i stand, at the ready

my heart is heavy

i cannot even...

think straight

head to the skies

there's tears in Your eyes

and I cannot resist...

looking away

i stand; You sob

i am appalled

how can i be this...

this numb

i used you, i know

and so i will go

i'll do what you need...

so i'll leave

"NO!"

no, You cry quickly

why does this hit me

it feels like such a...

mistake

i cheated, i lied

and still you reply

all i do and still i'm your...

universe?

"i'm still human" i say

but you don't go away

you come closer and closer...

i run

it doesn't feel right

to be such a light

if You think i'm the sun...

Your eyes are broken

So I might have gone mad

Oh well

So I might have disappeared

well swell

So my life may be tragic

Oh tell

So my life might be sad

I think I've gone mad

no longer can tell

on whether the wether is weathering well

I may have gone mad

my voice has a tune

so I'm singing all of my thoughts all alone

I may have gone mad

I may have gone mad

Don't allow people to call you sane or

normal

don't allow people to say that your songs

bland

don't write something and never ever share

it

Because otherwise you're not that wise I must surmise

it's true

I am

going apart

it's a start

of my new age

Maybe I'm old

maybe I'm young

it's just a stage

of life

I'm sorry

but I'm

going to submit

when I'm done

It's a little weird

and so am I

do not misunderstand

the meanings at hand

the music was aband-

-ed

do not misunderstand

the love that i give

the hate that i show

thats

not

as real

as you think

do not misunderstand

this has no direction

it has information

do not misunderstand

what people may follow

they fall in the hollow

of

your

words.

the ice cream man

with his ice cream truck

better not go in

else you might get stuck

in the creams and the screams

and your lost dreams

the ice cream man

takes it all, it seems

the ice cream man

with his big broad grin

the ice cream's red

cause there's blood within

and the nuts might be bones

but can you tell

the ice cream man

will only sell

the ice cream man

cannot be denied

as one of the reasons

that children die

and when his truck comes

do not run outside

the ice cream man

is out of his mind

A bullet to my head

though it would never work

tell humans I'm a demon

though what would that do?

Or maybe change my face

so I'm not attractive

fake my death!

wait that's something no one would believe

read all the divorce papers

that you could disappear

the family will all scoff at me

and my "humanity"

maybe I will eat you

like Zeus! from long ago

but that would never do

for you can't turn that small

I could destroy my brain

with all of this thinking

oh all the things i'd do

just for me to leave

the first time

she was young

and for a moment

we talked

about nothing

but flowers

two years more

she told me

her name's jean

and that she

hated outfits

with the color yellow

I lost track

until she

popped up

and said that

she was tired

of seeing me

another time

she said that

she would make

sure she would

not see me

until the end

a year after

her distraught

I told her

we can't stop

and that she

keeps dying

her second time

before her last

she told me

"Death I know

It's a curse

I will end"

Her last time

way too young

she did

I talk to street lamps

I talk to stop lights

I sometimes talk to signs

I talk to my dog

I talk to the walls

I sometimes talk to my floor

I talk to plants

I talk to the sky

I even talk to me

I talk to words

I talk to papers

I try to talk through them

I talk a lot

but never much

to people.

"How are you?"

Not hard to say.

Not hard to lie to.

When Joanne demanded it I lied.

When my mother wheezed it I lied.

When my friend asked I lied.

"I'm fine."

I'm not fine.

But they believe.

I lead them in.

I feed them lies.

They feel better.

And I ask them:

"How are you?"

And they lie.

“I’ve fallen in love. And it wasn’t with you. I’m sorry”

It’s been a week, but your hands still shake at the memory. At least, you think it’s been a week. It’s not like anyone comes by. You’re a single girl who lost her family years ago. You have no friends.

But eventually, you do go outside, and you see the garish world around you. And you want to go back. To your room, not society.

But you have no job. You lost it when you were crying and didn’t go outside. You are going to die. You have nothing left.

So maybe that’s why the proposal was only accepted by you. Maybe that’s why, while everyone balked, you were happy to do something. Anything. Even if that meant inhaling dangerous fumes and never falling in love. Even if it was being the first Oracle of Delphi.

I mean, it’s not like you knew it would make you remember your future lives. And have the power to know the future in each of them. Or even- well you know what I mean.

But you know what?

I know why you really decided to be the Oracle. It was to forget him. But he's still imprinted, no matter who else you fall in love with. No matter how sweet, abusive, fascinating...

What? I'm wrong?

Well, I’m only the Narrator. You’re the Oracle. And you always will be.

They can't look in, I can't have friends, they must never know of my life. I will always be alone, always be watching out the window, always hiding from the Ren that search. The curtains are closed, the baby blue gates always blocking the view of beautiful gray buildings. I haven't been outside since I was a child, since I was 6. I still remember the sky, a blue masterpiece with sections erased by white clouds.

Now I only see the sky in my books. The cage of my existence haunts me, closing in, breaking my soul, my heart. Crushing who I am, who I was. I know I have to be patient. But- WHY is it this way? WHY can I not break free, WHY did they do this WHY- Do I hear footprints? NO. They aren't Carl's. NO. It's not time to eat anyway. NO. It isn't the testers. NO. They took my blood yesterday. NO. It's the Ren. NO.

I run to the door, the blue door, blue like the wallpaper. It's hidden. I go through, I'm in the dark, I breathe. I hate the dark, but I hate the Ren more. Mom says they are evil monsters who kill good children. That's why I'm hidden, hidden away. I have to stay hidden. Carl says that they feed on the blood of children and that they hate the color blue. They wear red all the time. They have scary powers, like shapeshifting, and they hate all children who are like me, who are hurt and need to get tested every month. I'm silent, and I hear them look through my stuff as I cry. They say things in a completely foreign language, they are loud, they are evil. I hear them open the door but they can't take me, take me away from Mom or Carl, or the doctors. They can't! I can't go! I'm all alone.

Mom said, Carl said so I know it's true.

If you are taken by the Ren, you will never be found again.