If I had to choose a super power that I could have, it would definitely be SUPER COPING SKILLS!

Sure, flying or having x-ray vision may be pretty cool. If I needed to get somewhere fast or look at something from far away, these might be great. However, the ability to cope in any situation would be pure magic!

Every human gets into situations where they feel they may not be able to cope. There are so many times in everybody’s life when they interact with something or someone in someplace, that they feel they just can’t deal with. These are the times that I would use my super power. I would confront the situation, ready for battle and I’d get through it unscathed.

If I had an IT problem because my device was acting up and I was frustrated? Super Coping Skills to the rescue…I’d stop, breathe, notice my feelings and respond calmly. Problem fixed! Or, if a person cut me off while I was driving and it upset me? Super coping skills to the rescue…Again, I’d stop, breathe, notice my feelings and respond calmly.

Pure mindful magic!

Many of the kid’s books I write are about coping skills through mindfulness. Based on my own experiences, those of my children and from the extensive research I’ve done on these topics, no one person can have too many skills in coping with their life. Usually, we hope to gain a lot of our abilities to cope during our childhood. From our parents, siblings, friends and teachers, we gather little tidbits on how to deal with most of life’s situations.

"Humans are born with instinctive coping IMPULSES, but we have to learn coping SKILLS."(1)

The basics of coping skills we obtain from observing those around us, trial and error, education and other forms of social conditioning. As we grow, we hope to develop even more skills, as our life becomes more complicated, busy and stressful. Eventually, towards the end of our life, we have it all figured out and have mastered the art of coping, right?

Who knows! What we do know is that a child, if taught a proper set of coping skills early on, can use the basis of these skills, throughout their life to manage just about anything!

Our ability to effectively cope with challenges and upsets requires learning and practicing these skills, so they can become everyday coping tools. Just learning about these principles is not enough. Coping skills become stronger the more we use them to overcome challenging experiences.(2)

So, essentially, our coping skills improve and become stronger if we use them everyday to overcome stressful situations. We all have stress in our every day and some of us deal with it more effectively than others. We all want to get through these situations no matter what though, so why wouldn’t we practice using our coping tools, so they’ll be sharp when we need them? More importantly, why wouldn’t we want every kid to have a chance at learning the necessary skills, so they can cope and continue to deal better and better in every situation they face too?

Coping is a necessary tool in our lives. If we are unable to cope, this causes problems with our brain and the healthy functioning of our entire body. More coping skills should be taught in schools, don’t you think? We only have one brain and I’m going to strengthen mine by focusing on learning more effective ways to cope in everyday situations. I don’t have to be a super hero, but this skill is far more valuable to me instead of wasting that space in my brain with irrelevant subjects like…algebra and geometry! Yuck!

Tracy Bryan is a self-published author for kids aged 2-11. She writes whimsical picture books about emotions, self-esteem, values and coping skills. Tracy also likes to tackle social issues and speak directly to her readers about important topics that affect everyone.

Tracy lives in Central Florida with her family and two dogs Jack and Rusty! Please visit Tracy's website tracybryan.com or email her at tracy@tracybryan.com

(1 & 2) Adapted from copingskills4kids.net

The past few weeks I’ve been focused on a spotlight topic I’m featuring on my website –addiction and children. I’ve done a lot of research on this topic and wrote four books about it for kids. What have I learned? Aside from the colossal amount of information about addiction, people still continue to abuse substances and get addictions, to the drug of their choice, as they search for comfort and a way to feel better. Better from what? Anything uncomfortable.

No judgment here! I am the first one to turn to the nearest source of relief from the day to day grind. Relief from pain, discomfort and emotional turmoil.

You know, life.

A day in the life of the average person can be pretty stressful and even depressing sometimes. Even if we look at the glass half full, some days can still be quite challenging.

We try not to burden kids with this stuff though. If we told them our adult woes, they wouldn’t want to grow up! Why would they want to inherit the anxiety, grief and pressure of their elders? We’re not fooling them though, by not telling them-they know. They have their own degree of these emotions too. We are all humans-they are just littler ones. In fact, kids these days seem to be even more aware to the stress of everyday life. Technologically, Socially and Economically.

