Why do I?

Let you make me weak

Let you snatch the sound from my voice and disable my speech

Why do I?

Not recognize me when I'm with you because either I'm ultraviolet or baby I'm blue.

Why do I?

Why....do....I?

Love you sooooo much?

When the thought of love terrifies me. When feeling feelings outside of me becomes a part of me and I can't beat this because every beat in you beats me because now you've become

the heart of me. -Ley.

I know I mess up a lot! I know I can be a pain, but I'm a really sweet girl.

Yeah, I'm stubborn. And?

Well, I know I catch attitudes fast but

I'm giving you all I got!

Of course I love you, you know that. 

Why don't I show my feelings?

I'm showing you all I got!

I swear you don't understand what it is to be consumed by your imperfections and constantly have'em resurrected and thrown in your face.

My love it ain't perfect but I'm telling you it's worth it and besides

it's all I got.

When my words fail me and you misread my intentions when I sometimes get mad and don't pay attention it ain't me leaving it's me protecting me.

Protecting the pieces that everybody played with and laid down after they'd had their fun. The pieces left when they're no longer convenient.

When I've served my purpose and I'm no longer needed.

So don't fault me for this wall

cuz who's gone break my fall if I trip up and fall for you.

What's gone happen if you leave too?

It's just me and that's all I got! -Ley

I don't hate you for the sheer thrill of it.

I don't hate you because you don't love me.

I hate you because you won't give me the chance to love you. To show you that there's something in me bigger than me.

You don't give me the chance to be useful. To use my shoulders for tears other than mine.

I hate you because every time I'm hurting you're not there. You find some sorry cop out or make me feel less of a human for being so sensitive. Because instead of trying to console me you scold me. Instead of trying to understand me. (And you never understand me). You demand me. "Suck it up" "You're too soft". Well maybe soft is me. And I just need you to be there. To care. To make trials a little easier even if it is my cross to bear. I hate you because I love you. Because I can't control the flips in my stomach at the thought of you. Or because I just want to be better for you. Because I wish I could use every ounce of my being to shield your being from hurt. Because I'd be there any time you ever need me even if this doesn't work. And I hate you because My good is never good enough for you. And I hate you because you make me hate me for not being what you need. Because I love you. And I just want you to be happy. So you see it's not hate that makes me hate you. It's you. -Ley

First born child. It's a girl.

Born into a title. Daddy's little girl.

Spitting image. Same temperament.

Walk like you. Talk like you. Form opinions, take stances, chances, speak like you.

Daddy's girl. The prototype. In the darkness supposed to be the light.

Explain what happens when daddy's girl is no longer the light but the darkness in his world.

When perfection slips from her grasp.

And making daddy gray happens every other day.

When teenage years, bring fatherly fears

And that image that's painted

Daddy's little girl is tainted.

When the mistakes stab their way into a once peaceful sleep

Because daddy's little girl is running and slipping trying to find her own two feet.

Head held down in shame. Painful to speak her name.

Well daddy now you know.

Heavy is the head

And though I've failed. Staying down would be a bigger issue. But I'm trying to prevail. And though sometimes I'm an incarnated version of hell. Daddy.

The sweet linen of my sleep is unwoven by knowing that miles away

Your hair is growing more and more gray

Day by day

Because of the mistakes that I make.

So

Even though things look low

I just pray you know

That it wasn't your fault

You did not err

You weren't a perfect father but you were there.

There's no daddy issue

No neglect. Abuse.

Just an imperfect me.

Doing imperfect things.

And for the hurt I'm sorry

For the anger I apologize.

For hiding, lying, the tears. I'm sorry.

First born child.

First to deal the blow.

To bring down the highest of highs with the lowest of lows.

It's a girl. A blessed curse.

But I hope you'll find solace in knowing that the first is the worst and I'll do my best

To make sure that my sisters don't follow in raggedy footsteps.

For them I'll be better.

For them I will continue.

For they deserve every ounce of love, left in you. -Ley.