Hello how ya doin, I hate your fuckin guts

I always hear you talkin, you should shut the fuck up

I’m not a mean person so I keep it myself

But I hope the weather’s nice when you make it down to hell

I hope you forget to put the seat down,

Before you take a shit

Fall in and get your ass wet, yeah take a little dip

Or find a big ass spider on a spoonful of your food

Right before you swallow and it goes right down the tube

I hope you get ready for a road trip, get all your things in the car

Find the battery is missing, it’s never gonna start

Put on your favorite pants, and head out to the club

He’s only lookin over there’s a blood stain on your butt

I don’t have any nice words to say to your face

I’ll let my girl karma stand up and take my place

I was raised to be a gentleman, I’m hardly ever mean

But karma is a bitch, she’s the devil in your dreams she says

Fuck you I don’t like you, but I would never wish you harm

I just hope you get a tattoo of a penis on your arm

And get your eyebrows shaved off, by your sisters shitty kids

To make room on your forehead to draw fifty little dicks

Now that’s a little much, but I still think you deserve it

Stuck inside your head, you probably think you’re perfect

I have less trust in you than I have in a fart

If left between the two, I’ll always pick a shart

I don’t have any nice words to say to your face

I’ll let my girl karma stand up and take my place

I was raised to be a gentleman, I’m hardly ever mean

But karma is a bitch, she’s the devil in your dreams she says

Now you know the truth, I hate your fuckin guts

Do us all a favor, and shut the fuck up

I’m not a mean person, it’s just something that you do

You can go to heaven I just hope it’s really soon

Where’d you go, you faded out.

Guess it’s me who’s lookin jaded now.

Gotta Fake it till I make it now

Don’t need my heart you can take it out

I know I was never your favorite, and you always showed me love

But why do I still feel like I was never good enough

Was it because you gave me so many chances to get my shit together

And all I ever did was fuck it up?

Damn, maybe, but promise I fuckin tried

To be someone you could look at and feel a little pride

All I ever wanted was for you to be proud

And to feel like I was home, not just in a house

Part of that is on me, I know, I’ve never felt at home

I’ve always had to move, like my heart was happier alone

But even alone, I still wished someone was around

To pick me up, dust me off when I hit the ground

That was supposed to be you, the hero in the cape

But now it feels like there was always a mask, fucking fake

I know it sounds like a little boy, crying about the past

But it’s your little boy, crying about his fuckin dad

If I said it was all bad, I’d be a fuckin liar

All things considered, I was a pretty happy child

And part of that has to be because of you

I know it wasn’t easy back then, all the shit you went through

You did your best to make us all feel happy

making sure we didn’t have to go without

I know you meant it when you said you loved me

I think about that a lot, I never had a doubt

But at some point, you put other things in front

Maybe that’s what happens when your kids grow up

They get older, and eventually move away

And part of you moves on, though you’d probably never say

I get that, I do, but I guess I just wanted more

than hey, happy birthday, I love you, you don’t call anymore

And I don’t call either, but your effort has been gone for a while

So if you ever swallow your pride, I may be a man now, but I’ll always be your child

Remember when you said you loved me? I do.

Remember when you said you cared? I do.

Remember when you told me that you’d always be there? I do.

Where the fuck are you now, drawing your line in the sand

I can see where you walk which means I can see where you stand

I didnt choose my family or even my last name

But you called me your own and still loved me the same

Growing up under your watch and becoming a man

I never thought with your knife you would stab

Me in the chest, I thought we were family

Which meant we had a sort of understanding

Like we wouldn’t fuckin abandon and leave each other fuckin stranded

But fuck me, what the fuck do I know

It’s not like you stopped me from going out that door

Then acted like you were mad when I was finally cared for

I have friends that have always been there more

So if not to fuck you up what the fuck is family for

I found a good reason to start being me

I finally learned that I’m where I should be

My life isn’t over cuz I started again.