Besides, they can see stress on our faces. They can see it in our behavior and they can feel it when we are around them, feeling our pain. So no, we can’t hide it from them, they know adulthood brings more stress and pain in life, and eventually they too will need to go through it. They know this!

What we can do, is prepare them. Give them tools they can use to confront the difficulties of adult life. They can start now and practice using these tools to be more aware of their challenges. To deal and overcome them, so they can focus on more productive pursuits towards happiness within and around themselves.

How do we give them the tools necessary to confront pain?

Educate them. Even if that means educating ourselves first to gain knowledge of proper coping skills.

Inspire and Show them. Be great examples to these kids so they can witness how to cope with the un-pleasurable surprises life throws at us.

Empower them. Make sure to reinforce how proud we are of them when they overcome their own obstacles.

Finally, Remind them how all pain, in whatever form, is worth it. It’s worth going through the pain to get the feeling of pleasure that soon follows after. It’s worth confronting pain head on, in a mindful way, deep within ourselves, because we know we can.

For the most part, remind them and ourselves daily that quick fixes and pain relievers, that are so readily available for our use, may be the easiest release from our pain, but not necessarily the best way.

The best way is found…well, that’s up to each of us to find within ourselves.

Tracy Bryan is a self-published author for kids aged 2-11. She writes whimsical picture books about emotions, self-esteem, values and coping skills. Tracy also likes to tackle social issues and speak directly to her readers about important topics that affect everyone. Tracy lives in Central Florida with her family and two dogs Jack and Rusty! Please visit Tracy's website tracybryan.com or email her at tracy@tracybryan.com

Where is the place that I can go to relax in my dreams?

Where I can feel protected yet inspired.

A place that grounds my body and brings peace to my mind…

My sanctum is a breathing space, a respite from my real world but a lifeline to my soul.

It nourishes my reality and provides safety for my fantasies…

My whimsical retreat is rooted to the earth while being connected to the skies.

A structure formed of natural provisions.

Sheathed in satiny purple to serve as protection against elements and predator…

My haven was created with love and has one rudimentary purpose- to bestow a place for me to just be.

There is a central area with a hearth; a primal light source that gives energy and warmth…

There is a place that I can go to relax in my dreams.

I can feel protected, inspired and nurtured in body and mind.

A place made by me, for me.

I can go there anytime I wish to and just be…me!

Lately there has been quite a bit of news and social media focused on gender diversity issues. I believe it’s because a lot of people in our society are changing the way that they look at this topic. Society is generally becoming more aware and accepting, at least in the larger cities, about issues that affect the LGBTQIA+ community. More specifically, with regards to gender roles…IT’S ABOUT TIME!

I say this with sassiness, because I have personally, in my 46 years of life, watched people in our society go from total shame talking about anything regarding this topic, to opening their minds and discussing that gender diversity actually exists. People are beginning to understand that the concept of only two binary gender labels (female and male) is a stereotypical view of gender in modern society, and that these identifications don’t necessarily apply to everyone. This progressive outlook is becoming more common with most people. We have come along way, but don’t stop yet-we still have mountains to move!

As a children’s author, I have written several books on or related to this topic and I admit, it is of great interest to me. I am an Ally of the LGBTQIA+ community, have many friends that are part of this family and I try to support their causes as frequently and as much as I can. I like to keep up to date on most social issues, especially ones that affect children. Currently, I continue to see far too many news items that pertain to hate and intolerance of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Like most writers, I am prompted to do research when I want to understand the specifics of a topic. The topic being- current trends in gender diversity and how our society perceives these changes. Well, I can admit that this is a challenging subject to physically ‘Google’. While researching, I was automatically confronted with articles about gender diversity, but they were heavily laden with politics and religion. These are two themes I try to avoid. I attempted to narrow my search down to gender diversity and children. Then I saw it…the perfect article! It was from Huffington Post, written by Brynn Tannehill, called: ‘Dispelling Myths, Misconceptions and Lies About Gender Nonconforming Children’.(1) Before you read on, I highly recommend you go and read this first. It’s not necessary in order to follow along here, but definitely worth the read!

