it was 01:30 AM

but he would never

know

The last time he had

a watch

was when he got jumped

in the streets

for it

He didn’t hide it well

enough. Wanted

to pawn it

for liquor money

but all he drank

that night was

his own blood

This night however

he didn’t have

even that

He wasn’t in the

streets anymore

but in the cool basement

of some abandoned

building

scheduled to be demolished

A noise woke him

up

His heart calmed down

only when his eyes

saw that it wasn’t human

He’d rather

be visited by a ghost

but it was just the black

cat that roamed aroun

the building. She always

found something

to eat in

the dumpsters nearby

and was friendly to

humans, even

accepted pats sometimes

“I wish I could be

like you,” he told her

in a ragged whisper

The cat meowed

and leaped about

through the rubble,

disappearing into the dark

just like

his hopes

It’s hard to have

hopes without forgiveness

of self

he lacked that

most of all

The cat didn’t seem too

mad at him

all those weeks ago

when he stumbled into

this place which

was like her home, drunk

and famished

and desperate and

half dead

she was different the first

time they met

Much more bloated

pregnant

and about to give

birth

Which she did

then and there, over a

patch of filling foam

among the rubble

she had about seven

kittens

and a great deal of pain

and he was so

hungry and

so void of rationality

from the drink

eating away at his insides

Just one small

kitten. He took only

one

and held his breath

and closed his eyes

and did

what any starving beast

would do

and now after all

those days

somehow it hurt all

the more

to see that the cat

wasn’t mad at him

She didn’t try to

kill him in

his sleep, to

claw his eyes out

or bite off his

Adam’s apple

she behaved as if nothing

happened

and now his stomach

growled again

like a beast

in pain

There was no ultimate

justice in this

world. Not for the good,

not for the wicked,

and not for those

in between

He closed his eyes

again

and held his breath

***

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four nights ago

one of the

plastic dumpsters caught

fire and kept

burning

until morning

it offered light

and warmth

and the best part...

as it grew ever smaller

with melting,

it resembled a statuette

of a female figure

licking lustfully at it's own

hands joined in prayer

It would've been a sin

not to take her home

He had no home

other than the

abandoned building he lived

in though,

so he took her there

and joined her in prayer

and made love to

it many times, his lips black

from caressing the

burnt plastic

this morning too

he defecates on it

and spreads the stuff

all over her face

to keep

her alive

There is infinite happiness

in his success

She starts talking to him,

uttering

kind words he'd never

heard from

humans in his life

“My love,” she says, “your

genuine appreciation

of my beauty

pleases me

immensely. I would reward you.

But first, make

me even more alive. You can

do it.”

He didn't know how,

but that was alright, for

she told him

“The life of a young one.

Give it to me. Cover

and bathe me in it. The life

of a young one as

you see daily playing

in the park. A little girl, pretty

as the sunshine after rain.

I desire to bask in

her life force.

Bring me one.”

He nodded with the

biggest

grin on his deformed face

and set towards the

park

It was a sunny

day

one he'll never

forget

***

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She pointed at the

big hole in

her ear lobe.

“Yeah, I tried putting

a horn through it.

Real piece of horn from

a bull, by the way.

But problem was, after I got

it in, well, it just

didn't look as cool as

I thought it would. It

didn't look

like a horn. More like a

dick. I don't wanna

walk around with

a dick in my ear. And now I'm

stuck with

this hole. I like it,

but I'd like to

fill it with something.

Something cool, you know?

What would you put in it

if you

were me? Oh, and don't give some

witty answer like 'common sense' or

'a brain' or some shit

like that cuz I'll leave

right away.”

He said nothing. Just watched

her, eyes

fixated on the large hole

in her ear lobe

She snapped her

fingers. “Hey, you alright

though?”

He said, “My mother died

the other day.”

“What? Oh god, I'm... so

sorry.”

“I'll cut off her

ring finger,” he said

“W-what?”

“With the wedding

ring on. It's not too late,

we haven't buried her yet. Her

body's still at the morgue,

in the freezer. I've the

right to see her. I'll cut

off her ring finger

and you can put

that through your ear, how

about it?”