This is the good part, the part where we win

I got my feet up on the dash sittin right next to my girl

Behind us is our past and in front is the whole world

Yeah we’re flyin down the freeway with nowhere real to be

I don’t mind gettin lost with this woman next to me

Cuz there’s Somethin bout her smile and the way she wears her hair

that makes it so damn hard for a guy not to stare

In one hand she’s got the wheel and the other is my heart

If you see her drivin somewhere shit you know I’m never far

Where to go from here when we’ve got all we need

Got me feeling like a bird yeah I’m finally free

It’s gonna sound corny but it’s like she gives me wings

Like I could just take flight and go farther than you see

But for now we’re in the car, puttin miles on the meter

At the end of every mile yeah I know she’s gonna be there

We’re driving past our worries, gonna leave it all behind

Hit the road of our life, and who knows what we’ll find

We ain’t switching lanes, we’re just staying in our own

We know Where we lay our heads is where we call our home

Cuz home is where the heart is, and my heart is in that seat

I don’t need a fuckin I address if she’s ridin next to me

I wanna see the sights that were hidden from our eyes

Go to where the mountains can reach and touch the sky

Or cruise through the desert where the sun is always king

Where the money, pain, and shame don’t mean a fuckin thing

We don’t need any maps or to follow any signs

Just a tank full of gas and some snacks to get us by

Threw my watch out the window I don’t need to know the time

I’ll let these winding roads and her smile be my guide

I don’t know where we’re going, but I’ll know when we’re there

But if I’m being honest it’s not like I really care

We could drive forever and it wouldn’t bother me

I know where she goes is where I wanna be

Sometimes you gotta slow down and take stock of where you are

When you think about it we dont ever get that far

From the things that haunt us and try to chase us down

Keeping us scared from living life in the now

But right now, there’s just nothing I could want more

Then to be right here with the pedal on the floor

Weve all get our dirt just waitin in the rear view

But I can see just fine now, workin with a clear view

So let me take a minute to talk about before

Life had me empty, I just felt so fuckin poor

Change is all I wanted but I had nothin to my name

But then I met this lady that would change the fuckin game

She pulled up in her car, lookin pretty like she does

Said take a ride with me, i promise you’ll have fun

She didn’t tell me I’d have the time of my life

That’d I’d be gone forever, just ridin with my wife

◦

this is what I get for becoming friends

With hope for the future and dead end trends

Time heals all but this it’ll never mend

How alone you ever let me get, or let me feel

Tellin the mirror that this wasn’t real

I thought being loved was part of the deal

You were supposed to be there for me not sell me fear

But you did. So I ran. Saying I’d never come back

But I did. As a man. With a way better plan

But the plans had stopped including you, nothing left for me to choose

You took more from me than I could ever hope or dream to lose

But it’s fine. I’m good. I’m gonna be okay

And If the suns comes up for me another day

I promise to thank the ones along the way

For telling me I wasn’t done I still had something left to say

Someday you’ll get what you deserve

Ran out of people you can hurt

I don’t hate you but I don’t love you either

And I promise, that’s gonna feel much worse.

