I'm the prettiest girl you'll never know;

My eyes shine bright, my smile's hollow.

I'm the fastest girl, my head keeps spinning;

If hearts are trophies, then baby, I'm winning.

I'm a real smart girl, I can play this game;

I'm playing for keeps, you'll remember my name.

I'm a dangerous girl, I'm giving you warning;

I exist in the moonlight, I'm gone in the morning.

I'm the bad girl your momma cautioned about;

I'm a daughter of Chaos, you'd better watch out.

I learned to fight dirty when I learned to keep score;

I'm not your bitch, baby, I'm not your whore.

I've got words like daggers, I can make a man bleed;

Just like I bled for true love's selfish need.

I'll sing to you sweetly, I will write you a song;

I'll curse your name, baby, don't do me wrong.

I'm a wild eyed girl, I lost myself in the night;

Will you find me at sunrise? By the dawn's early light...

I'm a playful girl, my long hair is flying;

I'm adrift in a sea of the tears I've been crying.

I'm a sensible girl, I know more than you think;

I'm a fun party girl, baby, pour me a drink.

I can make a man hot, boy, I'll make your toes curl;

I'll dance with your demons baby, see how I twirl....

I'm hiding my thoughts beneath blackest eyelashes,

My self worth's been crushed, it's been scattered like ashes.

I'd give up my power if I give you my trust;

A man loses power when he succumbs to lust.

I'm bleeding out, there are wounds that won't heal;

Fuck loving, fuck living, baby, fuck what you feel.

Dust off those dreams

It's time to go

Tomorrow is almost ten years ago

Wipe the fog from your guilty mirrors

You shouldn't look like that much shit

After all these years

Home from the hills

With feet of clay

If you don't want me

I'll be gone

When I say I love you , you better believe it

But if you don't feel the same way...

We're wasting time...

can't read your mind

all the good things

turned to eggshells and land mines

Hit it...

Or get hit with it.

vi.

he watched her in her deepest sleep;

for a moment he could swear he almost saw her breathe.

i. Before

1993: sitting at his step mother's house where she kissed him on the mouth and he almost touched her blouse.

ii.

1996: he kissed her neck and she cradled his head as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he laid her on her bed.

iii.

20 weeks: the house slept as her cancer repulsed and they sat together as her shoulders convulsed.

iv.

16 weeks: he remembered the dress she wore when her hair fell out in fistfuls to the floor and her mom said she was adorning; she burned that dress the next morning.

v.

8 weeks early: he clutched her hand and held her too close and she slipped away as her bones turned to shadows.

vi.

for a moment he could swear he almost saw her breathe.

i never wanted to become

attached to you,

so the moment i felt that

little seed of warmth in my chest,

i buried it under dirt

piles of doubt and resistance.

i left that little seed

alone under the soil, because

i knew growing the

plant that is love comes with

thorns.

but you -

you cared for that seed.

you watered it with laughter and

there was sunshine in your touch.

so, as a result, the plant

grew and grew;

sprouting and stretching

and budding and

blooming.

you clipped every thorn

you could, choosing to

bloody your fingers instead

of having me bloodying mine.

i never wanted that seed to sprout,

but you forced it to grow...

and i can't thank you enough.

because yes, the

plant that is love comes with

thorns,

but the flower is too beautiful

to live life without seeing.

i think that i find it the most frightening,

how easy it is for someone to to move on

and leave you in their dust,

forgetting your existence

even though you could have sworn that you would know them forever...

how it is then

that i am supposed to trust that

you won't desert me like so many have before?

no, sweetheart, it isn't you.

it's the ones that have come and gone already...

she sorts

her m&m's

by color,

eats them one at a time,

and skips church

just to kiss me.

when the time comes,

i let her

cry on my shoulder,

dig her nails

into my skin,

place her

bleeding heart

in my hands.

i understand.

i have forged footfalls for her

to follow.

she is too scared

to walk.

she dips

her chicken fingers

in ranch dressing,

after pouring just the right amount

onto her plate-

i pour too much,

but it's too late.

her laughter

tweaks my smile,

her sobs

wreck my heart.

i tell her

we are the result of

trial and error-

big bangs that didn't crash

the way they were supposed to.

but we've got enough light

to be stars,

i figure.

she kisses my nose

one

two

three times-

and it seems to me

that we

are the roots of something bigger.