“What the fuck!?”

There was silence at

their table. Only stares

“Boy, you're crazier than

I am,” she said

finally.

He nodded

and stood and motioned

the waiter for

the check. “Let's go to

the morgue right away.

I got some good pliers in

the car. Even a saw.”

She said nothing for as long

as it took

the waiter to

bring them the check

though when she finally

found her voice

she said, “Alright, let's

go, love.”

***

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their deaths were

four

days apart

first went father

and then

mother

And now the dark smoke

took the shape of

a cat

and clung to his

shoulder, digging sharp

claws into his

flesh

"It hurts," he cried

"Oh, shut up," the smoke cat

said, "Be a man. In this

world only the

strong survive. While the weak...

look what happens

to them. You must

become strong.

So start with your father,

he's been

dead for longer."

"But I'm scared of blood,"

he cried. "And it

stinks in here."

"You're scared because

you're still not a man

yet. Grab the

fucking cleaver and start

working!"

He didn't want to die

like them. So he

raised the cleaver above

the father's violet wrist

and dropped it

The blood

squirted stale and

stinky

in all directions

"Ew!"

"Ew is well said," hissed the

cat. "That was

below pathetic. How are

you gonna get

through the bone with

such weak strokes?

Shame!

You deserve to die just

like them."

"Hey... I thought you

were my friend."

"I am your friend,

dumbass. But I would like

to become more

than that, you know? And for

my wish to come

true you must

become

a real man. So do as I say now!"

"What do you mean

more than a

friend?"

"You wouldn't get it

and you don't

have to.

What you have to do now

is hurry the fuck up

and grow. Become

a man!"

"But I can't eat

my parents."

"Oh, shut up. You're

not even trying."

"Can you at least

cook it for me?"

The smoke cat's

laugh

felt raspy in his ear.

"There you go, already talking

like a real man. Almost.

That's enough to

get me

quite excited, you know?

Hah, I guess I can help

you a bit.

All right, the straw mattress. Light

it on fire

and get out."

"What?"

"The house is already

infected with

their sickness. It's no longer

suitable to live here.

Why not turn it into a

giant oven

and then eat the meat cooked

after the flames die?"

That night

they were perched on the hill

behind the

house,

watching the spiky orange

flames devour the

small cottage

"Dammit," he said in

a raspy voice. "You bitch

are gonna burn my food. It

better not be all

ashes or I'm gonna

strangle you some."

The smoke cat

shape shifted slowly

into a more feminine

form, more

human

In her transformation

she made noises

or excitement

at his words

***

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"Is having a few

sextapes here

and there

enough to lose custody

of my kids?" she asked. "I do

porn. So what?

It's just another

job."

"No," he said. "They took

your kids

because they were

in the back seat of

the car while you

were giving head

to a guy in front. You can

hear their voices

in the tape

and even see them

a little. That's

very irresponsible of you."

"Ah, fuck you.

Who are

you to judge me?"

"Just someone who

wouldn't perform sexual

acts with children

present.

That makes me superior

to you."

"Well let's see you try to

find a place for 'em

after you've

been evicted from

the fourth house in three

months.

I think I made the right

choice. I'm pretty

sure I did.

It was raining outside! Anyone

took that into

consideration?

No! They just wanna point

the finger and blame. It's

all they know. I'm just

doing what I can

to take care of

me and my family. I got

paid and got

gas in the tank

and bought them snacks

afterwards.

Why does nobody mention

that?

Shit, the world is just

cruel. It's

plain cruel. And is it better

for them now?

Is it better that they've

been taken into

foster care where they're gonna

get raped by the older

kids and

their food is gonna get

stolen?

Is it really better now?

The more I look at it

the more it

seems like I'm living

in hell.

Does it ever get

better? Seriously,

does it ever?"

"After we die," he said

"Then why do we

live in the

first place? What's the point?"

"To realize that

there's nothing to live for

and show yourself out

as soon as possible."

