I feel valid in my points

But you don't see them 

I want to apologize for how I acted

But not for what was said

The guilt I feel is not regret 

But remorse for how it made you feel

I feel valid 

Thirty drunken minutes later

The wave of emotions I was

hiding emerged

Why does my mind betray me?

Everything I do should make me

happy and in place of that is

irritation

confusion

and completely forced

aloneness.

I don't feel alone because nobody

cares

I feel alone because I don't want

anyone to touch me

hearing people speak makes me

cringe

the fact the I cannot not fake a

smile makes me hate myself.

I don't want to pretend anymore

I don't want to hide from others

But maybe 

I still want to hide from myself.

Gentle breezes caress my back

As the sound of rain trickles

And tickles my inner tranquility

There's nothing more relaxing than a

downpour

When anxiety fogs my brain

The rain cleanses

And washes it away

I fell a long way, down into the Abyss. 

Came out anew. Crawled out from the depths into a different world. I could feel a surge rippling beneath me, tremors of ancient power. 

A mirror's reflection, in eyes and glass, is the true deception. I am not the same underneath my skin suit. What would come of me, now that I could move the Earth? Pick up boulders like they were cotton balls. 

Bend steel as a child would bend licorice. 

I will not look my parents in the eye. They would see past the pale exterior and know I am not the thing that was birthed by them. What tales would their eyes tell as they gazed upon my becoming?

I thought I could bring order to chaos. I thought I could be made whole. 

I thought. 

A human bone is strong, durable. To my hands it becomes chalk, a burst of white powder the spreads across the air like the baker's flour table as he slams his fists upon raw dough.

He laughed at me. Cracked his chapped lips apart and howled out guffaws. A song bird chirping beneath the paw of a bear.

I made quick work of him, crushed his bones until chalk dust poured out of his body. Dead twigs snapping beneath feet. 

I hope I find the strength to stop myself. 

I hope. 

Bitterness that covers

disappointment

Insecurities caused by

replacement

Confusion of feelings all

blurred into one

Hope with a small

flicker under water

Mirror battling each side

of reality

One being imploding

with too much.

"It's always that easy. The problem is, you don't want to bury it."

Lock it away, seal the case,

never let it surface or touch your face,

a simple caress, a broken sigh,

it's about time you've said goodbye.

A memory pressed against my cheeks,

I haven't heard from him in weeks,

it throbs, it hurts, it makes me cry,

why won't this incessant feeling die?

Living, breathing, beating soul,

why must you hurt me so?

Please rid me of this tattered heart,

mend me, lest I fall apart.

Burn it, ban it, kill it now,

these feelings you must disavow,

with fragile lips you kiss farewell,

may these pains part ways from me in Hell.

Maybe the real me can be who I am with you

Maybe who I am alone is the mask

Wishful thinking so easily turns to denial

A life of my own played like a movie

All I've ever wanted 

A corrupt imaginary life being played; in and out of my head.