I gave you my comfort,

I made your nights land soft,

And now, how you’ve betrayed me,

Denied me and replaced me.

You were bound to leave me

when you heard her call.

You will curse the day your eyes do see

All you could have found in me.

Now you'll be the one responsible

of watching the sun go down.

Now you'll be the one to stand

in the darkness and drown.

I'm done being alone with the night.

Go talk to the moon,

I'll be standing face up in the morning light.

The hours don't add up.

I don't expect too much,

but I hate easily enough,

and I hate that I miss you sometimes, and such.

There's something about the way

you're running me over and over,

there's something in the way

you used to kiss me over and over.

You have me in your clutch

and my dress on the floor, and such,

and my head and my heart and my skin,

and a way of letting me back in.

You've been messing me around up until now,

and the hours don't add up,

you've put your words in my mouth up until now,

and the hours don't add up,

and I let you turn me around up until now.

There's something about the way

you're touching me over and over,

something about the times

you used to fuck me over and over,

and the hours don't add up.

I told you I was drowning

and you started talking about currents.

I told you I wanted to jump off a bridge

and you began explaining gravity to me.

I told you I missed you

and you didn't say a fucking thing.

I just came back to let you know

all the things I couldn’t say over the phone;

we won’t let you go

this time.

I am not only me; we are two.

I have teeth and claws, ready to devour you. I am scared and hiding, afraid to face you.

Can you feel how much I miss you?

Can you hear my bones breaking,

the snap of my spine when I text you,

and the crack in my collarbones

every time you don’t respond?

I’m running around in a bruised body,

searching the city for your shadow,

but whenever I see it,

my limping legs can’t follow fast enough.

I write on your mattress

all the words I wanted to tell you

when you were asleep

and I wasn't.

I'm well aware

that I write too many poems about you,

but there is nothing else

on my mind.

In my head it was more apocalyptic,

more like the seas running dry

and the trees bursting into flame.

But all it took was a conversation

running out of words.

All it boiled down to

was you walking your way

and me watching you

before walking my way, too.

Fuck you for tearing me out of the solitude

I had come to love so much.

Fuck you for making being alone

feel like loneliness again.

You don't know how long it took me

to only need myself,

or how hard it was to get indifferent

about other people.

I learned independence like other people

learn quantum physics,

and I came to enjoy my own company

like addicts enjoy heroin.

Fuck you for getting me hooked up

on closeness and sex.

Fuck you for creating a need in me

that didn't exist to begin with.