"No... You're wrong."

"What?"

"I said you're wrong. There is

still... I mean, I just

know for sure

that if I could get my

children back

and... and if I could actually

provide for them

like a real mother,

that would make me really

happy.

I'd find heaven in that. Then

life would

really have a meaning."

"What? You mean you're

really not gonna

suicide with me?

Are you serious?"

"Fuck you. You can go

to hell alone

tonight.

I'm getting my kids back."

And just like that

she put her

clothes on

and was out the door

didn't even

taste the cocaine

this time

He watched the door

slam in her wake

and it felt

like witnessing God wink

"Well, I'll be damned..." he said,

and got up

***

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a dog doesn't know

much about

the world,

as most animals don't

and they don't care

about the world

or about their inability

to comprehend it

Animals are perfectly

self-centered,

like human babies

Well I knew this girl

who was an animal rights

activist

and couldn't make her

peace with

animals not following their

owners to heaven

Animals don't go to heaven,

is what religion stated

She had visited heaven

a few times

and came back. It's done through

intense meditation

and with the help of

a few special mushrooms

And every time she had

visited heaven

she saw no

animals there

If heaven doesn't have

pets

then heaven is not worth

going to,

she concluded

and she meditated some

more and

had more out-of-body

experiences

and experimented with

new shrooms and herbs

It eventually became clear

to her

that animals don't go

to heaven

because they didn't have

a savior like

Jesus Christ

to die for them, to

redeem them in the eyes

of the creator

She loved her German Shepherd

more than she loved

anything in life, more

than she loved herself

But so did God love

His son Jesus

and still gave him as sacrifice

for a higher good

When she drugged her dog

and nailed its paws,

tail and tongue

to a timber board with a

power drill

she had not the least drop

of sadism in her

It was all for

a higher cause. It was to buy

the animals their

right to go to heaven

She named her dog

Jesus Christ, of course

Even after the local authorities

took her into

custody

she was happy. She knew

that the humans who haven't

seen heaven wouldn't

understand and didn't

expect them to

"Forgive them, Father, for

they know not

what they do.

They thought they have seen

horror. Oh, but how wrong

they are. No one

has seen true horror

until they've seen

a heaven without animals!"

***

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sparks blazing in her

eyes,

she watched him from

across the fire

sitting silently on her

small log,

bracing herself

shivering a little

“You see,” he said, “this fire

gives off more sparks

than flames.”

She nodded

And he went on, “It's because

it uses souls as

fuel. I'm burning

things that once used

to be part of people,

things imbued with

their

essence.

A favorite scarf gifted by

a loved one

before departing,

a wife's beloved ring,

a child's doll

that resembles their mother,

a purse that

is seen as magical by a rich

merchant who

thinks she got rich

by holding money in it,

an army general's lucky

loincloth.

These objects have in them

parts of the

souls of people who used to

own them.

Other thieves think they're stealing

things of value, but

they don't know what

true value means.

Me, I'm no ordinary thief, as

you can tell.”

She nodded

and a long silence

stretched between them, only

the crackle of the flames

and the sizzling of the sparks,

and a very distant

wolf's howl

made the air vibrate

Then he told her,

“A great storm is coming.”

Concerned, she looked around

into the night

sky and then back

at the fire and the man

across from it. But she said

nothing.

“Let's go,” he said. “Inside my

cabin. We'll be safe there.”

Now she spoke. “No. I can't.”

“You can't?”

“I'm sorry. Cabin is too... narrow.

I'm afraid.”

“I have a cat's hind leg

preserved in salt

there. Wouldn't you want to kiss

and suck at the pillowy

paw? To trace its

claws across your tongue

and lips?

It feels great. Comforting.”

She shook her

head. “I can't. Can't go

into...”

“Into narrow spaces,” he finished

for her. “They terrify you.

You've always been

like that, haven't you?

Hence, you came to me,

to the greatest thief of all

times. You want me

to steal away your fear of

small, narrow places.”

She tried to speak

but managed only

a fervent nod

“I see,” he said. “Well then,

rest assured.

