Solitude
I've been warned not to be alone
I don't understand why
It's been explained that it makes one sad
Makes a heart ache and the mind crazy
But how can being with myself do that
The quietness radiating from within
Familiar voices whispering in my head
Awareness of thought and breathe
Infinite possibilities of action
With self.
Alone seems lonely but
Alone means spending time with soul
In the end I am all I have
I came into this world alone I die alone
With acceptance of this truth
I reflect and bask in the happiness of coming to know my being
That which occupies my earthly vessel
So dear friend I say this with kindness
Be alone.
Your soul will be in eternal gratitude Discovering a worthy being
Alive enough to be called friend
Is staring at you in the mirror
To David
I know I hurt you when I chose to leave
You did not understand why
We were lovers, best friends and partners
Yet I chose to walk alone
I craved freedom and space to grow
To let my roots roam around the earth
Without feeling knotted and tied to a particular place, time or person
With you I felt that is what would have
You wanted to love me entirely
You consume my thoughts and body in all the way possible
I felt drowned in the whimsical sea of love
I should have been happy
But I knew I was not ready to swim it's depths with you
I did not have that sea within myself
I'm on my path now and I see that sea clearer than ever
I still long for you and wish more than anything to come to you
But I know that I am just paddling the surface
I have to dive deeper still within
And it must be done alone
I must learn to love myself
Before I know how to truly love you.
I'm sorry I was selfish
But it's what I needed to grow.
I miss you most of the time
Not all the time
I have forced myself
To cope with your absence in my life
Your number is carved into my brain
Ten digits that can never be forgotten
I want to call you
Pride gets in the way
Fear of rejection too
What if you don't love me like you used to?
Did I hurt you so much that I left you scared?
Calling you opens a new path for us
We cannot stay from claiming our souls as twin flames
And yet I pray when I do it's not too late.
Finding those ten digits now belong to someone else or worse no longer exists.
But if you are mine and I am yours
Time and lost words will always bring us back.
And if I am not yours and you are not mine
Maybe it's better I never called
But at least I hope you know
I will always love you
And I thank you for loving me so.
It was a mistake...
Do you know what it is
To be forced to do
something you love
So often it hurts
The thing you once loved
becomes your greatest pain
That's what I felt when I did what I did
Clouded by despair I saw no way out sacrificing soul through body all for
Fake smiles
Untrue passion
Meaningless wealth
Jaded and scarred I resurface
Unrecognizable to myself
My soul no longer knows me
I've betrayed my worth
Sacrificed for something so unworthy
I wish someone stopped me before
I hurt myself so.
Lesson learned
The world will let you suffer through grinned teeth
Than fight by your side through tears.
I know better now
Maybe I had to do what I did
Still it was a meaningless sacrifice.
Notes to x
I never want to be perfect
I want to be effective
In action and in love
I want to inspire above all
The idea that you are your greatest love story
Women, this is important
Love your self before any man
Spend time with your purpose before any one
Be selfish with all that is you.
No is a complete and valid answer, always.
Know yourself - your faults and blessings
Then look at yourself in awe of your humanity
You are the dream of your ancestors
With your great grand mothers blood running through you
You are whole just the way you are
More than enough and then some
We can be so cruel and harsh with each other
Words can cut sharper than a double edged sword
Life and death lies in the power of the tongue
Cycles of generational miscommunication
Cycles of pretence to please those bestowed with power over us
Cycles of suppressing our true self
Choosing to stay caterpillars when we are destined to bloom
What holds us back from being butterflies?
Fear which speaks on a larger problem
We do not know love, many of us will not truly know it in this lifetime
There is no fear in love
There is no cruelty in love
There is no possession or control over the other in love
In choosing to practise love, we speak life, we seek light, we heal our spirits together
There is no force greater than this
yet we are so easily consumed with
anger, power, lust, violence.
As a family we are divided and broken.
We let the past interfere with our present, casting a shadow to our future.
Ego blinds us to seeing the cumulative change and personal growth we make daily striving to become better.
We choose to live in a space of pain and hurt, recounting the moments that made us feel small and unworthy.
We refuse to heal ourselves because that requires effort and an active choice of change.
We refuse to choose to be happy, to heal our pain and turn it into laughter because we don't know the pitch, tone, variance or vibrancy of this laughter.
We fear the outcome believing that if we let go for one moment to truly practise love and heal some how we will get hurt and fall even deeper into the spiral of despair,
living the rest of our lives under a dark cloud.
We lack faith to believe that love is our birth right
We are afraid that in choosing love we choose a new unknown identity. We are not the same once the choice has been made.
There is no fear in love. There is only faith and hope.
I pray that you know love and if you do not get this opportunity I pray that you get a glimpse of it. You are deserving and worthy but the power lies in you.
Faith
When the ground I walk on begins to crumble and quake
When my foundation turns from solid rock to sinking sand
When everyone around me has failed and I have no one to turn to
I know I can turn to you
When my thoughts drown your voice
You find a way to force my heart to be quiet and listen
When times are hard and I feel like I'm caught between a raging fire and tumultuous ocean
You remind me to be still and know that you are here
Be still and let the pain, sadness, confusion & sorrow wash over my soul
Reborn in love I know I will see it through
This road is hard and it seems the devil has set traps to fail
But I will not, you have brought me here for a reason.
You will guide my steps when I cannot see my feet in front of me.
I trust you and humbly surrender my fate to you.
I am not strong enough to do this one my own
But with you I can climb mountains.
Sabotage
You don't know how deserving of love you are.
No one told you.
So when love took a hold of you
Panicked and frightened you attacked.
Hardened, killing every effect it had
shuting down your need for this gift.
Looking for some reason why you are better than that.
You felt soft so you told yourself you were weak.
Not knowing only hard surfaces break.
Vulnerable
Stay close to me lover
Let me linger in your smell
a few moments more
To consume you in your entirety
Your quiet strength disarms me
Letting go of ego I fall to you
In humble submission
Of the beauty of your humanity
Dear lover
Let me make you feel light
Shining your glory back to you
May I be your mirror of truth
A reflection of your growth in love