Demon
“She doesn’t like you.”
“What do you mean she doesn’t like me? She just went on a date with me! And she said she wanted to meet again!”
“She doesn’t like you.”
Silence. His voice was confident, as ever. I searched for words to argue with him, but were there really any? She didn’t like me… Well… that didn’t seem right, though. On the contrary, she appeared to be quite into me. We laughed, we talked, we danced. She was still smiling when I watched her unlock the door and enter the house. But goddammit, his voice was always so sure of itself.
“You know I am right.”
I sighed and sat down in the darkest corner of the room. I didn’t feel like switching on the lights, so I just crouched against myself harder and tried not to mind the odd shapes and shadows around me. When I had left from her doorstep I felt strangely happy and at ease with myself – it had been the perfect night, or so I thought. But soon enough He came around and burst my bubble as he loves to do. Now I just felt tired, as if something extremely heavy was pressing against my entire body and I was just too weak to toss it off of me. Instead I just let it press harder, dammit.
There was a stabbing ache in my chest and as I closed my eyes I could practically feel every single thought twisting into my mind and bursting out like an endless wave of smouldering lava. I almost felt it against my body, it was so suffocating. I hated this. I hated myself for feeling like this. I could never manage to escape the thoughts, instead, I always ended up believing in them more and more. No matter how hard I tried to fight him, he always won.
“She probably just doesn’t know how to tell you to fuck off. She didn’t seem all that into you, either. Didn’t you notice her getting bored as you were talking? And of course she was smiling when she left, she couldn’t wait to get rid of you!”
“I hate you.” I screamed, as I felt more and more hopeless and sad. There was always so much sadness… and it was so tiresome.
“’Course you do, hon’. I’m not here to be liked.”
Why was he always following ME? It was just so tiresome… and depressing. Why was I always so insecure?