Phone (the Worst Work I’m Proud of)

*Before you begin reading I should let you know that this isn't entirely new. Just as my first post I wanted to have this piece of garbage on record someplace that's not a stowed away folder in my computer. Enjoy my cringe worthy disaster.*

It was the nighttime and it was very dark. This was scary. Quite. Scary. He sat in his house by his phone and she was in her house by her phone. They both sat in the same comfy chair yet in their separate homes. Right across from each other, his facing south and her’s facing north. There were two men on the road between. One to the east and the other to the west. The one to the west held a cell phone in his hand; so did the one to the east. The one’s in their homes saw out their respective windows. They knew everyone was here. So it begins.

“Don’t pick up the phone,” they all thought. Then it happened, the phones rang. And rang. And rang… It wouldn’t stop until someone answered. Someone would give in… Eventually. It was the man to the east who first couldn’t take it any longer. He picked up the phone. “H-Hello?”

“You have answered the phone, but was it really? You have lost the challenge. You may live if you can answer one question, which I only have the answer to. If I am kill, then who was fone?”

The man’s eye shot frantically around. His hands were trembling. “I-I don’t know!” He cried. Without any other words exchanged… He simply vanished from existence.

The phones kept ringing. Though resisting one would eventually have to answer. How long could they bear it? Who knew? Hours went by, all of them focused on each other. It was the man to the west that picked up the phone.

“Hello? Look, I don’t know what game this is but you need to quit it.” He clearly was more confident this time.

A voice came on which sounded like Microsoft’s text-to-speech program Microsoft Sam said, “You have chosen to answer the phone, but are you sure? You have lost for life. For if I am kill, then who was fone?”

The west man’s eyes bulged out of his head and he watched himself beginning to slowly melt. First the skin, then the second layer of skin. Flesh, bone, and dead. Only two were left. North and South. The challenge wasn’t about east and west. It was about who could sit in their chair the longest. South man had a newspaper and North woman had a cup of tea. Both of them glared at each other. Who was next?

Days went by. It rained. A cat was ran over. The phone was not answered yet. But was it? Both stopped watching each other and watched the phone. Both, by a stroke of luck, answered it at the same exact time.

“Hello?” They both answered.

“What is this?” The woman asked.

“I answered the phone,” replied the man.

“No, I did,” insisted the woman. But regardless they were interrupted by the voice from Windows XP (which by the way was a really good OS in its time).

“You… Both have answered the phone?”

“Yes,” they replied in unison. “The challenge is l-lo-lo-lo-lo…”

They were both confused. What was happening?

“If I am-am-am-am…” It tried to go on. Moments later they heard an explosion through the phone. It happened. Answering at the same time has short-circuited a system meant for one and, in the sky they saw, it uncloaked the secret Illuminati lizard-man skybase of doom and terrible things. Lizard men rained from the sky (literally) and ran to capture the culprits. But luckily, both the man and the woman had swagtastic weaponry stored in their floorboards and grabbed the biggest machine guns they could find (and they were made of gold, making them better for some reason). Kicking down their doors they lit up the streets. Bullets flew everywhere and lizard-men bled through their rather snazzy tuxedos. Every one of them were now dead and the Illuminati skybase blew up in a blaze of glory. M60s in hand the man and the woman high fived but because they had answered the phone their fate was sealed. Everything around them and themselves exploded so now everything was dead.

The end.

The father was holding his son on his lap. In conclusion to the story he explained, “and this is why you should never answer the phone for strangers.” He continued, “now I am off to the store to get the milk.” The father set his child down and left out the door. The boy stood there and contemplated for a moment, then he looked at the phone. The door shut behind the father.

The phone rang.