We've always thought pain was when we lose someone or an abstract close to us

But is that what it really is...

Different opinions on what pain is got me thinking

Have anyone really be in pain as what we are being told isn't really what it is

I came to the reality of what the feeling is like

At the first hit it gave me I felt lifeless slowly floating to the sky

Just as humans narrated pain I lost all in search of none

Endlessly losing my purpose in the search of me

But yet I got used to the feeling

Never could I get a sleep without the feeling of my newly found acquaintance creeping to my mind before drifting away to another world of fantasy

The life we live in became void to me.

Never left my home but yet been to many abodes that I became lost in which I was in

Always in fantasy of becoming the perfect son and child to all

But yet again if I came to reality of who I became, I was far from the illusions I had in my head

Guess that’s the life we were born to live in

Never getting what we want but what we never thought of was always on the table.

Mysteries of life kept me wandering with no reason and no hope of arriving a destination

Was I born a wanderer you ask?

It's a YES but yet a NO,

Did I make the decision of always drifting far from my reality?

These are questions I'm always faced with but again the answers are said to be in me but yet again not with me...

The only reality I've come to peace with is the that which I must keep fantasizing of a better me and becoming the better version of who I am in reality.

"LOST"

The unending journey I embarked on kept me wondering...

Will I ever get there or it's just a facade?

I became a traveler who hasn't prepared their death,

Was I a traveler to start with?

I was nothing other than a boy with dreams and no purpose

Gradually becoming an empty soul

Felt no joy as pain became my companion.

In the quest of finding purpose I became without purpose

How sad.....

But yet I kept wandering hopelessly hoping to arrive at a destination where peace is traded

Willing to trade my life in exchange for it

Even if it will take my last breath,

All I ask is to remember how it feels once again.

Is this who I ever dreamt of?

I became a stranger within myself

All I ever asked for was a father

Who cares and whom I could confide

But instead I became the father to

Seven at seventeen.

With no one to talk to

I became the listener of my own tales

So sad no one understands me,

Sadness was no longer a stranger but

Instead it became my happiness

Happiness became a bad memory

The more I remembered the more

Angered I get as it was all nothing but false hope that makes you weak.

Will I ever smile again?

This was all I asked for....

"I felt the difference in me of yesterday and I of today.

Was I the sweet, lovable kid back then?

Or I ended up just like him?

In the quest for becoming a better me

I ended up as my worst nightmare

Evil became my path as

Anger was my peace

But yet never fought with any

I became my own opponent

And was easily defeated by the I in me.

Change claims to be constant

But was mine really that way?

As I became worse and never changed from the him I became"

"Kept searching for me

The more I looked, the more lost I got

I became evil whilst being kind

I know not who I am

Is this the right path?

What if it's the wrong path?

These were the questions I asked myself all days of my life.

Seeking for happiness which I knew was never meant for me.

It's surprising how young yet so old I became.

Fully withdrawn to my inner beast

As I became the monster the world deserves

Maybe I'll be me in the next world"