I went for a long hike one Sunday afternoon. When I arrived home I had to use the restroom. So I sat down on my toilet and I realized that I had forgotten my phone. I was disappointed, but I was forced to be present. I looked down and on my pant leg there it sat. A baby grasshopper, staring at me. I could see it breathing as HE looked me dead in the eyes. I watched it slowly start to crawl up my leg, but I didn't let this rush me. When I was finished. I slowly walked outside and it jumped off my leg and hopped away. Thank you baby grasshopper, for keeping me present.

If we were to meet again, I would tell you I love you but I can’t be with you.

If we were to meet again, I would tell you how much I miss you. Your touch, your smell, your voice, the way you played with my hair. 

If we were to meet again, I’d ask you if you still hate me for my decision.

If we were to meet again, I would hug you as tight as I could, if you’d let me.

If we were to meet again, I would cry happy and sad tears. 

If we were to meet again, I would ask you if you’ve felt me when I think of you because I know I've felt you.

If we were to meet again, it would be hard to walk away.

If we were to meet again, I would tell you why I really left.

If we were to meet again, I would be home.

Saying goodbye to someone you love is hard because one of you or both of you are choosing not to see each other in this lifetime again. The pain of being together has become more painful than the pain of not being together.

The initial moment when you walk away from each other hurts so bad that you don’t know if you can do it, but as time goes on with each day that passes you either realize how much better you are without the person or the pain or… you regret your choice. 

Time will tell. Time is the only thing that helps really. You either develop an ache or a longing for that person… or you move on and they become a string of memories. A life you once lived. A person you once

Loved. A goodbye you survived.

Who Am I?

I am the one who is listening to the thoughts in your head.

I am the watcher.

I just AM.

I am not a label. I am not a writer. I am not a mother. I am not my job. I am not a woman.

I just AM.

I am not my feelings. I am not sad. I am not happy. I am not depressed.

I just AM,

Just as you ARE. 

I wanted to love you for eternity

But your addiction won,

I wanted to love you for eternity

Because your love was like the warm, fall sun.

I would have loved you for eternity

Had you just walked away,

I would have loved you for eternity

And you’d still be here today.

I can’t love you for eternity 

Because of the things you said,

I can’t love you for eternity

Because now you are dead. 

I should have loved you for eternity

While I still had the chance,

I should have loved you for eternity

Or at least for one, last dance.