we say it’s beautiful

precious

that the end of a life is something to behold

to marvel

laying cold in a casket made of rose

it freezes us in time so we may never grow old

far from the enemies we call friends

from the tavern we call home

from the head we’re trapped in

from those smiles that we loathe

a corpse is peaceful when at rest

the energy expelled

the person free of stress, free of fear

free of hell

everyone looks ravishing in black, blood

and peace.

the end is all three.

so when I find you hanging from a tree

i’ll smile before I cry

and just as we discussed on that splendid night

i’ll plan your funeral for tomorrow

at noon to be precise

so the shining sun can play reminder to the miracle

that is expiration.

and long after all have gone

i’ll breathe you in

smelling of teardrops and smoke

and I’ll keep on breathing

til your ashes fill my lungs and blacken my very soul

just long enough to fill my brand new hole

only now there’s something missing

where’d the beauty go?

the fantasy, the corpse, the tails of never growing old?

the caskets and roses and black coloured clothes?

it all died with you

it's all just a little game

isn't it?

friendship

do they feel as you do?

see as you hope?

do they care for you

with your scars made from rope

it's often difficult to gauge

their pretty little games

do they want to feel your pain?

tears that flow like rain

til you're run over by a train

at the highest speed

it was they

who were at the wheel

just their little game

i wish i could fly

to soar above the clouds

feeling the fragile air beneath my skin

to disappear

where no one would ever find me

with the angels

i wish i could be invisible

to morph into the background

away from lurking eyes

to disappear

where all you can see is my breath

on an icy winters morning

i wish i had super-speed

to run away from the demons

who hunt me at night

to disappear

where i'm no more than a blur

the speed of light

i wish i could read minds

to mess with your thoughts

and make you forget me

to disappear

where all you hear are my words

hiding in your head

Johanna was always running. From her parents, her friends, herself. It was non-stop, adrenaline filled speed. A constant race against time and sanity. It was a never ending journey that Johanna had been on since she was a little girl. Her parents were always fighting, her father getting the brunt of abuse from her devil of a mother. Her friends came and went, never lasting for more than a year. And Johanna herself? She was a wreck. A mess of mental illness and fear, littered with scars from running through the forest behind her house. The forest she found her escape in. It was her forest. A safe place she ran to when the horrors of the world began to become too real. The tree's grew seemigly miles above the clouds; the grass was tall, crisp and gentle on Johanna's bare legs when she ran through the undergrowth. It was a havan. However, Johanna was not the only creature that found safety and solitude in the arms of mother nature. The forest was teeming with life of all shapes and sizes. Life that was running from their own horrors and fears, running to find that havan they rightfully craved. Johanna welcomed these creatures with open arms into her forest. After all, they were all there for the same reason as she. To feel safe.

It was on one particular morning, when Johanna was joyfully playing with the rabbits she befriended, that she heard a sound. There were lots of sounds in her forest, however this one was new, unusual. They sounded like footsteps, human footsteps. Running. The rabbits suddenly dissapeared back into their burrow as the hairs on the back of Johanna's neck stood to attention. Her ears perked to the left, as if she was a cat listening for the right moment to pounce at a bird. The sound grew louder as the person grew closer. Johanna was frozen. She knew she should run but her legs were stuck to the ground like cement. So she stood. Stood and waited as the sound of running grew ever closer to where she stood. The spot whithin the forest she had called her 'safe space' for years. The sound was very close now. Almost as if the person was behind her...

Suddenly, it stopped. Out of nowhere, the footsteps came to a halt. Johanna breathed a sigh of relief, although still extremely weary that someone was lurking in her forest. Soon the rabbits who had abandoned her came hopping out of their den, eager to play. As if the sound had never existed and scared them off in the first place. Johanna took this as a sign that all was safe, that she was just overreacting. As she was about to go back to playing with her rabbit friends, something caught her eye. From the corner of a tree a mere 20 or so feet away, there was a face with eyes staring beadily at her own. Johanna's first instict was to scream and scare the person away, trick them into thinking she was crazy. However, something stopped her. Instead, she slowy made her way over to the person, who upon further inspection looked like a young boy, no older than 8 years old. He looked scared, as if she was going to hurt him.

"Shh, It's okay little guy, I won't hurt you." said Johanna, almost whispering.

She continued to approach the tree as the boy stood there shaking. As she neared, she extended her hand as a sign of friendship, to show the boy she would do no harm to him. The boy hesitated, his mishapen nails digging into the bark of the tree. However after a little more coaxing on Johanna's part, she managed to get the boy to come away from the tree and hold her hand.

They walked back to Johanna's 'safe space' in silence. The boy trusted this stranger in the woods whom he just met, Johanna didn't want to scare him off. When they arrived, they sat down on the mossy carpet of the forest, and Johanna began to ask the boy some questions.

"Why are you out here all alone in the forest?" she said, with a concerned tone to her voice.

The boy, although no longer intimidated by Johanna, looked scared to answer her question. So she asked another question. Something that she thought might produce a definative answer.

"Are you running from something?"

Silence. Not a peep from the little boys pink lips. So she looked at him. Directly in his little baby blues. I took some time but eventually, the boy nodded. She looked at him and smiled.

"So am I." she said.

When the boy heard these words, something lit up in his face. He spoke:

"I'm scared. My mummy and daddy were throwing things at eachother and I got so scared I ran into this forest because I didn't know what to do!" he said, his bottom lip quivering as he held back tears.

Johanna just nodded. She knew what the boy ment. She knew exactly what he ment. She was in his position just years before. A young girl, running from the horrors of her life, finding safety in her forest. In knowing this, Johanna gave the boy a hug. The type of hug a big sister gives their little brother when they're in distress. She felt her shirt soak in his tears. But it was okay. The boy had found her.

"Don't worry little one. I'll protect you. We can run from our horrors together." she said. A cheerful tone in contrast to her awfully dark words.

The little boy sniffled something that sounded like a 'thank you'. Johanna smiled as she too began to tear up. She had found someone like her. Someone who found this forest and claimed it as their 'safe place.' She knew it was now her responsibilyt to look after the boy. She knew that she had to protect him at all costs. So together, they ventured further into the forest, to find a new 'safe spot' to call their own.

Rumor has it, they never left the forest.