I sit there in silence as we sit next to eachother. Wondering “should either of us be here? In this spot, in this exact moment.” I do my thing as you do yours, Just always a little conserened about what you are doing, but never question it. I just bottle up my emotions just like most aquariuses I know. I want to just stand there and yell at you at the top of my lungs sometimes, but I choose to still bottle it up, It is not healthy, but that’s all I have ever known how to do since I was little. I guess I will just hold it in until I explode. and it will not be a pleasent sight at all.

You walk into my life and say you are a friend. Say that you will do anything for me; acted as a father figure to me casuse I basically grew up without one. Then you start acting like my reaal father, who I am not a fan of. So what? I do things my way and no other way. A helpful suggestion, as a father figure would do, is absolutley great. Now we are starting to venture away from this friendship. I know where I sit at the table, now please tell me where you sit? Because if this is how we are going to call a friendship, I don't want any part of it.

Could this finally be my way out? I am so nervous and the butterflies in my stomach are killing me. This could be my only way out and I am not preppared. Well the only thing I can do is dive in head firstd. The worst response is no, but I am not ready to be stuck down again. What am I doing wrong? Well i sure wish it wasn't this stressful. I am ready for a change and this could benfit me in the long run; I have to do what is best for me not anyone else. Well time to attack this head on. Wish me luck!!!!

The first to say good morning.

The first to say goodnight.

The first to text.

The first to call.

The first to ride.

The first to die.

The first to tell you my feeling.

The first to get hurt.

I’m so tired of being the first for you

You don’t deserve it, at least not from me

I deserve so much more then just to be another sidepiece of yours.

I deserve to be put first for a change.

I sit and watch as everyone chases a dog

I sit and watch as my roommate storms off mad at me and idk why

I sit and watch as the man I am falling for is saying one thing but meaning another

I sit and watch as work bullies me into stepping down

I sit and watch as I see my family moves my furniture

I sit and watch as my dad builds a deck

I sit and watch as my uber drivers get frusterated when they see I am in a wheelchair.

I sit and watch as my roomates clean and decorate

I sit and watch as most people would rather not deal with me and my disability

I sit and watch most problems

I just wish I could contribute more to the situation and not be the burden

Instead I just sit there wishing it was all over

Eleven years ago, I was put into a wheelchair. My brother was driving and I was sitting in the backseat headed to a dance party. He had ran a stop sign causing another car to T-bone us. My friend and I were sitting in the back seat, then next thing you know it i had woken up in a hospital seven weeks later. after awaking from a coma, my mom and I were flew to a bigger city to start therapy. After two months I could finally return home, but I knew nothing was ever going to be the same. As we returned, immediatly was enrolled into a therapy program for speech, ocupational and physical therapy. After three years, I would be let go from the program because I had platued in my progress. I have been working everday to help my physical situation and everyday I get a little better. Even though I do get better, I feel like I am bound to needing a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

I sit here just waiting for a response hours on end. Hoping and praying that you are ok, but preparing for the worst possible outcome. I don't know how but you found the way to my heart; you seem so amazing, but then my flight or fight instinct kicks in. Secluding my thoughts and my feelings, until I can learn your true intentions. Late at night, my wrist notifies me that it is you trying to reacch me. I open trying to find the right response; as I am typing to your previous messages I ignore the rest until I compose the message that I know nothing of the reprecutions. Finally finished, the message makes its journey to you and you read it. Heart pounding, sad, scared but content with life at the moment. So excited that you will finally learn my true feelings, I lay in bed waiting for a response. Goodness this is the true defenition of adulting.

Shook as all eyes glare in my direction as the male contestent for the 83rd annual Hunger Games was just drawn. “Conner Stone” was announced over the speakers of the courtyard; the name just echoed due to the silence of all the other children. A peacekeeper starts to push me and all I can do is sit there and see my life flash before my eyes. I remember thinking “I’m dead, how is anyone in a wheelchair goin to compete.” As soon as I come to my senses, and I am on the stage sitting there in awe. As they were about to announce the female tribute, a familiar voice calls out “I volunteer.” I look and it was my loving fiance, Jasper Tripp, and he is walking to the stage while I am being rolled off while tears are rolling down my face.

Riding to a dance party and all of a sudden BAM! My eyes open from a slumber, unable to move a muscle. I try to scream, but all is silent as if someone had hit the mute button on a remote. Petrified at the situation, I see people all around me. Family? No. I see medical equiptment and my heart starts to race. In that moment I realized I was in a hospital nothibg would ever be the same...