they sit nestled in their little case,

freezing cold.

I reach in and pluck one out from its cubicle

and with a "plink!"

it lands in a cup.

it instantly disintegrates, cooling my tea

so I can drink it without gaining third degree burns.

A purple flower is lying on the sidewalk.

How did it get there, I wonder?

Did a man pluck it from its earthy home, planning to hand it to his lover, but upon rejection cast it aside?

Or did a young child grab it to give it to her mother, only upon tripping and scraping her knee, the flower was forgotten as she was taken inside?

Or maybe its frail stem snapped, and the wind carried it from its field of residence to bask in the sun like a lizard on a rock?

Or maybe I'm thinking too hard about this.

Hi. My name is pro_scribbler. I am currently a freshman in college studying English and Theatre. I made my Prose account sometime in May of 2019, I believe. I'm not sure. I hope someday to make myself proud of the person I've become. I write sometimes, and sometimes I write on Prose. Life's been really busy for me lately, so I haven't really had time to try producing writing good enough to go public with it.

But hey, I'm still writing a little bit, and that's better than nothing. :)

Happiness is a warmth. It has varying intensities, but it is some type of warming sensation.

It's the color teal, a mix between blue and green, producing a calm yet bright color.

It tastes like chocolate, milk chocolate—dark chocolate is too bitter, milk chocolate is sweet and smooth when it swirls in your mouth or goes down your throat.

It feels like that one type of hug when the person hugging you just keeps holding you tighter and doesn't let go and you don't want to let go and you just feel safe and at peace for the first time in a while.

It's hearing a person's laugh, and you start laughing because they are laughing, and so you're both laughing and you won't stop laughing for some time.

It's just the little things that make you smile and get you through the day.

I am doing okay. Halfway through first college semester, and am already doing well in the theatre department: got cast in our first production as a lead, and am serving as the stage manager for a senior show. I am worried about money, but I am working hard to keep my grades up to maintain scholarships. Not getting enough sleep, but then again, who is?

But overall, I'm enjoying my life much more now than I was a year ago.

Hey guys.

So for those of you who remember my struggle with depression and suicide about this time last year?

You were right.

It did get better.

My mom and I had a mother-daughter sleepover at a hotel by ourselves in April, where I opened up to her about my problems, and she actually listened. It hurt, and I don’t think I’ve cried that hard in front of my mom since I was seven (and she cried a lot too), but I felt so much better after. And our relationship improved drastically after that. Not fixed, but improved enough where I don’t feel like I want to cut my family out of my life. So that’s good.

I graduated high school. I never thought I could do it, but there I was on May 21, 2021, walking down the aisle in a cap and gown to get my diploma. I also received an award for excellence in visual arts (theatre, graphic design, and traditional art), which was the plot twist of the year for me.

I performed in both mine and my school’s first-ever musical! It was The Wizard of Oz, and I was cast as the Scarecrow! A lead role! I sang as a tenor (I’m a girl) because I wanted to perform it as close to a guy as I could (did pretty well, according to everyone who saw me perform), extending my lowest note from a low E to a low D, royally surprising my school’s choir director.

I figured out what college I’m going to, and what I’m studying! I’ll be double-majoring in English and Theatre! Not only that, but I applied for and got accepted into the school’s Honors Program! And even better than that, I received a vocal and theatre scholarship that covers over a third of my tuition! And the theatre scholarship they gave me was the highest amount they give out!

My parents are both now very supportive of my study path. At first, my dad thought I should also study Education so I can be an English teacher as a backup, and I was planning on doing that, but then I learned I can’t do a triple major in the Honors Program at my school, and I didn’t want to drop the theatre major to a minor. So I hemmed and hawed, and I stressed about it cause I didn’t feel like I’d be a good English teacher. So then my mom came up to me in May and said, “Your dad and I have been talking and praying, and we think you should drop the Education major.” They saw how successful I’ve already been in theatre and writing contests, and they now believe that I will be able to more than make a living in theatre and authoring. I swear I was on an emotional high for a full week after that comment.

My parents are also trying to connect to my passions! My mom bought me pro-shot recordings of Cats, Les Mis, and Phantom of the Opera for Christmas, and watched all three of them with me. My dad sat through Cats! My mom watched Hamilton with me! She watched Wicked bootlegs with me at the hotel in April! And she wants to watch Newsies next! She’s even willing to watch Rent! :D

On August 21, I will be moving into my dorm. And I’m excited. Last year at this time, probably this exact day, I was dreading college, talking with my parents, everything. I wanted to die.

I thank God that He kept me alive.

I still struggle. Intrusive thoughts, nihilism, and apathy still like to vibe check me every couple of days, cause the world still feels like it’s spiraling out of control, but I’m working on relying more on God, making more of an effort to build my faith and make it my own, and asking Him to help me keep going.

I just want to say thank you again to you lot. I looked back on the posts you guys left in that challenge almost every day I was struggling, and they helped encourage me. I owe the position I’m in now to you guys. This website really is special.

Thanks <3

-profscribbler

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who left a post on my recent challenge and/or shot me a message. I really, truly appreciate you all taking the time to reach out and try to help me.

When I first found Prose, I thought it was just another writing website. But every time I read posts and see people engaging with each other in the comments, I can see how Prose is more than a simple writing website. It's a tight-knit community that cares about all of its members; it's a family.

When I made that challenge, I was really nervous because it was the first time talking to anyone about my problems. I did not expect so many people being willing to help me, to which, again, I am very grateful.

Speaking of the challenge, the general consensus was for me to talk to my parents, or at least someone I trust. So... I'm gonna try and talk to my mom about it. Today I asked her if she would like to go out for breakfast sometime so we could talk. She said that would be nice. So that's my plan for right now. Not exactly sure what I'm gonna say, but I have time to at least make a list of things I should bring up while I have her complete attention.

Thank you all so much for helping me and pushing me closer to a better, happier me. I owe you guys a lot. :)

Expectation is based on past experiences. You sense a pattern, and so you predict a result that corresponds with that pattern. To expect is to be practical.

Want is based on evolution. Wants are not needs; you can live without wants, yet wants will help you achieve new heights and become something more than you are now. To want is to desire growth.

Hope is based on things you cannot control. You hope for a bright future, for love, for your friend to make it home from work safely, even though there is nothing you can do to affect the outcome. To hope is to trust others.

Dreams are based in your mind. You see yourself accomplishing something, no matter how impossible, and your heart yearns for it, and you are willing to reach for it and make it possible. To dream is to be optimistic.

Beneath my confidence

is a self-conscious coward.

Underneath my empathy

is an apathetic narcissist.

Hiding in my optimism

is a nihilistic abyss.

Concealed within my comedy

is a horrific tragedy.

Who am I really?

I am a demon

posing as a human.