It starts slowly.
An off day, a nagging feeling of exhaustion.
The next day will be better, you think. Tomorrow you can catch up, get back on track.
Tomorrow, you start to think, maybe you’re not getting enough sleep. You just need the weekend, you’ll sleep in and be right as rain.
But each day, it’s harder to get up. Harder to walk, harder to work, every moment on the verge of collapse.
There isn’t time for this, not here and not now. You have schedules to meet, deadlines to keep.
Why does it feel like the hardest thing is simply not giving up?
Cage of Guilt
Every word pulling, draining
my soul has a funnel that pours all my emotion into her
I am left empty, a one-way arrangement where she takes all
every word twisted, sickly sweet
a honey coated trap in which I am caught
she says she cares for me and has me in her heart
and loneliness is colder than the way she treats me in the dark
Through the kaleidoscope of shattered glass
I see echos of our past
A garden you maintained
(every time I step in there I see your face)
your favorite chair where you sat, croqueting
In the corner of my eye you sit there still
a familiar deception my eyes play daily
someone asked me to swim, and I almost cried
because I haven’t stepped foot in a pool since you died
I still remember all the things I never said, all the times I passed you up to read instead.
when you were first gone i acted resigned
three months after I had my first cry
I don’t remember what your voice sounds like, anymore
You slip through the sieve of my mind, my memories only a poor mockery
of the woman I can never find
"I told you this was a bad idea."
"No. You told me you weren't sure if it would work, so you would accompany me to make sure. There's a difference."
Terrence looked at her, caked in a thick layer of dirt. He looked at the metal pole, seemingly smug at its victory.
"If you didn't have the brilliant idea to shimmy up the flagpole, none of this would have happened."
"How on Earth was I supposed to realize it wasn't strong enough to support my weight?"
"Perhaps the designers assumed high schoolers would have a certain amount of common sense."
"Well, there's their problem right there. No one at this school has any of that."
"And yet you don't see them trying to replant a pole."
"I prefer to call it an adventure in engineering."
"I prefer to call it a mistake."
When you drink salt water, you are left more thirsty than before.
When you cry, your heart thirsts for more.
In a moment, she no longer exists, disappeared in some cruel magic trick.
Memories are her only trace.
But as time passes, she will be erased.
she stared, as if looking long enough would make her realize it was all a giant mistake
they were pale, having an almost marble-eske sheen. she wondered idely if their face would feel cold too, like stone. And that was another thing- they were absolutely still.
they were stone, chiseled into the shape of family.
she walked into the hospice courtyard, unable to look behind her for fear of never leaving
I need to pull myself together (how are you so calm you heartless thing)
I have to be there for my family they need me (I can’t need someone I can’t)
it’s hurting me more than I thought (knowing I won’t hear her voice again)
how can I jump around so soon (drag yourself down pull yourself up not enough not enough not enough)
I’m so sorry- it must really suck.
What an empty word sorry is
sorry doesn't change a thing
sorry doesn't make it better
sorry doesn't bring her back
Tell me how to feel about this
For I do not know
Tell me where I stand
For I cannot take a side
Tell me who I am
For I am a farsighted beast
who cannot see itself
I’m in the status
Between who I am and who I want to be
I’ve shifted skins
A snake done molting
I know this must be better
So why do I feel like I’ve lost?
I’ve hopped on the fast track to my dreams
But this train moves too fast for me
I cannot falter, or stop to breathe
Or I am left behind