days for him, I will.

time doesn't exist when he laughs, all those melody pouring out from his lips is a song i wish i could capture down and paint in the colors of his eyes, so that i may never forget.

in an alternate universe, he and i are playing cards and we laugh and clumsily dance and fall (in love), but in this universe, i wait.

and i hope it isn't too late.

If he asks me to break the rules I made for myself, I will.

For him, I will, gladly.

life is all about taking risks and having your heartbroken a thousand times over but still waking up the next morning just so you could hear his laugh, his voice, his silence. to see him smile, and sleep, and weep, and exist beautifully and wonderfully without end. to hold his worries and doubt in the palm of your hands, to look up at him and see him smiling without pretend.

i will bring my walls to ruin just so he could see the way my heart is painted with his favorite color, see the way my hands would tremble at the thought of holding his, see himself the way i see him; full of warmth and kindness and hope and sunlight.

his smile is a poem i try and try to capture on paper and write

so i would always remember and never lose sight,

but i could never get it right.

but then, if it's not love, what is it?

i want to trace the outline of your jawline

to run my fingers through your hair

good god, give me something to hold onto

all i can ever do is stare

these words are all i can offer

this faith of mine is blind

i can only utter these words of prayer

praying to whatever god you'd be mine

this vodka burns my throat open

it feels a hell of a lot better than your stare

the vowels on your lips tastes so bitter,

it makes me realize you don't actually care

if this is what love feels like,

i want none of your blazing eyes at all

looking into those draws me deeper

but i'm left alone to endure this fall

#poetry

Dear X,

Three years later, seeing you smile still draws a feeling deep within the hollows of my ribcage. I thought I had gotten over you seeing as I've had been with someone else after you, but his eyes couldn't compare to the warmth in yours. I thought I had loved him with every atom of my being, but I always found myself comparing the both of you. From the softness of your lips, the curve of your jaw, the rough pads of your palms, all these drove me insane.

I miss you. I wish I could've stayed. I wish I didn't have to move miles away. Sometimes, I'd hear the melody of a guitar and I picture you, your fingers strumming, your lips stretching into a wide smile. I'd picture myself back to the time where you and I existed in the same moment where I sat there with shaking hands and a confession on the tip of my tongue as I watched you play the guitar. I wish we could've been more than best friends.

There were a lot of things I regretted. I wish I had the courage to tell you how I felt back then, how you made me see the stars, the constellations, the beauty of life when I felt like giving up. Your lips are the sweetest drug I never got to taste. I've seen the way you looked at me when I stumbled over my words, I wish you would have kissed me to shut me up.

How can I forgive myself for not telling you how I stumbled over my words whenever you're around? Do you ever stop loving someone who never knew how you felt? Do you ever learn to forgive yourself for not telling them?

I miss you. I hope you're doing well with her. Your laughter is still a melody I'd spend my whole life listening to, if I could. Your eyes are still my stars when I've lost hope. I have loved you from the very start, I hope you'll take good care of my heart. It will always be yours.

How ever selfish this may be, I hope you still feel the same way about me.

Sincerely Yours.