My muse is so a-musing.

She’s clever & she shouts.

Keeping me in stitches —

dancing all-about.

What do I do when I write

if she’s not around?

I dig a ditch 6-feet deep

& jump into the ground.

Copyright 2020

VIDEO VERSION:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ7G_2lKj-w

I watch these talking apes running all over.

Every step has become a burden to their destination.

It’s sad because when they get there,

All they will feel is emptiness.

And maybe if they’re lucky

They will realize that the point was every step

It had nothing to do with the last one

Because when you take that last step,

Then what?

I love the moments when the tone of your voice transforms your words into a ribbon of silk, that glides through the phone line; drifting ever so delicately into my ear, before lovingly wrapping itself around my heart.

In moments like this words lose their meaning and can no longer be defined. They are dissipated into the atmosphere, leaving only the sound of your love behind.

#love #yourvoice #tone

"You are hurt...and I don't want to hurt anymore." My reflection repeats my words backwards.

I want to fight but I'm tired.

I want to be someone to look up to.

I want the experiences.

I want the success and money that comes with it.

I want to be sitting pretty when I die but I don't know if I have the strength to make it that far.

I want to be a good friend and daughter but most of the time my doubt shadows my success to the point that it feels so far away I can't breathe.

I want to love and be loved in return for who I am not who people think I am.

I'm not even sure what the difference is between the two and I don't know if I can keep my head above the waves long enough to find out.

I'm running from me and I trip up everytime.

Just when I think I've got a handle on things she catches up and squeezes my energy out of me.

She is my failure, my mistakes, and my love.

I want this to be the moment I turn around and accept all of it as a part of what makes me me.

What makes me good at whatever I'm good at

but I'm afraid I'll sink under her weight.

I'm running from the time that goes by quicker than I can move.

I run from my stress and I haven't stopped in a while

Maybe that's why I'm so exhausted when I wake up.

I want to be great at what I do.

I want to help people.

I want to help myself.

I want to wake up.

I want me.

I want she to be me in my truest sense, both in one.

I want me.

I want to not want to fail because success means eventually I fall down.

I am nothing without me.

I need to slow down and breathe.

I need to close down the spaces in myself.

I need to be whole.

I need me.

I glide out, causing hiccups to your stars . but I always come back

I'm where I'm supposed to be

Home notion, against your side

.

.

I’m walking on scars . on your faded moonlights

it’s tugging, it’s pulling

yet, I don’t stop . just small curious steps

cautious, but moving forward

drawn to the things that color your atoms

I chose not what to look for

if I see dark matter

that once pulled you in ( deep shadows of pain and doubt lingered )

I don’t stop, my feet are not fractured by the glass on the cold ground

a sign of something

that was once so fragile and loved

that burned the suns in your eyes . that ripped your insides

when beating flesh turns into unanimated shards

( mirrored cracked just from one tap )

you were there

inhaling the dust

recklessly it might seem, I don’t stop

I rest under a tree in your lost woods

only human

need time to recalculate my state

get up - spirit calls , venture through

so, I walk

and in the night I stumble until the light grabs me

grabs me whole

after faded moonlights . came a sun hidden within the universe

that universe was you

catching once again on fire of hope

reflecting in the comets

made of breath constructed from my lungs

last night I was caught into your gravity

falling into those skies

they pulled at me

I couldn’t stop

didn’t want to, if I can be so honest

my light ventured into the darkness before me

never realizing

that I would stop the night

remembering sun rays that were once lost

had the earth shifted , so much that I stumbled into this path?

not a lot, love, just an inch, that’s enough

last night I was caught into your gravity

falling into your skies

and now I stay

walking on scars . on your faded moonlights

both feeling your pain . and melting within your joy

( that simple )

.

I probably will never understand this soul connection between us…

How you strum my soul with your fingertips creating a soft melody that vibrates my bones and settle in my heart.

I probably will never understand this.

How when you echo my name, my eyes soften for a moment and the storm behind them soothes over chocolate seas.

I probably will never understand this.

...and I’m okay with that.