ritual

i sat alone with my head in my hands, again. it had to have been the third time that week.

my twin-sized air mattress grew in size, and the walls inched inward, as if to close themselves in on me. they no longer echoed in song. i choked on my own breath and my heart became a broken record, or at the very least, i became more aware of its repetitive movements. cough, cough. up and around my eyes went, in a disorderly and anxious fashion. the rumbling voice on the phone fizzled out into radio silence.

that's all i felt i received, was radio silence.

a sip took itself from the seltzer in my hand. it stole me away as the night progressed.

the corners of my mouth turned themselves upward- a sunken smile crept its way onto my face. i giggled at the person inside my phone. my thoughts were like flies, and i diligently swatted them away. i remembered an instance, and i allowed my body to fall into the mattress...

of course i'd stop and say goodbye.

little glimmer in my eye,

i swear i'm not trying

but i hope it's fine.

i'll find out in time, right?

i won't end up like that

quite overbearing,

overwhelmingly kind

or something of the like,

that's not my mind.

question,

asking helpless

typical, restless

"sorry" for shortness:

thoughtful, sureness.

reassurance.

i thought it was strange.

i don't know, let me explain.

i said he was a bad friend,

i think i gave an explanation

it was good, was it not?

but he stayed. isn't it strange?

when she disrespected me,

and we, and everyone else,

and she wasn't a good friend

nor good person

i told you! believe me,

but it wasn't until your friend

said "she disrespected me"

that you decide to delete.

am i crazy? isn't it strange?

or good old E!

she was a good friend, wasn't she?

but not until she fought your

best friend, so to speak,

then off she goes

i see, it's strange.

it's strange to me.

i'm glad you make your sacrifices

for those who mean the most,

but it seems for now

i don't mean much.

what am i to do?

he didn't have to tell me what you said,

but he did.

i don't think i'll see you the same, but

you're welcome for the gift.

i wish it meant more than it did

but it's just a "little thing",

so who knows what it meant.

i don't do enough to keep you in, i guess.

self-sabotaging is everyone around me

i wish you'd deem it unhealthy

oh well, you're wealthy.

what well-wishes on facebook

do you want to sell me?

writing patterns

sought after chatter

quite flattered, thought.

though tattered thoughts

put matters fraught

between the latter caught.

in matters often

i slither after

my latter thought,

a sliver caught

between a fragment

soon becomes a reason fought.

awake, today.

piece in frame,

sustain, obtain

again, again

masterwork outside of brain.

mind's eye, and

hindsight, sights

tied beside-

rising tide.

resting place to sit aside.

turning signals;

burning bridges

earn respect,

but yearning yet.

i get it, you bet