What I noticed as I began to read the article were the words “Gender Noncomforming” in the title. I know I’ve heard these two words together, but they aren’t really typical when used to describe children. Instantly I looked this up too. According to genderdiversity.org, this also means Gender Variance, which refers to behaviors and interests that fit outside of what we consider ‘normal’ for a child or adult’s assigned biological sex.

This I knew! What I didn’t know was that some kids as young as 2 or 3 have already formed their Gender Identity. Here’s an excerpt from Tannehill’s article: “The consensus of the medical community is that sexual dimorphism of the brain occurs in utero as a result of exposure, or lack thereof, to androgens.” In other words, gender identity and expression are determined before a child is even born. It is only at 2 or 3 that they can express it. Cool!

Here’s a relatively quick review of Gender 101: Basically, every person has a certain SEX: this is our biological makeup that we are born with. No choice here, because our genes determine if we are going to be male, female or intersex (a person who is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.)(2) If our biological sex is determined by genes (which are chromosomes (XX for females; XY for males); hormones (estrogen/progesterone for females, testosterone for males); and internal and external genitalia (vulva, clitoris, vagina for assigned females, penis and testicles for assigned males) there are so many variations of all these biological factors to consider when defining someone’s gender. Binary labels don’t really exist here and therefore a person’s gender should be seen in more of a spectrum.(3)

What is GENDER then? The current definition by the American Psychological Association defines gender as: the attitudes, feelings and behaviors that society expects when being male or female. How we are seen by others, how we feel and behave as a boy or a girl. (4) This doesn’t seem broad enough though when considering the biological gender spectrum. Welcoming Schools (an organization that offers professional development tools, lessons aligned with the Common Core State Standards, and many additional resources for elementary schools about gender diversity) offers an alternative definition of gender: the socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for men and women. Gender varies between cultures and over time. There is broad variation in which individuals experience and express gender.(5)

As we grow and become more aware of who we are, and most important who we FEEL like, we start to develop a GENDER IDENTITY. This is the sense of “being” Male, Female, Agender, etc. For some people, gender identity matches their physical anatomy and this is referred to as being Cisgender. For someone who is Transgender, their gender identity may differ from physical anatomy or expected social rules. (6) So, according to the article by Huffington Post, this is already happening in some kids that are 2 and 3 years old. Interesting!

Some of the nonconforming gender identities are: AGENDER - a person that does not identify as a boy or a girl - they often prefer not to label their gender. Some actually view Agender as a label of its own, similar to Androgynes.

GENDERQUEER - a person that expresses themselves as both a girl and a boy. TRANSGENDER - a person that does not identify with the gender assigned to them at birth. If born female, they don’t feel female, their gender expression is male. Some transgender people also identify as Genderqueer (they do not identify with their birth gender assignment, they express and sometimes even augment their bodies to appear more like the opposite gender from their sex).

TRANSSEXUAL is a person whose biological sex at birth does not match their identity. (7) Some Transsexual people have or desire to have surgeries to change their sex. All transsexual people are transgender, but not all transgender people identify as transsexual. The terminology used to describe all these identities is vast and evolving. Gender nonconforming is a common term. Increasingly popular are also such phrases as gender independent, gender creative, gender expansive and gender diverse. (8)

Each of us expresses gender every day - by the way we style our hair, select our clothing, or even the way we stand. Our appearance, speech, behavior, movement, and other factors signal what we feel - and wish to be understood - as masculine or feminine, or as a boy or a girl or otherwise. This is called our GENDER EXPRESSION. (9) Someone who identifies as a particular gender may not look or act like that gender based on what society thinks is a normal way for that gender to look or be.

In essence, if a child is already born with their gender identity as well as their sex, and they can express it as young as two years old, it’s important to better understand these children by listening to their feelings about their gender, regardless if these may go against societal norms or not. Who wants to grow up with restrictions on what they should and shouldn’t look like, feel like, act like or be?

