Thank You Chris Cornell

I actually didn't start listening to Soundgarden until 1994, around the time where I assume a majority of their fan base did.  I assume this, of course, because this was the year of their huge commercial sales peak, and the summer of the Black Hole Sun music video on MTV. 

In my case, while it had a lot to do with the accessibility to Soundgarden's music, it also had a lot to do with the simple fact that I was 14 in 1994, and that's about the age where you start listening to your own music and not just what's being played. 

When Soundgarden formed, I was only 2.  When Soundgarden had major labels chasing them but decided to go with SST records because of what it meant to them, I was 6.  When they did finally sign a major label record deal, I was 7.  When they first went platinum, I was 9. 

So while I can't say I was there from the start, I feel that way in retrospect because I did go backwards from 1994.  I listened to Superunknown constantly.  I played Badmotorfinger while I slept (and on more than one occasion, the fade out of Searching, leading into the thunderous start of Room A Thousand Years Wide woke me up in a welcome terror), and I read and listened to the Soundgarden history all before Down on the Upside came out. 

I had every Soundgarden shirt that existed. I wore a different one to school every day, never repeating one in a 2 week span.  It became my identity and my life.  

As I grew older, I appreciated the lyrics more and more. As I learned guitar, I appreciated the music more and more.  And I remember the devastation in 1997 when they disbanded. 

For some reason, it never occurred to me that they would do any other projects. It felt like it was all over. I felt like, if they wanted to make music, they would have just kept Soundgarden going, right ? I'm still not sure if that was naivety or stupidity, or a combination of both, but of course I was wrong and the music didn't stop there. 

I remember Bleed Together playing on the radio at 2am while I was driving. I could tell in a second that it was Soundgarden, and I knew I had never heard this song before.  It was somehow a surprise to me, despite being so up on Soundgarden news, and it is still one of my top Soundgarden songs.  Only this band would record a song like Bleed Together and leave it off of a record.  If nothing else, that alone shows how amazing they were. 

I remember exactly, listening to Euphoria Morning for the first time.  It's hard to find the right word for how I felt on that initial listen.  It was certainly not what I was expecting.  I don't know if confusion does it justice, but it was definitely surprising.  I listened to the album just as much as I did the Soundgarden albums, but I didn't fully appreciate it till a few years later, and now, it is one of the hardest albums to listen to because it is just so perfect and under appreciated, like Chris himself. 

Audioslave was a fun time, and the start of seeing Chris perform live - again, because of the age issue and when Soundgarden broke up.  Now I was free to go to shows, wherever they were. Each show was special. Audioslave shows. Then Chris Cornell shows. And, amazingly, reunited Soundgarden and Temple of the Dog shows too.  39 shows in total.  Right around 100 hours of hearing Chris Cornell live, across really 4 bands if you consider the Chris Cornell band tours vs. the Songbook tours.  

Just, amazing how each band felt different. A songbook show and a Soundgarden show are just nowhere near the same experience. 

I was lucky enough to talk to Chris a few times as well, about his music, about the current tour, and about just some random thing that was going on at the time.  It never felt like a question/answer session, just 2 friends hanging out.  

I still haven't quite grasped what has happened.  I see a tribute and I wonder what Chris will say about it and then it hits me.  I'm fully aware of what happened but it feels like I hear it for the first time every few hours.  I relive the initial moment I found out over and over again.  I can't stop listening to all of the music.  It makes me so appreciative, and so happy, and so sad, and so destroyed, and I welcome all the feelings. 

I feel for the family and friends.  And I don't know if I should consider myself among them, but I do consider Chris to be among mine.  I will forever be a fan. I will forever be a friend. I will never stop listening. I will never stop sharing. I'm so sorry. I'm so thankful. 

Thank you Chris Cornell.