You've been robbed

already. You've been robbed

the moment you

set foot in here.”

“H-how?”

“I told you. I am the thief

of all thieves. Before you

see me once,

I will have seen you

for a lifetime. The ultimate thief

is he who is so good

that the victim doesn't

even realize they've been

stolen from.

So stand now, dear, and follow

me inside the

narrow cabin.

Your fear is now in my pockets,

however I was so

subtle that you didn't notice. You

think you still have it.

Yet I must ask

you, what is there

for the dead to fear?”

She hesitated. “I... don't know.”

“That's right. You don't

know. And never will. And what

you don't know

can't hurt you, can it?

Now stand, child. And follow

me inside.”

She stood

but didn't follow as he

departed for the cabin

“What's wrong?” he asked

“The storm that is approaching,”

she said. "I don't fear

it either. I don't

need safety.”

Her words made him burst

into laughter. “Ah, I knew it

was a great idea to

let you find me.

Very well then. When you've had

enough of the storm,

I'll be waiting for

you inside.”

He went in

and closed the door

the storm was

getting ever closer

She brought her log closer to

the fire

and placed her naked feet

in the flames,

looked up at the sky

and laughed

the thunder laughed

right back

***

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she didn't hide it

No, she held it

in full display in her living room

It was a baby's head

floating in a jar

"I wish I could just

unseal it

and open the eyes,"

she said. "It would

really look infinitely more

beautiful if it had

its eyes open. Maybe I could

snip off the eyelids.

But I'm afraid I won't

be able to

seal the jar

back.

This small wonder has been

taken from a research

lab.

The baby was born dead

so the mother, not a Christian

one I take it, had donated

its body for science.

I too lost a baby, only mine

died before exiting the

womb.

And I had this nerdy boyfriend

at the time. He worked in

the research lab

and stole this

for me.

This is what true love

is like. I tried again and again

to get pregnant with him

afterwards

but it just didn't work. Maybe

my system is damaged

beyond repair now

or maybe his sperm

just wasn't

strong enough. We didn't

consult a specialist

about it.

Now I no longer care that

much.

I have this baby right here

and... it works. I no longer

feel the need

for a living one that grows

under my eyes. I'm fine with

this. It's a girl, by the way.

I feel like one of those

men who buy

sex dolls because they

can't get real women.

It'll never be the

real thing, of course. Yet in

some ways it's even

better than

the real thing.

All in all, I do declare myself

a happy, fulfilled woman

today. I need nothing else.

You don't need

real children

or partners to be happy

in life.

Imagination is the only

requirement. And those who

don't have it

call it craziness. Well, let them

talk. Meanwhile those

of us who have it

are living our lives.

Cheers."

***

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"But real love," she says,

"is when you'd

sew your skin into

the skin of your lover to

become one.

If I could cut off

my arm

from the elbow

and cut yours off as well

and join them together

as one limb, I'd go for

it. I'd then follow

with the other

arm, then the legs,

and finally the chests and

the foreheads

and lips.

We'd die of course, but that

would be the

beauty of it. We'd die

together, as one.

We'd become a mass of filth

and puss and

rot and

eventually melt into a single

substance.

That would be heaven.

You'd do

that for me, wouldn't you,

darling?"

Lying in bed,

he removed the pillow

from his face. It did nothing

to silence her. Of course

it did nothing.

Because she was not real,

only in his head.

They were already one

and the same

and as one-and-the-same

as they could get.

"C'mon already!" she

shouted. "Say that

you love me too!"

"Uh, I do," he mumbled,

a hand rubbing

circles at his

right temple

"Of course you do!" she

said. "However, last morning

when you fell

asleep

somehow, for some

unthinkable reason, your

dreams were not of me. I don't

understand how

such a tragedy could

have

occurred.

It's hell!

The simple idea of separation

between the two

of us is hell, darling, and I

don't wanna abandon you

in hell.

Don't worry. I'll keep you

awake. Dreams aren't

good for you.

I'll keep them away

and myself close."