We need to be more sensitive to all children and adults with regards to what gender markers we label them with and be conscious of what they prefer to be identified as. There are certain terms and Preferred Personal Pronouns that are currently expected when referring to someone’s gender, gender identity and gender expression. In addition to the traditional pronouns (he/him, she/her, they), some people prefer to use gender-neutral pronouns, such as they/them, ne, ve, ze/zie and xe. If you don’t know a person’s preferred personal pronoun, it’s always best to ask what they feel comfortable with. (10)

So… is society generally becoming more aware and accepting of nonconforming gender roles? If so, is this because my parent’s generation and the generation before that simply ignored the conflicted feelings that children and adults may have been trying to express years ago? Or, is it just that current society has gained an ability to be more understanding of change primarily because of all the scientific research that has been done about gender. Finally, are people more compassionate and aware of others solely because people and their families are becoming more diverse? Is this in turn causing society to naturally respect the need to make changes in order to nurture itself?

It’s important to understand what our current social norms are and how we arrived here. The most important question we need to ask ourselves at this point, however, is what are we going to do as a society to change our attitudes even more, now that we are here? How many more people do we need to hear about in the news? Gender nonconforming children and adults that have been isolated, bullied or even killed when expressing themselves as WHO they rightfully and naturally are. The hate and intolerance has got to stop!

On Aug. 14, 2015, the number of transgender people murdered in America this year hit a historic high of 15, according to advocacy organizations like the National Center for Transgender Equality.(11) Transgender and Gender Nonconforming youth face challenges at home, at school, in foster care, and in juvenile justice systems. A national survey by GLSEN has found that 75% of transgender youth feel unsafe at school, and those who are able to persevere had significantly lower GPAs, were more likely to miss school out of concern for their safety, and were less likely to plan on continuing their education.(12)

The mountain that needs moving seems so heavy, but there are many good people in our society who are strong and will help those that can’t. I like to think that most people will naturally grab the hand of their fellow human if they are struggling or having difficulty fitting in. I think that society will continue to gain awareness about it’s people - all of them eventually. And…at least I can hope that most people will stop to take notice of WHY we are moving the mountain in the first place! We are all in this together…you, me, he, she, they/them, ne, ve, ze/zie and xe!

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Tracy Bryan is a self-published author for kids aged 2-11. She writes whimsical picture books about emotions, self-esteem, mindfulness and mental health. Tracy also likes to tackle social issues and speak directly to her readers about important topics that affect everyone. Please visit Tracy’s website tracybryan.com or email her at tracy@tracybryan.com

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A Special Thank You to Jonah Eric Mosher for being an invaluable resource and inspiration for this article!

To My Daughter: You are one of my main sources of inspiration behind all my work! Without your continual love, validation, and infinite wisdom about Sexual Diversity Studies, my passion would not be as meaningful!

Thank you to the following websites that were used as resources:

(1) huffingtonpost.com/brynn-tannehill/dispelling-myths-misconceptions-and-lies-about-gender-nonconforming-children

(2) isna.org

(3) genderspectrum.org

(4) apa.org

(5) welcomingschools.org

(6) kidshealth.org

(7) ucdenver.edu

(8) tolerance.org

(9) internationalspectrum.umich.edu

(10) welcomingschools.org

(11) time.com

(12) transequality.org

For more information regarding these issues and more about Gender Diversity, please visit any one of these websites.

Like most people, I can think of so many wonderful memories that I have shared with my family during our summers. We have done just about every activity that a family can do together! However, as a child, the family I grew up in seemed to be far less busy or complicated than my family now. My childhood family was pretty simple as far as what we did each summer- we went to the cottage.

My summer began by packing up the station wagon with supplies that my family would need for the month ahead of us. Food, luggage and sleeping bags would be loaded into the back trunk of our typical seventies-style family car. From floor to ceiling, leaving enough room for my brother, our cat, and me the car was jam-packed. With bikes on the roof and, we would head towards a little northern cottage-country town called Pigeon Lake.

