I want to be as pretty as a daisy.

To be a flower in the weeds

With pretty white petals that make people crazy.

Oh to be in the ground

With the sun shining all-day down,

Feeling all hazy and less than a pound.

I want to be as beautiful as a butterfly,

Colorful and deadly,

Searching for only an easy lie.

When the moonlight comes out

I want to reflect a shine so bright

That makes everyone without a pout.

I want to make others full of light,

As I'm all alone in the dark,

Trapped in the deep of the night.

Once they get what they need

I’m left again in solitude,

Oh just waiting to finally bleed.

I often wonder why you hate me

There has to be a reason for all the regret

A reason why I'm so good at telling a lie

Because I'm scared of you being upset

You treat me like I'm paper

I used and abused

Written on til I'm all black

And blue, torn and bruised

Lying comes easy

They just slip right off my tongue

Tell my friends I'm fine

I've been doing it since I was young

I live in a house, not a home

You make sure I'm terrified

Of ever being alone

Of being the girl who only tried

I notice the little things

like how you don't ask me to text you when I get home anymore

like how you keep asking me questions about dating

like how you keep mentioning this girl

like how I can slowly see you drifting away

like how bad that hurts me when I don't have the right to feel that way

like how you were never mine

like how you never will be

My head was on your chest

Your arms were on my waist

I finally felt at rest

But I guess I wasn't your taste

Were you thinking of her

When we hugged

My mind felt like a blur

When you just shrugged

Why did you drag me along

If you knew who you'd choose

I actually thought we belonged

And then you called truce

Now I'm left in the debris

While you're all smiles

I feel like you can't see me

As our distance increases in miles

It takes about a month to break a habit

But its been 7

And I'm still around

It takes about 4 weeks to break a habit

But its been 28

And you're still on my mind

It takes about 30 days to break a habit

But it has been 196

And I still look for you in every room

It takes about 720 hours to break a habit

But its been 5040

And you still have all my trust

It takes about 2592000 seconds to break a habit

But its been 18144000

And I still love you

When I meet someone new

I add them to their respective list.

An ongoing wall full of names,

and they are just tiny blots of ink.

Organized alphabetically,

columns and rows of letters.

Some of which I know,

and some I only saw once.

The new come in,

the old go out.

There are only so many spots,

many are easily replaced.

But when I met you,

the pages were filled,

my ink pot empty,

no open space.

You seemed to take this as a challenge

and carved your name on the wall.

I thought it was a glitch,

that soon the mark you left would disappear.

But it stayed,

and that day I learned a lot.

Like just how much I love you,

and how love is not a finite resource.

You scare me,

but you scare me in a way that's like I can't look away.

You hurt me,

but you hurt me in a way that makes pain addicting.

You like me,

but you liked me in a way that made me think it was love.

You called me,

but you called me in a way that makes someone think the call will never end.

You hugged me,

but you hugged me in a way that made me think your arms would never leave.

You thought about me,

but you thought about me in a way only friends do.

I’d let you read the things I wrote about you,

but I’m afraid your view will change.

I'm afraid you might see a side you never noticed,

maybe start to think I’m strange.

I’d let you read my poems,

but I’m scared you might see a resemblance

in the way I talk about deep dark brown that feels like home

and your eyes that I used as templates.

I’d let you have my letters,

But I'm worried you’ll notice how much you hurt me.

When you read all the words I was too scared to say,

maybe you’ll realize why you're called “he”.

I’d let you have a piece of me,

but you’ve already taken twenty,

and maybe one day you’ll notice

how I’m falling apart from just that many.