Besides, no one could ever love her

The lovable parts of her drown years ago

And she buried her beauty beneath her thick skin

The hide of a slaughtered animal that wasn't cleaned thoroughly, the chunks of meat still hang rotting & attracting flies

That's where she resides

And her cello voice sings a sad song in another language

No one can console her because it is a language only she knows, like satanic pig Latin

And her repetitive moans of sorrow reverberate annoyingly

She sets all expectations low

Effecting self-fulfilling prophecies in all areas of life

She is overweight and flabby

She has arthritis and drinks too much

She gave up a healthy future years ago; she is trying to help Father Time accomplish his mission

And so she writes

Insatiably

Sporadically

In different voices

Totally unreliably

But sometimes entertaining

And always just out-of-touch with reality

And she misses him

She could never love you back

Today she woke up for the last time. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, wiped her face clean from streaks of running makeup from crying that night and stood there just starring. Kelly Marie Adams was this young girls name. She had just turned 18. She was a beautiful girl with dark brown hair and natural highlights of red streaking through in the sun light. She was the "perfect size" 5'6" and weighed 108lbs. She was the prettiest girl in school, with tons of friends and she was always on the high honor roll. She was an image of perfection in all their eyes, but if only they knew..

The final day of her life..

Kelly had just gotten home from school, her soccer practice was canceled. Her fathers car wasn't in the driveway but her mothers was, which was odd because they both worked until 5:30pm or so. She walked in her house didn't hear a sound she called for her mom, but no one answered, she heard footsteps upstairs. So she went to her parents room and saw what was going on.. She quickly closed the door and ran into her room crying. "How could my mother have done this to us," she wondered. Later that evening her father came home, he and his wife sat down for dinner but Kelly was not at the table with them. Instead she told them "I'm not hungry" which was a typical thing for Kelly to say. So nothing seemed different. But that night was very different for Kelly. She sat in her room next to her bed clenching something in her hand. She opened her fist and took that beautiful new blade out and cried and cried. Biting on her lip she began to paint thick bloody lines across her delicate skin like she had many times before. But this time they were deeper, deeper than any of her past cuts. She found comfort in this strange feeling. It somehow made her forget everything bad in her life for a few minutes. But when the pain was no longer there the bad things crept back into her head. Last summer, when she lost her virginity at a party because she had too much to drink. Last fall when her best friend moved away and never spoke to her again. Last winter when her ex boyfriend of 3 years was killed in a car accident days after they had broken up. And through all this, her parents marriage was failing and the family was falling apart. But she never thought her mom could ever have an affair. It was all so much to take in. For that entire year she had changed..she lost a lot of weight and began harming herself in different ways. She could cope with everything..until now. She was done trying. She was done faking her smile everyday. She was done with everything, she had no one who cared anyways, her best friend wouldn't talk to her, her ex that she had almost gotten back together with was now dead, and her parents were too wrapped up in their own little worlds they barely noticed her anymore. So that night she made a plan. A plan to end it all. She wrote a short note and placed it on her dresser. She entered her bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet and took just about everything to numb her. Then she started slicing her skin again but this time her wrists. She lied in her bathtub and waited for death to come and take her away from this awful place. Blood flowing out of her so fast, so much blood. That night at 11:37pm she was gone.. gone forever.

Thinking of all the fights..

Never pitch black, always needing lights

Thinking of him, that frightening man.

Needing to move away.. So I ran.

Thinking of the tragic past..

The nightmares always seem to last.

Staring at the ceiling wondering why..

Why is it me who needs to cry?

Looking around my room..

Looking for where the monsters loom.

Crying for all reasons..

Never changing, no matter the season

Wondering how I became such a mess..

All I can do is sit and guess.

Tossing and turning in my bed.

Pounding and screaming in my head.

Painful memories all around.

Peace and happiness may never be found.

Monsters and killers in my mind,

Wishing the past I could leave behind,

I close my eyes and pray..

Pray that I'll make it through another day

Dreaming..Dreaming finally not of the past

But dreams turn to nightmares; dreams never do last

Fighting my body to go to sleep

But I'm thinking and I'm in too deep.

Trying to sleep but crying inside

In my head the monsters reside

Let me sleep let me be

Please I beg, let me be free..