All bloody.
I didn't choose all that happened to me, I didn't want it.
so why do I have to suffer from others unhealed pain?
Why did they have to be bled on when it's not my fault they were cut?
Why do I have to be bloody when it's not my wound that's bleeding?
All because of you bloody monsters, I got used to the feeling of being drenched.
I've found comfort in the warm liquid. Like a motherly hug that I never got.
But now that I'm used to it, I find myself cutting others, and cutting myself just so I can be covered in blood.
To feel the warmth that I am just so addicted to, because it's all I have ever known.
Suffocating walls
Throughout life, you may find your heart behind impossible walls.
You say to yourself, "it's for my own good"
Is it?
You say this defense will protect you from how you felt all those times,
Suffering and betrayed,
Abandoned and unheard.
Sure, it may work in protecting you from a repeat.
But not in the way you wish
You see; once you take a look at the walls you built from an outside view,
You will see that same heart that you locked away to protect is suffering the same.
You didn't only trap it from the outside world,
But trapped it inside it's own pain.
Forced to relive the same feelings every day,
You must realize the walls are its poison.
There is good in this world.
Good that is deserving of your heart;
Good that will heal and fill the cracks with breathtaking gold.
Live to heal.
Live to love.
Nobody can take away your right on who to share your precious time and being with.
Just because someone took what wasn't theirs, and 'left with it' doesn't mean others will.
Take down these walls, and build a sanctuary for your heart.
Let the ones who matter in; even if it's only yourself.
Battles
Don't make someone feel bad for winning battles.
Through hardships,
Ups and downs,
It is bound to leave a mark.
When you see scars scattered on the skin of others,
Wrists, arms, or legs;
Don't ask them to cover them up for the "sake of others".
Congratulate them on their victory.
It takes a true heart to battle the war of self.
Acknowledge their strength, and learn from them.
I say again;
Don't make someone feel bad for winning battles.
The same battles you may not have won yet yourself.
Cause that is when you truly loose.
Relationships
I lay awake,
The days fade away.
I wonder how long it will take,
For me to truly connect with a friend I make.
Effort after effort,
It all leads astray.
They will never understand a mind like mine.
Stick labels on me,
Say they know me,
And make baseless accusations.
Like a poisoned prick stabbed into my skin,
The poke hurts for a moment,
But I am unaware of the poison that will spread through my body.
For years to come,
Its effects will still last.
My trust so easily broken,
I just wanted us to last.
I understand I am different,
But I am glad.
Don't you ever say you know me,
We aren't the same.
Keep my name out of your damn mouth,
You're a fool who doesn't deserve my grace.
Never real
You were always there,
With me.
You saw every shade of me,
Every side of me,
Every light inside of me.
You held me through my sorrows,
Wiped my tears,
And made me, me.
But when times come to show,
I go to tell everyone I know,
How great you are,
Who you are.
They look at me strange,
Fear and confusion on their face,
"Who?"
My blood turns cold,
My heart stops it's tune,
You were never real.
A fading dream
Close to my heart,
You once were.
Though I have to let you go,
I won't ever forget the feeling you gave.
The smile you brought to my face,
One that can't be remade,
I look at you now,
Watching that same smile fade away.
Like an old friend,
When I see you,
I look away with a bitter taste.
We will never be again,
The thought so sickening.
Nothing else is quite like our ending.
souls
wisps of dust,
tiny little specks,
mold into something you'd never expect.
reflective little things,
always show what is inside,
with each vibrant shine,
they reach out to intertwine.
they flow like water,
shape into the people they're meant to be.
A forever swirl,
but with one hard blow,
you can ruin their entire being.
ethereal exhaustion
I can't escape this.
Every day is the same.
It all blends together,
Like it's stuck on replay.
My body is filled with static,
quite an unpleasant matter.
I can't find the right words
To describe how I feel,
But I know it's nothing good.
Like a meteor flowing through space,
Or a rock being carried by the waves,
I can't think for my own.
Whether I say I know,
or I don't,
Nothing could ever solve this peculiar case.
I want a break from it all.
I've never been the one to truly desire death,
But it's the only ticket off this monotone train.
They say it's just a case of the blues,
But It won't ever leave.
Stuck with me since year 4,
I haven't felt pure joy.
There's nothing I can do
There's nothing I can say
To make you understand.
I just want to lay in the land,
never to breath again.
hopelessly romantic
It is so hard
loving another
who doesn't reciprocate.
The push, and the pull
The dance between our souls
As we venture through the ups and the downs
of this bitter-sweet sound.
The notes carry us,
The weep and the woe,
As I listen to your heartbeat lull.
It beats of a pattern,
The titter and tatter.
Though it is soft,
It's tiny voice speaks a name belonging to another.
Though I know I must let you go,
I can't help but to let this seedling of hope grow.
I daydream of a day,
where I can hold you till dawn breaks.
Lead astray,
lost in the warm stream of reverie
Unaware of reality,
I awake to your profound love to somebody not me.
It rips my heart open wide,
A gaping hole left in plain sight,
I need the weave of your love,
to patch it back up.
Knowing that day will never come,
I leave my heart full of none,
And watch with sorrow,
as you find your one.
Hopelessly romantic I am,
A victim to this game,
I am nothing but a flaxseed grain,
No future left to this love game.