If you loved the body-- 

Or the person in the body--

You'd take the body

Out into the woods. 

That's where bodies come from. 

You'd honor the body

With a sunshine reception,

Or a rain cleanse,

Or a snow baptism,

Your fingers cold in your pockets. 

You'd gather the kindling,

Your hands colder still,

And you'd arrange it in a dry place. 

You'd remove a lighter from your backpack

And you'd slowly set to flame

The tiny home you built. 

You'd lean into the danger

The heat drying your tears,

Warming your fingers. 

Burn, burn, burn. 

Goodbye, the fire would whisper

In its deep voice.

Goodbye, the body would whisper,

In the language only you would understand.

Goodbye, you would whisper back.

This is the only way to say goodbye.

Burn, burn, burn. 

1. Speak in masculine pronouns only, especially to describe teams you've never worked with before, future hires, and prospective clients. Assume your female co-worker is an exception to the general rule that women are not engineers, mechanics, executives, salespeople, or people at all.

2. Narrow your eyes and tilt your head noncommittally anytime your female co-worker makes a recommendation. Then slightly modify and re-pose the recommendation in your own words. Wait for the rest of your team to agree with your terrific recommendation. 

3. After you've held a meeting to discuss an important issue with your female co-worker's peers, brief her with a "quick chat". If your female co-worker is accidentally excluded from an email chain, forward the emails along instead of replying all to add her. Call your female co-worker's manager, program manager, desk neighbor, or chiropractor when you have a question they might be better able to answer than your female co-worker herself about her own work.

3.14159 Assume your female co-worker memorized the abbreviated definition of pi for bar trivia and not because she happens to be a female engineer.

Walking into Jacob's office, Lily remembered that she'd been in it prior to it becoming his. She'd sat through performance reviews there with her former boss, Kayla. Kayla was blunt, a woman who'd spent 40 years battling for her place in the male-dominated world of engineering and wasn't threatened, flustered, or used by anybody anymore. Lily would prepare herself by reading and re-reading her running list of achievements for the quarter. She'd square her shoulders. She'd respond quickly to any accusations. And she'd leave with a sense of understanding of how she'd performed.

But this was different; this was her first meeting with Jacob. Jacob was an attractive, skinny redhead, with stylish black glasses and an abundance of hardcover books of equations, and presumably very smart to have climbed his way into the directorship at so young an age. Lily was nervous, but put at ease right away by his disarming smile as he welcomed her into his new office.

"What do you think of the digs?"

"Nice," she responded noncommittally, wondering where and why he'd paid for so many textbooks when a file server or a Google drive might have been more environmentally conscious. 

She sat.

Jacob began more formally:

"Lily, tell me about yourself. How long have you been here?"

"Seven," she responded, and then Lily told him about the various job changes, promotions, and experiences she'd had over her years with the company, and about her four years of experience in the industry after graduating from college. As she spoke, she became more comfortable, rolling her shoulders forward, her voice deepening. Jacob was a good listener. He asked the right questions, nodding all the time at her responses. 

"Very good. Very good. And what's next for you?"

Lily paused. "Well, I'd actually like to move into more of a program management role." 

"Really? And why would a highly technical woman like you want to do that?" He asked. 

Lily had thought through her response for this question during her commute that very morning: to better utilize my unique strengths in organizational planning and customer-interfacing, and to provide some technical experience to the company's mostly non-technical department as needed. And that's exactly what she said, as deliberately as she'd planned to. When she finished, Jacob looked at her with a half-smile, but he didn't respond. Instantly, her breath quickened. What was he thinking? 

"Give me an example of how you've used those 'strengths' in your current position," he said finally.

This seemed a reasonable request. Lily talked though her latest successful program, in which she'd helped the program manager to create a detailed schedule with dependancies using her technical knowledge to help him. She cited the customer for that program, who was famously difficult, but had then asked for Lily by name for his other programs. She was mindful to not disparage any of the existing program managers. 

Lily wasn't sure how many examples she was meant to provide, but before she began her second one, Jacob cut her off, removing his glasses as he did so.

"Sorry, Lily," he started. "That's very interesting, and I think I'll have to take a deeper dive into the events leading up to that situation before I can fully evaluate it. I will sit down with the program manager to walk through your role. Of course this isn't your fault, but it sounds to me as though some of the job duties here have gotten a bit confusing. And that's normal at a small company like yours! But we must be careful. I'm sure with your experience you understand that when we don't set boundaries, we can overstep, and that can cause lasting damage with our customer relationships." 

Lily's head was spinning, her dry mouth furious. Lasting damage? Lily had saved the program! Jacob wasn't even at her company when this transpired. While Lily tried to think of a professional response, Jacob continued.

"As for your ambitions to move into a job with more organizational duties, I think we can accommodate that, although we must consider our business areas of need. Right now, we have an abundance of program managers, as I'm sure you're aware. But please don't be disappointed! There are many creative ways we can ensure that you are utilizing your best strengths here at the office, Lily! And I will make sure we have a meeting at least once a week to discuss this!"

Lily was baffled. She agreed to the meetings with Jacob. 

"Any other thoughts, Lily?" 

"No," she said softly. "I don't think so. Thanks".

"You bet," he responded brightly, putting his glasses back on as she stood up to leave. "Would you close that door on your way out, please?"