forgot storytelling is the absolute love of my life for a hot minute. my bad.
(as if anything else had ever made me feel this much)
she stands at the counter
she stands at the counter, and i cannot breathe.
she stands at the counter, holding a day-old cup of orange juice. the lipstick stains on the rim are smudged.
her shirt - well, mine - has seen better days. it's prime expired years ago, and yet somehow still has a home here as pyjamas.
her hair is sticking out to the left, and her grey nail polish is chipped, and she must've been too lazy to put in her contacts because she's got her old glasses on,
and she stands at the counter, watching the robins fly by outside and likely thinking of nothing,
and i cannot breathe.
if i got to know them well enough, i'm pretty sure i would fall in love with them. we don't have enough time, and the universe isn't nearly that kind, and i'm not sure it would even work out, but hmm. it's a nice thought. that i'd get to hold them in another multiverse. how wonderful.
at least in missing
i wonder if you ever talk about missing me to anyone.
if there is another witness to our love story.
i don't think so. you didn't like to share me. us. i doubt that's changed.
so i'm still yours, at least in missing.
there is so much to say, and also nothing at all.
rather, i think if i explained, it would still amount to nothing. nothing useful, at least.
because that is the past. and we can only be the present, no?
just how these words will eventually be forgotten, as they should be.
they mean next to nothing, and that is ok.
so do we.
why are you leaving me
why are you leaving me
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME
we didn’t have everything right but we didn’t have enough wrong that you should be leaving me
i miss you
and i know this is the right thing and you were a shit bf at the end and i deserve to feel loved BUT i want to lie on your chest and listen to you play guitar for the rest of my life and i want to BE FRIENDS WITH YOU and i want to go back to christmas eve bc i know you loved me and i loved you and i have never loved somebody this much in this small fragile hopeful destructive way
AND YOU’RE BECOMING A STRANGER
and i’m angry you never got me flowers or called me pretty or used my name or reached the bare minimum with a lot of things but
i want to be able to love you properly and i want you to love me properly and i know we have to say goodbye to have a chance of that happening but I MISS YOU AND IT HURTS
and i have been happier without you and i know you’ve probably been happier without me but you’re still the greatest person i’ll ever met and you’re just
YOU’RE LEAVING ME
YOU’RE SAYING NO TO ME BUT NOT OTHER GIRLS
YOU’RE LEAVING ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHO ISN’T U BC U NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR U AND
IT HURTS [CENSORED NAME]
“it’s not like i’m going to disappear,” you said.
sometimes my eyes feel so empty that they’re gouging into my eye sockets and weighing, sagging, like low hanging fruit. down down down.
With my hands on the keys I can flow
I know where the letters go
I know what shapes the words will make
When phrases appear on the page without lag or delay
Sentences form, break, stretch and linger
Composed in language said only by myself
For fear of never finding effortlessness is
Written off once again