I am loosing my mind. I am starting to think I never had one,but now I need one. I feel so lost . Caught in a web of dark truth and hidden lies. My hole life I have faked it . Now I don't think I'll make it.

Each day I grow closer to the thoughts. The ones I once believed to be selfish, but I am finding comfort in the dark pain. The scars show my weakened heart. My soul has lost it love,and now I hide inside the thoughts.

The world so cold and scary . Why would I think it would vary . The laughter and smiles. All lies . Each day a new file. I am buried in a thousand pieces of paper .

They all say I am crazy . I know my life . Has left me hang tight. Looking down I let go. With my last breathe I watched papers fall . No longer living but still seem to walk. Wake no emotion but pain and hate.

Walking this dark long hall. The onset of a cold numbness overcomes me.

Then you hear the loud sirens and people screaming . The thought of what did you do comes over your head. As you open your eyes your in a hospital .

With arms restrained and you wonder if this ever happened and who you were. Screaming is radiating in your ears them you notice it you . Realizing that dark thought dream you just came from. Is one of the happiest moment remember.

Lying on the hard cod your body in complete hell . Pain from head to tow .

The last thing you remember is the shot the creepy nurse gave you. Now it is all Blake empty no pain or anger just dark emptiness . It was almost a bliss!

Written by :khristiana marie

Hi my name is kay Lynn Bear. Yes I know my name is not the best, unfortunately neither is my life . If you don't like long , heartbreaking , soul stirring stories you night want to leave now.

I was born June 11 1997. It was a Sunny day with a light salty brae's the lower bay. My now mom Carly was there . Well so was my bio mom, but she had and probably still has drug issues . That is the main reason I never really had a relation ship with her, I wasn't her first kid I was the 5th and she lost custody of all of us. I was and am the only girl. Penny ever had. Oh penny is my bio mothers name. I was lucky Enough to be adopted in to my own family . Carly is biologically my second have cousin , and she all so adopted two of my four brothers. Daniel and Wayne.

I grew up with these two crazy boys along with my sister jewel who is a year and half older than I . I know this doesn't seem to be so heart breaking yet ,but just wait. Everything seemed really good or at least normal . Are family a little happy family with 7 kids and Carly and Allen . My mom and her now ex. I edomite that sometimes I miss the old days. Everything was so perfect I never really felt hurt or lost or scared until around seven. I noticed Allen started acting different . Spending a lot my time in the storage room. That he had set up as a darts and smoking room. By the age nine mom and Allen started fighting all the time.

I can remember and completely feel the heart break of my perfect lil family falling apart as the screamed and cursed and broke things . Night after night it went on . Finally I was told the most dreaded thought I had was coming true. They are getting divorced. This broke my heart . From that point my hole perspective on my life my family and the world around me changed . Now at the age 17 I am here telling parts of my story . Unsure of anything. I don't know what to trust or believe I have come to realize we don't have or own personalities we. Have the ones the world has given us. We all fake it to try and make it half the time if not more. .