Along the way, we always stopped for ice cream and after the last bite; we scrambled back into the car for our final trek of the journey to our summer home on the lake. I remember gazing out the car window and the towns seemed to get smaller and smaller as we passed each one. Almost there! I would chant this under my breath, too excited to have a nap before we arrived, but contented with my purring cat on my lap.

When we finally got to our destination, my brother and I would fling open the car doors and run to the tree house. We made this one summer out of old wood and birch bark. Nothing fancy, but to my brother and I, it was magical!

Next we’d run to the lake, right in front of the cottage. It beckoned us with its taunting waves that splashed against the dock. We knew we couldn’t swim yet, mom would be upset if we went in with our clothes on. So the two us would plunk down on the grass and shed our “city” garb. Who needs shoes! We would dangle our feet off the dock to feel the spray wash over each toe. Then, we’d go to the shore, pick up rocks and try to skip them across the lake, before we were off to the cottage to check out what had changed inside since last summer.

It was a modest cottage that had a main room with giant windows, which overlooked the lake. It smelled kind of musty, but in a comfortable way. It was almost like a mixture of all the good smells that had happened and stayed in the room year after year- tasty cooking, happy people and nature, together in one place.

A massive kitchen table was central to everything inside that little cottage. It served as the main eating area by day and the card table by night. There were enough chairs to accommodate hoards of people- just in case more happened to stop by.

We barbequed almost every night, I don’t think the oven worked very well. I remember most nights there was a crowd of people for our barbecues. One or more of the families that cottaged near us were always welcome and the door was always open.

One family in particular was named The Fishes. I always thought this was so appropriate for the name of cottage friends. We swam all day with the Fish kids, as we called them. We dragged ourselves out of the lake only to grab a bite and then head right back in.

On those barbecue nights with friends, we were allowed to have night swims before bed. When everyone left, we eventually made it to our beds shivering and exhausted, but anticipating the day that would follow.

Looking back, I do miss the feel of the lake on my skin and the wrinkle of my fingers when I’ve swam too long. I miss the sound of voices echoing over the lake, as the adults laugh and the kids run amuck. I miss that little cottage with the magical tree house that gave me so many wonderful summers of my childhood…

I have officially been on holidays this past two and a half weeks, but now I’m home safe and sound. So, I thought this would be a fantastic time to write a post about my travels. I have ventured through several cities, spanning two countries as part of my journey and now that that I’m snuggled back in my comfort zone, I feel like sharing…

It’s been difficult not to notice the dynamics of all the different groups of people that I’ve seen. Regardless of how random or public the interactions have been with all these diverse people, families and strangers- the children were consistently similar somehow.

I saw quite a few kids of different shapes, colors and backgrounds. I passed by kids with brown hair, blonde hair and no hair. I’ve glanced at kids with one parent, two parents, babysitters and nannies. I’ve witnessed kids smiling, laughing, crying and yelling. What I think is particularly interesting though, about all these different kids, is that they all seemed so very similar! They had that same cute miniature-people way about them that radiates innocence and enthusiasm. Even the yellers I’ve seen have yelled with zeal!

Universally, kids have this awesome ability to restore the feeling of hope and promise about everything in life. Just look at their cherub-y little faces and you can always manage to see a brightness or glow that tends to be hidden in adults. Kids everywhere hold a unique energy within themselves and only the few of us who notice it can feel this energy.

As I passed through the small towns in my travels, I saw many different types of children- some on holidays too and some local children who were just going about their daily life. If I happened to make eye contact with any of these kids, I could instantly feel an energy being transmitted from them to me. It starts as a little tickle in the belly and then spreads throughout the body. At this point, I would stop for a minutes to catch my breath and then just enjoy the happy energy that had passed through me. Better than any Starbucks drink, kid energy is consistently a rush to be enjoyed!

The only rule one must follow after attaining this little gift from children is to always, always, always pay it forward to someone else for them to enjoy-preferably to a child that has lost this feeling or could use a little happiness in their life!

Next time you casually pass by a child…notice the light they hold within, notice the excitement and happiness that radiates from their face. Most of all, notice how they are noticing you…smile at them-it will make their day! Happy Travels!