He covered his face

with the

pillow again

and held his breath

She went on, "You know

what I dreamed last

time I was

asleep?

Of you, of course!

I dreamed that you were

so small and so

cute

and I could hold you

in my palm

and play with you so nicely

and squeeze you

all over

and, my ultimate fantasy, chew

on you!

Oh yes! I put you whole

in my mouth and

bit down on your chewy

cuteness.

Then I bit you in the middle

and tore your

torso off

and swallowed your bottom

half completely.

I came at that moment. Yes,

it was a very wet

dream.

I kept the top half of you

in my palms

and watched your beautiful

guts ooze out.

Ah, they were like swollen

spider legs. And I

made you walk

and crawl on them all

over my body.

Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap,

your hot gut-legs across

my sweaty skin went

up and down,

up and down.

Oh, and I swear the only

bad thing about

this dream was that it

ended too early. Just

when I was about to

sew your guts

on a spot

between my breasts.

But what am I saying? The right

time for that dream

to end would've

been NEVER!!!

Right, darling? Right?"

He tossed the pillow

away

and stood

Walked out of the

bedroom

and into the kitchen

"Darling!" she shouted

in his head. "What do

you think

of my dream?

Most wholesome

thing ever, right

darling?

Riiiiight?"

He opened a cupboard

and reached for

a little box of

sleeping pills

Opened it

"Darling?

What are you doing? What's

that?"

He poured a few pills

into his palm,

about six,

and swallowed them quickly

and placed his head

sideways under the

tap to suck at the

stream of water as he

turned it on

"What silly behavior,

darling," she said. "Those

things will

make you sleepy.

It... It wouldn't be

a problem if

you'd dream of me, but...

What if you don't?

Can you imagine? What if

you go to sleep

for hours and hours

and... Ah, I don't even

want to think about

it!"

He went back into

the bedroom

"Darling,

get those things out

of your lovely

stomach now! C'mon, let's

vomit together!"

But the only thing he

could do now

was start crying

and throw his numb body

forward

like jumping into a pool

so he could land with

the head into the

corner of

the nightstand

It was a fairly

loud bang

and he stayed down

lying on the floor, luckily

on a carpeted portion of it

He was on his side

so it was alright

even if he vomited in his

sleep

The sleep didn't

come yet

but something better

came.

A silence so sweet and

so mercifully tender

that his numb face

turned into a smile as

the eyes closed

It'll be alright

She will come back

by the time

he'd wake up

but she

wasn't always

so bad

Sometimes she

was

actually quite all right

Some time ago

when he worked up

the courage

to tell his

father about her,

the father said,

"Meh, that's nothing,

try living with

a real woman and then

see what it's

like to go mad for

real."

Of course

father was drunk more often

than not

so he didn't know

much about

women that were real

and women that were real

only to certain men. He

had his own

demons to live with

Everyone must

have those

else they're either

a boring saint who spends

a lifetime meditating

in caves

or not a complete person

to begin with

Yeah... demons

complete us

as humans

Why should one seek

to live without

them?

***

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the candles were not

made of wax

it was something

different

Something that smelled

like sweat as they

melted

there were five

of them

One for each

corner of the pentagram

They had to take

the furniture

and the carpet out

of the room

to trace it

in the middle

with powders he'd never

heard about

or smelled

or seen before

he'd never heard

or seen or

thought about anything

like this before

He just went

along

And now watched

her round, shaved head

in the dancing light

of the candles

She looked like

an eastern goddess

to him

"I think we're ready," she

said

He didn't know what

they were ready for

but went along

again and

stretched naked over the

pentagram as instructed

and watched as

she mounted him

She rode him in complete

silence

No moaning,

no heavy breathing,

like she felt nothing at all

"The way to summon

the devil is

through your womb," she

explained. "The seed

of a man who

wants to die

is required. How lucky

I am to have

found you, love."

A few days ago

he wrote on social

media that if

he doesn't find a

goth girlfriend

in six days he'll kill himself

Maybe words

really do

hold power

after all

***

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