Panes of Pain
In a flash, it's gone.
We prevailed? What did we save?
Everything feels wrong.
Among the ash, what remains?
Hear glorious song
'Be triumphant', choirs chant,
'Take the victory.'
But, shall we drone on
Of the distant, joyous day
When hearts are empty?
What have we at dawn
When our weary souls arise?
Blending in with the living
The truth is I don’t invite myself to parties anymore
There was a gala for the mentally stable called waiting in line at the bank I showed up for a fee minutes and said sorry I’ve got class in the morning
There was a party actually parties for people who can cope with walking in filled public spaces and holding onto friends for more than 6 month
And on the good days it feels like a movie as if I’m almost believable other days I think maybe cutting would put one or two pieces of mine back into place but there are no more pieces left to give as party favors
And the truth is I don’t go to parties because there are none I’m really interested in and besides I can’t exactly tell my friends I feel like a ghost without them telling me ghosts aren’t people and I’m still standing so I must want a party
But party for people who are living starts at 10
and I haven’t decided if I’m going yet
It was one of those winters where I watched your ribs become more prominent each week. You would stretch every Saturday and Sunday carefully measuring your wrists. Yet every time you lifted your arms I watched your shirt as it rode up exposing the cracks in your soul.
It was one of those springs where I watched sadness gathering under your eyes like rings from forgotten coffee cups. Lukewarm and left on a newspaper no one had time enough to read.
It was one of those summers where I watched you die in the beginning with daffodils and didn’t see you again until you rose with the morning glory’s and summer roses that never seemed to leave your lips.
It was one of those falls where I woke up with you on the ground, still as a stone, and sprung immediately into action. Your body cold as the winter wind and eyes closed like the petals of early spring.