I'm not sure if this is love but,

when I'm not around you, I feel

like there's no point of my existence.

My heart literally stops when you

look at me.

Time freezes when we are in the same

room.

I pretend to look around, but I'm

really looking for you.

My hearts goes "!!!" when I see you.

I get nervous when I talk to you

because I'm scared I'll

stammer on account of how

beautiful you are.

Whenever I hear love songs,

I think of you.

When you smile at me, I melt inside.

Is this love?

Do you know what it's like to see someone go from

being your entire world to the reason why you have

no love left in your heart?

I think I have cried a thousand rivers and shedded a million

tears for my father and instead of ending my torture

he chose to hold me at the brink

of death but never doing me the favor of killing me.

For one who has known

a plethora of tragedy

and suffering,

you have disguised it stoically

well behind an impressively

impenetrable mask.

A mask many desperately tried

to pierce through with all their strength,

only to find themselves

frustrated in their defeat,

with bloody hands

and rusted saws.

I have the privilege of

being

the only one who knew

how to carefully take

off your mask.

And to my pleasant surprise,

behind the marvelous,

ineradicable mask that

hundreds have dreadfully

failed to take off,

was the most remarkable,

beautiful, extraordinary

person I have ever met.

Thank you Saeed,

for allowing me to take

off your mask.

I love you habibi.

Forever and always,

it will be me and you.

No, he was not like the rest.

In a world that was on fire,

he refused to burn.

When facing death itself,

he looked death in the face

and said FUCK YOU.

In the darkest hour of tragedy,

he stood tall

with honor

and resilience.

No, he was not like the rest.

Maybe it was the yellow

spark of lightening in his

deep brown eyes.

Or the look of determination

on his face when you would

tell him he couldn’t

do something.

No, he was not like the rest.

Falling down an eternal abyss filled with

agony and death

waiting at the bottom,

he fought with every single ounce

of will and might left in his body to

see the sun again.

And one day the sun will rise

and shine with him.

No, he was not like the rest.

You could speak over one

hundred languages,

meet one-hundred

people

and time travel one-hundred

years to the beginning of

time,

and you will never meet another

like him.

His thirst could only be

quenched by Patron

and Hennesy.

His lust could only be

fulfilled by other women.

She could never uncover

the remedy of neither.

After searching vast for

decades.

All she found was herself

standing fearless in the face of

death

and being afraid to live.

For years, you have delegated

the curse of your

somber amongst your own kin.

The cosmic weight of your tears

was mine to bear.

The miserable anguish of your

fears were

mine to suffer.

I tried to save you from drowning

but you sunk deeper and deeper

into your sorrow and misery.

It breaks my heart,

I can no longer try to save you.

Because I would drown too.

I've suffered some amount of

pain in my life. Like most do.

Through mind and body.

But the worst pain I've ever

experienced are the ones

I can vividly recall.

I remember at age 5, the pain

of seeing my

father leave us for

another family.

I remember at age 10,

running away from my home

that was set on fire. And I

wondered,

"Will I live to see another day?".

I remember at age 15, hating

myself. Doubting my worth.

Caused by my ex-boyfriend

cheating on me with

someone I called "best friend".

I am now 23. The day Allah took him

away from me, felt like all the

tragedies I suffered in life

multiplied by one-million.

Saeed,

Habibi, let's meet again one day.