Do dead dream too?

I see the posts that he... liked

Posts about future goals

Posts about next year being my year

Posts about the new sport bike thats coming

But he's not here anymore

All those things he wanted

He's not here to have them

Does he get them in the other side?

Will he be able to ride his new yamaha r9 there?

Will he be able to cruise around the streets while listening to softcore?

Will he be able to feel free again?

It left me wondering...

Do dead dream too?

Do they take their desires with them?

Or leave them for us to remember them by

Thoughts hit my head like drops of rain

Each of them unique

Each of them with visions

Visiosn of past

Visions of future

I smile at some of them

Cry at some others

I hear things around me better

I see people

How beautiful they are

How different they are

Some are smiling

Some are crying

If I wasn't broken now

Would I've been able to see them before too?

If I didn't go through all that

Would I've been able to understand them?

Do they understand me?

Does it matter?

I see now

What I couldn't see before

Rain washes me

Makes me new

For me to understand

Everything that I'm going through.

She said our meet up was unexpected

But words have meanings

"Unexpected" is not a word to use, when you were waiting to see me

"Unexpected" is not a word to use, when you call our friend ten times to make sure I'm with her

"Unexpected" is a word for If I would've been numb to your presence

But I can't say that

I won't

I expected to lose myself at the sight of you

I expected to never want to let go of your hug

I expected to keep breathing your smell

I expected to want to kiss you

To tell you how much I've missed you

I expected to never see you again

So I don't feel those feelings

But I lied

To myself

To my friends

To my expectations

I don't know what I want

I don't know why your looking for me

I don't know why you said no to me, when I told you I liked you

I don't fuckin know anything anymore

Only this

Unexpected was earth not shattering that day

Unexpected was weather being sunny that day

Unexpected was everything being normal that day

Everything but us

Everything but me.

I thought the storm went away

Rain drops are racing to hit the earth

The cold burns my face a little

It's colder than usual In october

I stand outside the store

Watching around me

Thinking of things I could've done better

Things I should've done at different stages of my life

" I really could use a cigarrete now."

Suddenly I see you

There you are

Wearing that white dress

Hair as black as the sky without the stars

But you do shine like them

I see you walk towards the store

Towards me

I try to act cool

Do I come inside the store to help you?

Or do I let my colleague do it?

You say hello and my whole world stops

You stay close to me

Waiting for me to enter the store as well

But I can't do that

Not without telling you how much I love you

Not without telling you that I've been counting days for you to come

So I can only see you

And not express my feelings to you

I can't come to the store

You enter

I only watch you from outside

I thought It went away

My love for you

I thought It went away

Me making bad decisions

I thought It went away

My sadness for a day.

He finally arrived at home

8 hours shift flew by because of the hardship of today

Every muscle in his body was sore

He didn't even get the time to eat his dinner there

He ate it cold

Cold rice, cold chicken

He layed down

He felt "heavy"

But the soreness and pain wasn't the cause of that

He closed his eyes

Tears ran down

" I'm tired."

Patience takes time

Healing hurts

Happiness turns to tears

Too much of everything seems to make it opposite of what it is

But looking for the perfect amount of anything leaves you with nothing as well

Like a chef who looks for the perfect recipe all his life

Only to find that mothers food can never be topped

A hateful man hates for so long

Only to find redemption in peace

A young soul looks everywhere for love

Only to find his answers in solitude

So don't look for the right way to feel

Or to live

Be here

Now.

It was 4:00 am

Quiet street was filled with mist

Giving a gloomy feeling

He was at the balcony, smoking

His face filled with emotions

Sorrows from the past

Frustration from present

And numbness from the future

He took a puff from his cigarette

The lonely mountain was visible from his home

One lamp gave a gray light to the street

He looked at the mountain

Vanished it with his cigarette's smoke

He remembered every word that was said to him

He remembered his regrets

He remembered today's date

It was his birthday

The mist was clearing

The lonely mountain more visible now

He looked at it emotionless

He wasn't here

He remebered everything

He remembered her.

"Well... did It work?"

The young man heard his voice close to him

He turned and saw the old man sitting next to him, drinking a cold glass of water

Young man was confused

" scuse me mister? "

Old man took a sip of his drink

" I said... did It work? "

" did what work? "

" that plan of yours."

Young man became defensive, not as defensive to pick up his revolver; but defensive enough to fix his posture for quick aim

" what are you talking about old man?! "

" You becoming lonewolf and all... leaving everyone you cared about. "

Young man was shocked

" h...how do you know this? "

Old man finished his drink and ordered another glass of water

" you feel closer to yourself now? "

" I... I don't know. Im not there yet. "

Old man smiled

" but you do miss It don't you? "

" miss what? "

" people caring about you. People knowing you."

Young man accepted that old man knew things about his life and so became more relaxed

" I never wanted to be in the center of attention. But for a long time my actions made me become that type of man. I was the villain in other people's eyes, be it friends or other folks... even family members... I thought things would become more clear If I take this road but... not yet. "

Old man left his drink half empty and got up.

He looked at the young man

" don't punish yourself oliver. What you seek doesn't come from others. It comes from your heart. Make peace with yourself first and then... you'll be at peace with others. "

Old man walked to the exit

" Im here whenever you wanna talk young feller. I haven't forgotten you. "

Oliver looked at old man speechless

He turned around and saw the bartender cleaning the table

"Do you know who that was partner? "

" Who? "

" the old man who just left."

Bartender looked at him confusingly

" there was no one in the bar except you mister."

"Im leaving"

I wanted to tell you before I go

To like someone Is one thing

But to love a person, you have to know the soul

I didn't get to know you very well

I can't say I love you

But I waited for you to come

Working hours passed by with hopes of seeing you again

You'd come from time to time

To buy food for your cat, treats and ...

I wish I said something to you then

I can't say I love you

But my heart would pump faster than ever whenever I saw you

My hands would shake when you were close to me

The only thing that could've calmed me was your smile

And they were always there

I guess I should've told you how beautiful they were

I can't say I love you

But am I delusional to think that you like me too?

Was I wrong to think whenever our eyes locked on eachother time froze?

Why did you keep looking at me when you exited the shop

And why did It feel like our eyes were screaming when I saw you there as well

I can't say I love you

But there was two things holding me back from not leaving

I had to get your number

I didn't want to lose you

I didn't want this encounter to be our last

" You can leave your number here... I'll inform you whenever we bring back that cat food brand."

I was shaking

" ok. "

You said that with a smile

I thought I would say it

" hey, our new shipment arrived yesterday."

That was all I said

I leave here

To the next destination

To the next chapter of my life

I hoped you could've be in it too

Maybe I have to find the courage to text you something

Or maybe time will bind us once again.

For now

I leave this place hoping

To leave a good impression for the costumers

And hopefully

Leave a part of my heart in your soul.

The sailor gets ready to voyage again

He packs everything

but feels like something is missing

Baits for fishing? There

Ropes? There

Provision for this voyage? There

"What am I missing?"

He hears her footsteps toward him

She smiles brighter than tonights stars

A universe hidden in her eyes

She came to buy the last fish he had

"It's on me."

"No please take the money."

" No, no... enjoy."

She leaves him

He sees her going farther

He wanted to tell her how he feels

He wanted to open himself to her

Maybe he never gets the chance to talk to her again

He dreamt of leaving this place

And now he can't leave

He comes back to this town

hoping that she comes to him

"What If she doesn't come?"

"What If she doesn't feel the way I do?"

"But I know there is a connection..."

He pushes the boat away from the dock

He realised what he was missing

He touched his bosom

His heart was still there

In the city.