A swirling lake of darkness

Trapped inside my bones.

Dissect me and purge me,

Make it so that I can smile...

A blindfold slipped over my eyes

I don't want to look anymore.

Go ahead and take a blade to my wrists

Bleed out all the poison in me...

If I jump off of a cliff, do you think

That I might fly away for moment? 

Hang me up in pretty iron

Make it tight 'til my wrists bleed.

Pain is beauty, hurt me more,

The blood and tears are beautiful.

Tie a ribbon 'round my neck,

Hang me up so I suffocate.

Hold me down under the weight

Of a thousand fathoms 'til I drown...

I'd like to touch a star and see

My ashes absorbed into the light...

I'm drowning in these tears, so please

Let me sink into the sky...

Until I die...

This is how I hope to remember you. The sun rising in your eyes. Blood draining down the sink. Our mess moving in reverse, until there’s no need for the dustpan. Everything is in full saturation. My lungs are not filled with smoke, and your hands aren’t shaking. The cherries have been pitted correctly and the taste of cinnamon is not one that burns. I spit out the mouthfuls of rain. Back to before the fires, before the drowning. We are whole and larger than life again. There’s no need for apologies or tripping over our words when we rush out the door. I am not drowning spiders as an act of remorse. The blue girl is never born which means your hands are clean. The pills fall back into the bottle, the alcohol sweats through the glass. We are not only searching for each other in the dark. I never have to send out a search party for my heart, because I hear the marching band of it safely in my chest. We can both rest easy tonight knowing where the other sleeps.