What could I do with wasted love

I swallowed it down and ate it up

Heart so big but it ain’t enough

Guess this is what it’s like to be jaded huh

I was only a kid but I felt full grown

Trying to build a life all on my own

Doing things that I shoulda been shown

Rackin up debt with my life on loan

But it’s fine. I learned that you get what you give

And it’s time. Cuz I earned the life wanna live

Guess this life belongs to me becausenow I have to fight

For any love I ever feel I don’t ever let it leave my sight

You can try, and say, you’ve missed me for so long

But I hope, at least, you know what you did was wrong

But all you did was me make strong,

Into a man you’ll never know

I got scars to tell you where I’ve been

and this is how I let it show

Sometimes I try to forget where I’m from

Too late, I know, the damage is done

Let you say what you say, stop letting it in

I don’t hate yesterday, Just stopped letting it win

I remember being so hungry, I wound up feet up in the trash

Finally had a meal, thinking damn, this ain’t so bad

Didn’t know how bad I had it, but I did it to myself

Slapped away any hand that reached out and tried to help

We’ve all made dumb choices once, twice or fifteen times

Gettin shit wrong no matter how hard we tried

But the point is to keep trying, while you still have a will to break

I stopped being thankful I had anything left to take

And ended up tired and afraid, broken and alone

With nothing to my name, no house no car or a phone

And barely a shirt on my back or any friends to call my own

Felt farther from my family than I had ever known

But I still had air in my lungs and a beat in my chest

My dad used to say as long as you’re breathing, there’s hope for you yet

So even when you’re on empty and there’s just nothing left

Harden up a little because even you haven’t seen your best

Ive lost so much time worrying about what they think

Given so much head space I should make em sign a lease

I make myself sick tryin to do right by others

But they just quickly shrug me off with relative ease

Like I’m only visible when I do something they don’t like

Why are your problems so much bigger than mine?

You haven’t seen me struggle so you don’t think ill fight

When inside I could be in the fight of my life

But nobody gives a damn about anyone anymore

Just take what you need, leave what’s left on the floor

Don’t know how many times I’ve been here left for dead

Losing years of my life trying to get right in my head

Maybe take a second, give a minute to a friend

Stop trying to take and give an open hand

You might be surprised how much better you feel

When you start to help rather than hurt your fellow man

I’ve got some stories you’ve heard and maybe some you haven’t

but my story isn’t about love ever lasting

There’s a lot of loss and weak shoulders carrying the blame

Mixed in with nights of regret and unforgettable shame

But it’s not all bad, learning from your mistakes

Just can’t miss too much the things that life takes

And it will, yes it will and there’s nothing you can do

Except wake up each day trying to be a better you

A better me, be a better drew a better man and a better friend

So I have some memories worth remembering in the end

Cuz I’ve got some demons chasin me in my head

Telling me that we’re better off with me dead

That might be true but I’ve still got love to give

And if you’re askin me that’s still the point to all of this

I have my good days, and my bad. But lately, most days, I just feel done. I don’t feel empty anymore, I just feel like I’ve done what I was supposed to do. I never quit using drugs, I just shifted my addictions. And in this part of my life, my drug is you. I take a hit, and I lose sight of what kills me. But when I come down, I start to see that it’s you. Draining what’s left of any hope I ever had of being who I wanted to be. Or maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the nightmare, and you’re begging to wake up. I don’t know anymore. But I do know I’m losing the desire to fight it. To fight anything. I can’t say that I give up, because being let go of is much easier for the me that I am today. You used to be the part of my life that I wished on everyone else. Now, it seems as though you’re just another chapter, and it’s probably time to turn the page, and read on.

Got my hands stained red now, just another letdown

Lookin in the mirror like this is what you get now

This is what I get now?

