The joy is in remembering,

the pain is in knowing it was yesterday.

This is the trap of having something to live for:

Everything else seems lifeless.

Love makes you want to rewrite the world.

You want to do everything in your power to make it possible,

endlessly possible.

But how can I make her see past the blur?

Quotes put togheter from my favorite book: Everyday by David Levithan

“Candace, what are you doing?” she shouts as she steps onto the pier. I am looking at the water, ignoring her call. I had been down here a lot lately, and I guess it was worrying her. She had told me to stay away, but I could not resist. I take in the salty smell of the water. It calms me. I feel closer to her then I have done for weeks. Mom loved the sea. Last summer she had taken me out here almost everyday fishing, bathing or even merely to look at the waves. They are hypnotizing. Shades of green and blue are mixing into perfect chaos. I feel one with the water now, and I know it understands. The colours are calling, welcoming me into an embrace.

Her steps are shorter and faster now. “Candace, come back here.” Her voice is strict but also shaking. I hope she will understand as the water does. But all the colour has left her face.

“Don’t you dare do this Candace!” She is coming closer, running now. But we both know she is too late. “I am so sorry mom” I cry. And I am genuinely sorry for the way this will hurt her. I love my mother. She has been my rock and foundation my whole life. I need to see her again even though I know she would never have wanted it to be on such terms. This is the only way. Grandpa had told me where to find her and described what a beautiful place it was. I want to share it with her. No matter how wonderful it might be, I know she misses me. I am sure she longs for me the way I long for her. She cannot be happy there without me. I do not understand why she left me behind, her beloved daughter.

“Candace, I beg you! Come back to me.” Grandma’s voice can no longer carry her words as she is gasping for air.

“I’m coming mother” I whisper as I take the first step on my way to heaven.