I fell in love with a girl on the subway that day, granted you fall in love so many times in life. I never knew that day she was going to be the biggest change I ever had. It was all so sudden. A great big ball tumbling down the hill of fuck you. At first it was great we were good friends I never told her how I was falling more and more in love everyday that is until I was now sitting in a hospital because finding your lover on the floor coughing up blood trying to breathe is not something I wish to see or ever thought I would see in my lifetime. She had always just been there even through the ugly, even when I was screaming over the phone about how much I hate this hell hole of a house with my abuser, my dad. She claimed I now got to see the ugly of her but I still thought she was beautiful. It only got worse from there. She told me if there is a God out there she wants him to beg for her forgivness of all those who suffered. I told her not to talk like that because it sounded to me like she was on closer to passing, I didn’t believe in God but she was my angel. I sat there holding her hand as I cried while Fast Car by Tracy Chapman played in the background. I sung it quietly it was her favorite song even with music in the background the silence was loud. Days passed and I knew she could stay no longer that night she woke me up to say her last goodbyes it was her time to go I begged her not to go I told her I had fell in love with her the first time we met on the subway. She said “well then fall in love with me again in the next life.” That was the last I ever heard from her there was no music no noise except the beeping of the machines that kept her alive. I drove around anywhere and nowhere that day playing Fast Car I think... It’s my favorite song too.

@kjbaum