This is what you get when you burn another bridge and kill another friend

This what I get when I get it in my head

That nothing comes from love but another regret

It’s like I can’t help but to fuckin regress

Goin back in time just to make another mess

I’m thinking about the future now, less and less

Maybe me leaving would be for the best

I guess I’m always at war with my yesterday

I thought young and stupid was supposed to be a phase

Yet here I am wishin that I could fuckin take back

All the hurt and shame that I keep from fuckin way back

Handing out my hope like you can fuckin take that

on my way out just let me fuckin say that

Nothing is the same now, just another day now

Waiting for today just to get out of my way now

Holding out my hand like I need a little change now

Building up a debt that I’ll ever get to pay down

There’s a price to be paid for the wreckage that we cause

When we’re forced to sell to low losing all that we’ve got

So we scrape up the change that we can still find

Using it to buy just a little more time

Regret can build a home and set up in your mind

Stealing precious moments and derailing your life

Time is unrelenting you don’t get a receipt

There’s no taking back the moments you chose to deceive

Yet here I am wishin that I could fuckin take back

All the hurt and shame that I keep from fuckin way back

Handing out my hope like you can fuckin take that

on my way out just let me fuckin say that

I can feel it in the air, it’s time to say goodbye

To an old version of me that’s trying to ruin my life

I try to be happy but I’ve got this darker side

That’s taking my smile and still selling me lies

Like I’m not good enough for love

Or the love that I give will never be enough

To keep a good woman from always gettin up

And leaving a broken man alone, in the dust

It’s a daily battle to keep me from giving up

But she tells me that I’m strong, and she’s not going anywhere

Even when I hit the bottom and choose to stay there

I’m always at war with bad decisions I’ve made

But I can’t do it any more, that’s over today

So I’ll put it in the air, and let it float away

All the things that hurt, that I keep from yesterday

Let it rain tonight, and bring me a new day

I close my eyes as I feel it coming over me

I got this voice inside my head, I choose to call him fear

He says I’m all alone and that no one loves me here

Well fuck, sometimes he’s right cuz I’ve done some stupid shit

A result of my own actions, how low I fuckin get

Now if that’s the case and it all starts and ends with me

I’m the one in control of how happy I can be

So I give away these words and accept the therapy

Of saying goodbye to yesterday and hello to a better me

I know I can be better and I think she knows it too

Why else would a good fucking woman wanna see this shit through?

She says all the time we’re more important than the fear

So all this worrying shot has gotta stop here

So I’ll put it in the air, and let it float away

All the things that hurt, that I keep from yesterday

Let it rain tonight, and bring a new day

I close my eyes as I feel it coming over me

I’m gonna miss you. Maybe I already do. You’re already gone. So what will it matter when I leave? I think about your smile. I see it always. I see that first smile. Sitting with you, in your car. I didn’t know I was sitting with my future, I just knew you were so fucking beautiful. That laugh. Those big, beautiful eyes. Fixed on only me. You could see my heart. I hadn’t had a reason to smile in so long. Feeling like I lost myself, I felt found in your eyes. I wanted to kiss you. Put those soft lips on mine, and feel real love. I knew it was there. I knew you were the answer. I knew it. I think you could see that I felt that. Two lost souls. Found. Finally. When I think about that moment, it’s hard to ignore how beautiful that is. Not worrying about the future, or the effect on the present. We only existed in those laughs, in those smiles. You were just so damn beautiful.

And now. The question is different. So I can’t possibly be your answer. But I am the problem. I hear you fight. And defend. And run from me. I feel you leave. I don’t hear your laugh or see you smile. And I feel so guilty. Responsible. Would you be better with me gone, I wonder constantly. Would you be happier? How quickly would you find another reason to smile? How quickly would I be erased? I listen to you say you’re overwhelmed. That the weight of your life is just too heavy. Oh baby, if you only knew. I built a home there. I lived there, I died there. I understand. I tell you how that makes me feel, and it just seems as though I’m not listening. I hear you. I just want to help, but come up short. I ask you for answers. And you have nothing. That’s what you give me. Nothing. I beg. And plead. Let me help you. Sit down, right here, next to me. And agree to not walk away until we know the end. Know the way.

But you fight. You push. You run. And so does my mind. It runs wild. But never free. It gets away from me, when you tell me how unhappy you are. And I can’t find it, for what seems like forever. You are the only way I know to get back to myself. And it feels as though you’re gone. If that’s true, then I am too. I mean well. I do. I want to grab your hand. And run with you. Away from what hurts you and scares you. I feel and live and breathe these words. But do they even teach you? Do you see what you have? All of me, is all of yours. I have driven you away. Maybe not all my fault. But I paid for some of the gas.

So I wonder. Would you miss me? Would it hurt? This road leads to the end of us. The end of me. Maybe you don’t see it that way. But it is the truth. I’d go through hell to help you, to keep you. When you create distance, that’s where I live. Where I die. Is this over dramatic? Maybe. But is it true? Definitely.

I love you more than you will ever know. With all of my body. My mind. My past and my future. Everything I am. Knows. I belong with you. But it’s slipping away. Help me save it.

These are the words I will leave behind. Maybe the hole I create in you will help you see what you can mean to someone. What you meant to me. I loved you with everything I could. I just wish that was enough. Maybe I’d still be here.